Comment

Comment by Dick on February 18, 2012 at 7:07pm

I am amazed at the people you would not expect, have had the experience of losing a child. I gentleman today was coming over to install solar screens and it was raining. He suggested doing it tomorrow after his church service; I told him I could not be at home. I told him we have some family memorial tomorrow for Danny, he then volunteered information that he had lost a son 20 years earlier. We talked a bit and he said he laid his grief into the hands of the lord. He still remembers but the grief is softer. I think he and I will be talking more on this matter.

Comment by Robin Jone on February 18, 2012 at 10:13am

Adrianne, I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. I know how you feel, it will be 6 months on the 3rd since we lost Zach. It still seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. Just wondering if you do this, I still keep feeling like I can some how change it from happening. If I just could somehow say this, or do that, the accident would never have happened. I know it is completely irrational, but I know like you I want to change this. I want my son to come back to me. I am so sorry friend. Big hugs. Robin

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 18, 2012 at 2:54am

Today is the 17th. I lost him 6 months ago today. I still can't believe he's gone. It is impossible. Broken.

Comment by Lorraine on February 17, 2012 at 8:33pm

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear that your niece is losing her battle with cancer.  Like you, I hate to see anyone go through this hell we experience with our children gone.  I have been in a down place again, it is like I get half a leg up and then I am knocked back down into the depression.  I miss my Silas so much, I know it is am impossible situation.  Nothing will bring him back.  I do take a bit of comfort in helping other young adults with cancer though Sy's Fund, and it does help me to keep going.  It is taking off like wild fire, with several new applications coming in every week.  Unfortunately we can't make money fast enough to help everyone at this time, still, it is important for me to pay Sy's legacy of generosity forward.  Life is so complicated, none of us should be dealing with this horrendous loss.  Sending hugs to all.

Comment by Dick on February 17, 2012 at 12:58am

This song makes me feel better. Hang loose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrqYyhROo3M

Comment by Dick on February 17, 2012 at 12:43am

I would like to dedicate this song to Danny...it sounds most like him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inD5Svx0gV4

Comment by Dick on February 17, 2012 at 12:28am

It makes me sad the potential that died with Danny.

Comment by Dick on February 16, 2012 at 7:43pm

Thanks Brenda.

Comment by Karen R. on February 16, 2012 at 2:43pm

THANKS SWEET BRENDA, AS ALWAYS, YOU OFFER SO MUCH ENCOURAGEMENT WITH SUCH COMPASSION. I READ EACH OF YOUR WORDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I HOPE I WILL GET SOME RELIEF.....SOONER THAN LATER...........MANY HUGS TO YOU.

Comment by Brenda Ann on February 16, 2012 at 8:49am

Dear, dear Karen R.,

You asked what is the lesson.  What is God telling you?  My dear friend, most of us have always been outgoing or outward thinking people.  We have focused on family, friends and the activities that are part of the out workings of life. (ie: performing the roles of butcher, baker, candlestick maker, chief, dish washer, nurse, taxi driver, buyer, seamstress & tailor, chief cook & bottle washer, administrator, CFO, COO, CPA, travel agent and activity planner, psychologist & teacher) The point is, we have spent our lives doing all the outward things while seldom focusing on self.  Our tragedy has changed our focus.  We have heard the saying “heavy heart”?  or “breaking heart”?  or “pains my heart”?  Well, now we have learned that those sayings are not just figures of speech, they are physically real.  Our hearts have broken and we can literally feel the weight of our own heart within our chest.  The sorrow has caused our heart to hurt.  We cannot think of any outward things the shock and pain of it all prevents that.

Like, a pitcher of lemonade, we continue to fill everyone’s glass until it becomes necessary to fill the pitcher or no one will get any lemonade.  You need to be filled again so to speak. The pitcher in you has been broken and a main way of filling yourself has been your beloved son and caring for him.  So now what?  How can we help ourselves?  I truly believe that we need to build our faith in God and his promises. 

As humans we see our flaws, we know them all too well.  We look at ourselves and filter out all the good while closing our eyes to the good.  God sees us through a different filter.  His filter weeds out all the bad and sees all the good, even the things we want to do yet haven’t done yet.  God sees us as though we have already done the good. (Psalm 103:12-14) “As far off as the sunrise is from the sunset, So far off from us he has put our transgressions. ¹³ As a father shows mercy to his sons, Jehovah has shown mercy to those fearing him. ¹⁴ For he himself well knows the formation of us, Remembering that we are dust.”   Yes, God is greater than our hearts. (1 John 3:19-20) “By this we shall know that we originate with the truth, and we shall assure our hearts before him ²⁰ as regards whatever our hearts may condemn us in, because God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.”  We really need to work at seeing ourselves as he sees us.  God loves us so much he let his son die a brutal death to save us from our sins.  What a price he and Jesus paid for us. 

 

You asked, “Did it happen for God to show me that I wasn't a good mother to my son, was it pay back for making him leave that night and not taking his side against his grandfather? God would NEVER do that.  (James 1:13) “When under trial, let no one say: “I am being tried by God.” For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.” (1 John 4:16) “God is love.”  Karen, when you asked your son to leave you were helping the situation and giving them both time to cool down.  You couldn’t ask your father to leave, it is his house.  Bible principles encourage time to think things over and regain self-control. (Proverbs 17:14) “. . .before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave. . .”  You were very wise – trying to preserve their relationship before irreparable damage was done.  I see the wonderful insightful mother you are – I hope you can see it too.

 

None of our tragedies are or ever will be okay not until the resurrection and we can hold them in our arms once again.  The Bible holds answers to your questions and there are reasons why, as 1 John 5:19 says, “the whole world is lying in the [power of the] wicked one.”  (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those in any sort of tribulation through the comfort with which we ourselves are being comforted by God.”  We do not and cannot live through this on our strength we must lean on God’s strength to carry us through.  Like in the poem Footprints in the Sand – the one set of footprint we see are God’s as he carries us. (Philippians 4:13) “For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me.”

 

I have and will continue to thank God for such a wise and loving friend.

 

Sincerely,

Brenda

support@grief-and-comfort.com

www.grief-and-comfort.com

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