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Comment by nadia on September 24, 2012 at 9:21am

Dear Susan so sorry the pain intensifies... Time make sit worst I think as people have less understanding and I find it hurtful that most seem to move on... I feel stuck in the past I lost my wonderful sister but find it hard to have a life without her (sorry for posting in this group!) I am torn that the goes by and I am worried that I may start to foregetr little details of our time together .. the support from my partner is tapering off and do not want to burden mum and dad as I know they are broken perhaps more so than me .. I put on my brave face as I am all they are left and suffer in silence.. I do not think the years will make it better... In a way I am glad your daughter seems have found some joy .. I too have lil boys and new born daughter (I named her after my sister) I am happy and sad... I take her out sit like my sister... she is my lil T... goes me a bit of hope but you know there are far too many moments I wish I were alone so that I could sleep and not wake up..... or wake up next to my big T my sister.... the though warms me but everyday I wake up and yet another new day without her...  it may be that your daughter tries to keep up a brave face... some random thoughts... wishing you all some peace and calm 

Comment by Angel on September 24, 2012 at 8:38am

Hi everyone...I'm sorry I haven't been around..since my daughter's 15th anniversary ..I am still floatingin a not so nice place...I wanted to say that I never saw my daughter...I never even viewed her..Isaw her one day alive and beautiful..withthe smile she always wore and never saw her again...the accident was so horrific..that she wasn't viewable...so we had to have a closed casket...my youngest daughter over the years has wondered if it was even our Melanie in the casket...I never got to kiss her goodbye, touch her....nothing...no closure and will never have any...Only by the grace of God I get up breathing everyday.....Peace! Angel

Comment by Susan goulding on September 24, 2012 at 7:52am

Ive been feeling pretty low lately, i miss my dsugjter sooo much, its been 10 years and the pain just feels stronger as i have less compassion from my family. I used to be able to talk to my daughter sierra about how much im hurting about cody, but it seems as though she handles it differently being a sister and not her mom, im glad she can be happy now in her role as a mother to my 2 grandsons, but i have no real support from anyone in my life, thank god for the online couseling!

Comment by Michelle W on September 24, 2012 at 4:27am

Adrianne,
We also did not get to see my son,,,, it just haunts me.... I should have been there at the time I called my daughter who just moved out one day ago to her new apartment asked her to come home to get any info for us and my husband and I drove frantically to the town the football game was,,.., we hear there was an accident not how bad... My husband kept calling the hospital and they kept saying one boy was brought here there was no second boy...so the dps kept telling us to pull over saying the road was closed because if the accident,,,to just go home that our son had died,,., by the time we got home the school buses had to be rerouted and all the kids were posting on face book. So that is how my daughter found out and the pice didn't tell us till very late in the evening.,,,,, my nightmare....so I never got to see my son... I was told by the funeral home in my shock and hour of need how did I want to get the body here like I was to drive there and pick him up as if it would be a inconvience..,no one will ever understand the pain and guilt I feel forM not going up there.,. My life regret. So Karen the poem helps me feel that closing moments I had taken from me,,,,again thank you!! !!!

Comment by Karen R. on September 24, 2012 at 12:08am

So sorry Nancy to hear your story, losing a child is such a tremendous, inconceivable loss..

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on September 23, 2012 at 11:43pm

Karen
It hurts to read the poem. I'm so sorry. I didn't see my son. I couldn't drive over to see him. I was paralyzed and afraid. I knew I would lose it and may possibly never come back. The words still apply though. This can not be true.

Comment by Robin Jone on September 23, 2012 at 10:16pm

Karen, what a beautiful poem, and that is exactly how I felt when I saw Zach. I kept thinking, this can't really be my son, this cannot be true. You said it perfectly, as so many of us have all felt, this has to be a big mistake. Nancy, I am so sorry for your loss. When my son Zach died, the worst day of my life, September 3rd of last year, he fell from a cliff by a waterfall, and we were not notified for about seven hours. I too am not the same person that I was, I feel like I have aged dramatically. I will be forever changed. Michelle, I know how you feel, about it being so hard to let your other children go. My oldest daughter and granddaughters are moving to another state in just a couple of weeks. Even though I know it will be for the best for them, it is going to be so hard for me. My granddaughters are what have kept me going this past year. I guess I need to be thankful that they were here and my daughters were here for as long as they were. I am really trying to stay positive but I have to admit that my heart will hurt so much when they leave. I am afraid that I will just fall apart, that the realization of it all will come crashing down on me. I know I will survive this, I have to for my other kids. God will help me through. Hugs to us all.

Comment by Nancy Anderson on September 23, 2012 at 6:52pm

Ammy, you said perfectly how I feel.  This is the first time I have posted on here, but I lost my son a year ago July, in a horrific car accident.  We weren't even notified of the accident and his passing until 6 hours later.  I felt guilty (and still do) about not being able to see or hold him one last time, and yes, I still 'exist' but the person I used to be has long departed.

Comment by Karen R. on September 23, 2012 at 2:13pm

Thanks so much Ammy, sometimes I just don't know where to turn to with emotional chaos. This group really helps me. In actually, I have NEVER said goodbye to my son. I don't think I will ever be able to do that. Now that word sounds so final to me, I equate it with solidifying that he is gone. I just can't take that as being true. I want this all to be a big mistake.

Comment by Ammy on September 23, 2012 at 10:17am

Karen, that is beautiful.  I can feel and understand it completely even though I was not able to say goodbye to my son until he had passed.

We do feel like we are insane.  The thoughts and emotions that are always running rampant through us keeps us from the normal we once knew, and we now exist hour by hour trying to adjust to this new normal that we all despise, but have to accept.

Thank you for sharing.  ♥

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