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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 18, 2012 at 11:58pm

Karen,
My sons birthday was Valentines day. It was so hard. I'm sorry. It is so hard to get through everyday let alone any celebration. I barely lost him and it was Christmas. Then his birthday. I wanted to have a special birthday parry for him. To celebrate the fact that he survived his life threatening surgery. But then he lost the battle. I scream too. I hate the roller coaster ride of emotions. Some days I feel sort of numb. Some days the thought of his body being destroyed moves me to a horrific fear and anxiety. Some days I feel guilty. This isn't what I thought my life would be about.

Comment by Karen R. on February 18, 2012 at 7:25pm

Hello to all, I am in such a low place.......more than usual. Tomorrow is my son's birthday. I will celebrate is life with a few family and friends. The hardest thing for me during his last birthday was was lighting all of the candles, knowing that he wouldn't be able to blow them out. Instead, my youngest child had the honor. I am so overwhelmed with my tears and heartache. I don't think I will light candles tomorrow, but hey, that could change in an instant. All day I've had to fight to control my urge to scream, I just want to scream soooooo bad. I usually don't refrain from screaming when I want, which I usually reserve for when I'm riding in my car alone but I am afraid that if I let loose I may end up in the hospital tonight. I am so angry, my son has not gotten any justice yet, his case is still open and I hold onto the thought that they will be held accountable for their cowardly actions. 

My son would have been going out tonight with his friends and close cousins to celebrate his upcoming birthday tomorrow. He loved to go out, he loved his life. I have so much anxiety over who will stop by tomorrow, who will remember, who has forgotten, who will tell me a funny story that i knew nothing about?  My son will ALWAYS be my son, my baby. He is not a figment of my imagination, I carried him in my womb, I gave birth to him, I watched him grow until he was taken away from me, I love him so much. This tragedy has left such a bad taste in my mouth......I want my son back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Dick on February 18, 2012 at 7:07pm

I am amazed at the people you would not expect, have had the experience of losing a child. I gentleman today was coming over to install solar screens and it was raining. He suggested doing it tomorrow after his church service; I told him I could not be at home. I told him we have some family memorial tomorrow for Danny, he then volunteered information that he had lost a son 20 years earlier. We talked a bit and he said he laid his grief into the hands of the lord. He still remembers but the grief is softer. I think he and I will be talking more on this matter.

Comment by Robin Jone on February 18, 2012 at 10:13am

Adrianne, I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. I know how you feel, it will be 6 months on the 3rd since we lost Zach. It still seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. Just wondering if you do this, I still keep feeling like I can some how change it from happening. If I just could somehow say this, or do that, the accident would never have happened. I know it is completely irrational, but I know like you I want to change this. I want my son to come back to me. I am so sorry friend. Big hugs. Robin

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 18, 2012 at 2:54am

Today is the 17th. I lost him 6 months ago today. I still can't believe he's gone. It is impossible. Broken.

Comment by Lorraine on February 17, 2012 at 8:33pm

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear that your niece is losing her battle with cancer.  Like you, I hate to see anyone go through this hell we experience with our children gone.  I have been in a down place again, it is like I get half a leg up and then I am knocked back down into the depression.  I miss my Silas so much, I know it is am impossible situation.  Nothing will bring him back.  I do take a bit of comfort in helping other young adults with cancer though Sy's Fund, and it does help me to keep going.  It is taking off like wild fire, with several new applications coming in every week.  Unfortunately we can't make money fast enough to help everyone at this time, still, it is important for me to pay Sy's legacy of generosity forward.  Life is so complicated, none of us should be dealing with this horrendous loss.  Sending hugs to all.

Comment by Dick on February 17, 2012 at 12:58am

This song makes me feel better. Hang loose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrqYyhROo3M

Comment by Dick on February 17, 2012 at 12:43am

I would like to dedicate this song to Danny...it sounds most like him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inD5Svx0gV4

Comment by Dick on February 17, 2012 at 12:28am

It makes me sad the potential that died with Danny.

Comment by Dick on February 16, 2012 at 7:43pm

Thanks Brenda.

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