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Comment by anne on November 23, 2013 at 4:07pm

You all need to take it easy. Angry comments have never done  anything for anyone. This site is for all who are grieving. You don't have to agree with all comments, but getting angry at each other is not necessary either. Dennis gave his opinion. The question was asked on an open forum. Losing a child is the worst of the worst when it comes to death, but it is not an excuse to lessen someone else's pain. You may not see that now, but someday I hope you will. No one is perfect. We don't always say things the way we should, but hopefully they are said with good intentions. Personally I didn't like that piece of scripture myself, but I decide what's in my heart. Dennis has helped me before, so I think he was just trying to help. I know I have said words that I thought would help, and I felt some anger from those who disagreed with me. Sometimes you just gotta let it go. The last thing any of us needs is anger pointed at us. I am not a church goer either, and I have my reasons. I have never read the whole bible, but I do find things in the bible that have helped me on this journey. We are here to help, and comfort each other, not tear each other down. I know your hearts are raw with pain, and sorrow, and I understand the fact that if you have never buried your child you couldn't possibly understand the feelings, and everything else that goes with it. I also know from my own experience that getting up tight about scriptures, and other things like it served no purpose for me, and only added to my pain. It's ok to agree to disagree without hostility, and anger. Funny how a person can feel the negative without even being face to face. We are all here for each other let's not forget the purpose for this site. I care about all of you. I wish I could reach out, and take away all of your pain. Since that's not reality I do try to help by sharing my experiences. I've been on this journey for a long time. I've been through a lot since my first little boy was killed. I found this site after my second child was killed, and that was after almost 2 years of him bomb hunting on the front lines in Iraq, so there's a lot more to people than what they post on this site. I choose give people the benefit of the doubt, and yes I do get emotional, and I do get worked up, but that comes with the territory. I liked coming here because I felt safe, and I could use my blog as a way to vent, and let out the ugly I felt. I come to read about others who have had huge losses so I don't feel all alone. I have to keep an open mind, it's part of my survival. I have had a lot of experience with religion, but I have learned to let my heart lead me to God. There's no wrong way to believe if it feels good in my heart. Thanksgiving is coming, and I'm thankful for all of you here now, and in the past. Peace to all

Comment by Ammy on November 23, 2013 at 3:26pm

Wow, I am surprised at the hostility here.

Each of us has the right to believe how they wish.  I don't think Dennis was judging.  I believe he was trying to share what he believes.  As I recall, some of you were questioning about mediums when the subject first came up.  Maybe he was just showing you his thoughts. 

I wanted to jump in myself when this topic first came up but I know how hard it is, especially in the first year of grief to accept anything other than what we feel inside.

I could say a lot about mediums and how they started in this country but I can't change your hearts.  I believe only God can do that. If that is what you want.  I can only grieve with you, love you, and pray for you.

I have been quiet on here lately because to me it seems to be a little cliquish around here.  No one  here invented grief and no one's grief is worse than anyone else's.  We are all hurting.  Some just choose to not express it as much as others.

Hopefully things will calm down.  I know the upcoming holidays bring on added stress and sometimes the anxiety is overwhelming.  

This is not intended for any one person on here, just a reminder that this site is filled with grievers and even though we feel we have lost the worse kind of loss doesn't mean everyone else's grief is not worth respecting.  

I was going to just post what is below but my heart wouldn't let me.  I pray you all have some comfort, peace, and love this weekend and during the coming holiday.

“Silence is sometimes the best answer.”
From an early age, we’ve all been taught the importance of problem solving. Yet, sometimes, we can help people more by not trying to find solutions. In fact, on occasion, silent listening and empathy can be a priceless gift.
Families who are grieving the loss of a loved one, need time to mourn, not quick solutions. They need someone to listen while they pour out their hearts; they want a silent hug, not instant answers.
I've been silent, but know that I'm listening and hugging you all in my heart.

Comment by Dennis C. on November 23, 2013 at 11:49am

Dolly,

I would NEVER presume to even suggest that I know how anyone else feels.

I only know how I feel. I only know how much I hurt. I have no way of knowing how much anyone else feels and no one else could possibly know the pain that is in my heart.

I am so very sorry that I obviously did something that ended up negative when my whole motive for being here (and I have been a participant on this group before) is to comfort and encourage people.

I guess it was very bad judgement on my part to respond to the comment about "mediums being from God".

Please forgive me, and know that I hope the best for you, and I am so sorry for all of the suffering that you, as well as all others here are having to go through.

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 23, 2013 at 7:29am

Dolly,

will you be in Boston anytime after next Saturday or anyone else? would love to meet up and you are all welcome to our home.

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 23, 2013 at 7:27am

Merry,

Thinking of you and wishing for peace and joy keeping in mind how Gary would have showered his love and affection on you and others. 

we are leaving on Tuesday morning to Nashville to be with some of Craig's family and back on Saturday... feel a little stressed at meeting so many new people and oh so many fears about not bawling at the wrong moment etc. Tonite have friends for dinner so making some north Indian food.. have already started with the chopping n cutting!.. so I go about whatever the day brings..it also brings warmth and love so I look for that and hang on! love to all here ..hugsss

Comment by Teresa D. on November 22, 2013 at 10:19pm

Grace I hope you have a very successful concert.  The acts of kindness are nice tributes to Niles.

Comment by anne on November 22, 2013 at 7:30pm

It's ok Dennis. Everyone has a right to their beliefs. It's just difficult some times to understand the scriptures, and what they mean. Also from my experience the scriptures are even harder to comprehend when a person is in deep grief. I like knowing what the bible says. It helps me in the process of life, but my wounds aren't as raw as most here. There's nothing wrong with wanting to help.

Comment by Dennis C. on November 22, 2013 at 7:11pm

Dolly

I am sorry...I really just quoted a scripture. I didn't even say what the scripture meant. I just quoted the scripture. In essence then it is really just God talking.

And as to my being here. I have been a member for some time and have suffered many losses in life.

But I don't want to discourage anyone.

I am sorry if I offended you

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 22, 2013 at 4:49pm

God is Love and Love is God.. so I feel that a genuine medium can and does offer to one a visible representation of God, just like our children were forms we poured our love into.. I suppose my only problem is that with a medium we will still only know the past moments shared to verify but will not know more about anything elseof course there are genuine mediums and of course they help in the healing process.. each one moves to a different beat but all are from the same drummer.. so no question of losing God's love on top of everything else..xoxoxox

Comment by anne on November 22, 2013 at 3:44pm

In the beginning I so wanted to talk to a medium. Instead I spoke to God. I direct all of my questions about death, and the life after to God. I was too angry at first to have a conversation with God, but when the anger began to settle I could feel God speak to my heart. Now I talk to him everyday. All the things I feel I can't handle I give to God, and He always finds a way to help me. I feel in my heart, and soul that God is the only one who speaks the truth, and He's the only one with the right answers whether I understand them or not. Desperation, and pain can make a person search everywhere for answers that can only come from God. I know this for myself because I looked everywhere, and until I finally gave God a chance I had no peace. However I have a hard time thinking that God would despise a person whose heart, and soul has been through the depths, and pain of losing a child. I believe God knows our pain, and is willing to wait for us to come to Him, and He will be there with open arms. Peace, and Love to all from my heart to yours!

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