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Comment by Karen R. on February 28, 2012 at 9:59pm

Hello dear Lisa. I so appreciate your encouraging words that you shared with Angela. I can only hope that I too will one day, truly feel that my son is ok. I really need to believe that. I guess I just haven't been able to say that this is my son's new reality because that would have to also be my reality and I don't want that.

Thanks again.......many hugs!

Comment by Karen R. on February 28, 2012 at 9:52pm

Hey Toni, I just read your message to all members and let me say I cry with you. I know your pain all too well. I can relate to what you said about time only making things worse, NOT "better". I must have said that a thousand times. My 21 yr old son was robbed of his young life almost 2 1/2 yrs ago and my pain and my anger has not eased 1 bit. He was riding his friend's motorcycle when he was chased and rammed into another vehicle. He survived in ICU for 1 week before he passed away. Just saying, writing, typing or even thinking those words "my son passed away", still blows my mind and seems so unreal. I will NEVER accept this........how could I? It will never be "OK", as people would like me to believe. This is a tortuous pain, and I have more bad days than good......whatever good is. I don't know how I have survived this long and I am sorry that I don't have any encouraging words, except, keep writing on this site or others like it, because it means a lot to have your feelings validated and not judged by others that sincerely but unfortunately understand. I will forever be broken.    Sending many hugs to you!

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 28, 2012 at 9:42pm

I want to improve too Dick. I miss my son so much. How do you separate the grieving from the rest of your day? Are you finding that you don't grieve as much the rest of the day when you make this time?

Comment by Dick on February 27, 2012 at 5:47pm

I feel like I am improving, I think it is because I have decided to set aside time each day for my grieving and I talk to Danny and my Father. I tell them I miss them and the news of the day. I sometime get mad with Danny for leaving me alone. I end it with a prayer.

I think this time is positive for me.

Comment by Dick on February 27, 2012 at 5:43pm

I had a stone that was given to me by Danny I had been carrying around with me to help me remember. Yesterday, after church, it fell out of my pocket and split in two. I took it as a sign my son does not want me to hurt any longer. I took it and a hand written prayer to the gravesite and buried both. It happend almost 6 months since his passing.

Comment by Dick on February 27, 2012 at 5:38pm

Grace, I have been counseled about "Jesus Claus". That is not how it works, you got to have faith and not "pray" for goodies. Ask for healing and how you can be used.

Comment by Lisa Adams on February 27, 2012 at 2:44pm

Angela - Thanks for the response! And Ammy thank you for your post! It's nice to know that there are brighter days ahead.  I have been going through a fairly good phase myself even though some stressful things are happening around me. But I am slowly learning to place Roxanne in her new reality. Doesn't mean I am "letting her go", doesn't mean I am forgetting her.  It just means that I am accepting what has happened, horrible as it may be, and accepting that there is NOTHING I can do to change it.  I also believe that she is in a much better place, she is not suffering, and she is eternally happy.  Understanding these things is helping me to heal and to establish a new and different relationship with her. Our grief will always be with us, but it will change over time.  Like you said Ammy, it will go through phases.  I know and accept that there are still many bad days ahead of me. But oddly enough, knowing that helps.  We are all different in the way that we approach this journey and we all need one another very much.  Like you said Robin, after awhile our other friends don't want to hear it anymore. They don't want to dwell in the valley of the shadow death. And I guess I understand that.  Hugs to everyone today - Lisa

Comment by Robin Jone on February 27, 2012 at 2:09pm

I have been feeling like, everyone is tired of hearing me say the same old thing. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I can't believe it is almost six months since we lost Zach, it makes me feel sick and anxious all over again. I am like you though Ammy, I do sometimes have moments when I feel not completely overwhelmed with my grief, but then in a couple days it will hit me hard again. It gives me hope though when I read someones post that says they do have days that they are okay. I do believe in God and heaven, but the other day I was walking my dogs and the thought came to me "what if there really isn't a heaven and I will never ever see Zach again". I cannot even explain to you how I starting feeling like I couldn't breath, and overwhelming panic and anxiety, and the grief was so intense. I had to try my hardest to put a stop to that thought right away. I have to believe that I will see my Zach again someday, any other thought is too much to bare. Wish none of us ever had to go through this. Robin

Comment by Ammy on February 27, 2012 at 1:36pm

Hi Everyone, I have been like Grace lately.  Come here every week to check the posts, but not able to comment.  Have a lot I could say, but no energy to to write it.  

Frances, you said,  'That we are not going to get any better than we are now'.  I hope that will not be true for any of you.  At one time I felt that way too, but I have had  some better days and I am so grateful.  Don't let that thought control you.

Dick, I enjoyed your songs.  Two of my favorites.  Use to listen to Louie's 'Wonderful World' all the time, and for our son's one year balloon release, my daughter had Israel's 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' playing in the background.

Just came out of a hard grief phase.  I'm at 19½ months and one thing I've learned is that I go through phases.  'Okay phases' and 'bad phases'.  The bad ones bring me back to the beginning.  Those days are so hard, but I've learned that they will end and I will get a break from the hard grief.  When I'm there I tell myself that it will get better again.  Just need to hang on and get through the day.  The soft grief gives me hope now.  I'm selfish when it comes because I want it to stay with me.  I will never stop loving, missing, or grieving for my son,  but I have hope that it won't always be so devastating.  I've tried to find what brings me to the bad place and avoid going there when I have that control, but I can't always control it.

And for my own comfort, I have come to a place where I believe my son is and what he is doing.  This works for me and helps me have less anxiety.  Not knowing and thinking about it is difficult.  Try to believe in something good / peaceful and stay focused on that.

These are just things that I'm finding that help me to keep going.  Don't think I still don't go through bad days / weeks because I do.  Just last week I think I was at one of my worst times.  I literally just wanted to lay down and roll myself up into a ball and not exist.  It was hard, but it has passed (again).  As I said ... phases.

Take care of yourselves and search out those things that will help you.  I think of you all every day and pray. 

From my  (¯`v´¯) to yours.
                 `*.¸.*.♥              

Comment by Grace on February 27, 2012 at 11:35am

Some days I read many post but am not able to comment.....  I have beenreally in a faith crisis and have difficulty thinking that there really is a GOD..... sometimes I think he is the Adult version of Santa Claus..... So it is hard for me to share the idea of my son being in a "Better Place".  It is still so hard for me to see an afterlife... I just feel he is not here.... I look at his pictures and have memories but

but have a hard time wrapping my mind around the Cremains and that somehow He has made it "Someplace Else"..... I guess GOD and I are at Odds with each other because I can not understand WHY I must lose my son.....

Then there are nights where I dream that my son is snuggling right up next to me... looking up at me with his blue eyes.... and then My sleep is intruded with the reality that it is just a Dream.... and I can not get the Dream back....  

There are times (It has been almost 3 Years come the end of May)  When My mind has thoughts that I am just to afraid to talk about.... 1 because I worry I am losing my mind.... and 2 just the thought of speaking these thoughts outloud seems to be so painful..... even the thoughts all by themselves in my private mind are so painful... I  tell my mind to not think......  I PUSH the emotions back into that    back area of my mind and want to hide it away or I feel that I will Break into a Million Pieces.     

Yet at the Same time I feel the Warmth of that Little boy Snuggling into me....

 

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