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Comment by Teresa D. on July 19, 2014 at 9:07am

Michael lived in a rented apartment so I had no choice but to clean his things out quickly.  I did bring home a cabinet full of random things, one of them being the last piece of paper he wrote on. 

Having his jersey's turned into quilts was a process. For me everything is a process now.   

I have been very lucky to have very supportive family and friends.

However, Kim that doesn't mean they don't sometimes say insensitive things without realizing it.  "Michael wouldn't want you to cry" Time will heal the wound" "you still have your daughter".  You and I know all this is stupid to say but because they are not walking in our shoes they have no clue and we have to try and let these things go.  I know how you feel cause I use to get mad at them now I just smile and ignore it.

We will never say these things to you Kim cause we do know.  I didn't understand when others would say you will learn to manage it but now I think I am starting to understand that. 

The pain is there, the tears are ready but I'm in a place now where it is very personal to me.  I save those moments for myself.  If that makes sense.

Comment by Gale Brunault on July 19, 2014 at 7:52am

Linda,

I pray that you find the strength and courage to manage the parting of your daughter's belongings.  It is yet another step in the long journey of grief.  Hugs

Comment by Michelle H on July 18, 2014 at 1:03pm

Linda, I pray that you get to have your grandchildren.

Vasanthi, when you have to leave your home in India behind, I suspect it will lead to another level of healing. Painful...

Comment by Linda on July 18, 2014 at 12:43pm

I broke down so very hard as I was going thru Desiree's this Connie.  The only way I managed to get through it was knowing that by giving them to her cousin was that she loved Desiree' much as a sister and that she will take care of her things as Desiree' would have.

Connie. Please. Go at your own personal pace but for us to heal we must start with ourselves. Desiree' too was my only child and the grandchildren (2-ages 7 and 3) I am battling in court to keep since the father has not been there for a very long time. So my pain runs very deep. But we must remind ourselves that we have others that need us.

I send you a BIG HUG with lots of love.

Comment by Vasanthi S on July 18, 2014 at 12:41pm

It is very very difficult to give things away . Back home I have left Shreyas's room as it isand since I am now in MA when I do go back for a visit as my parents are there in the next  flat though we made both the flats one, I will probably still leave everything as it is. I know when I used to go to his room since his closet etc has all the things of his in it, I felt close to him. I gave away one of his favourite pant and some shirts but I felt terrible about it. I used to tease him about that pant with so so many pockets and now I wish I hadnt acted so brave and given it away. Sighhhhh . Very soon my parents plan to shift to Southern India and leave Mumbai so at that time I also will sell the flat as It would haunt me with no Micks or my parents in it. Craig and me decided to get another home somewhere in the hills in India when we sell it off. Till then I will leave everything as it is... sighhhhhh I just want my son back so bad I just feel that sometimes I have run far away to just keep everything in my mind as it is. This way I feel he is still there. My head is not ok, not normal!!!!

Comment by Connie K on July 18, 2014 at 12:22pm

Linda
I have been going through my son's things this month. It has been 19 months. Some things I have already given to his best friends but his clothes have remained in his closet and dresser. I am planning in having the quilt made like Teresa from his favorite tee shirts and the rest is a slow process. maybe I should have someone help me but it feels too personal. Slowly I am going through the drawers. Hardest thing I've ever done since I said goodbye. I don't want to lose any memories, so hard to let go. I guess I'm moving too slow, some people think I should just get on with it. I just have to go at my own pace. Changing my only child's room into a guest room just feels like punch in the gut. I am going to keep it as a room he would have lived as a young man and hopefully put up my drawing board so I can put out my water colors and be creative in there. I wish you all the strength and sending you prayers.

I have been in South Carolina for the past week and a half and dealing with the whole weird family issues. I feel like I'm in a bubble everyone's too scared to pop. No one ever asks how I'm doing just goes about everything like nothing has changed. For most of them, nothing has since we live far away and Daniel was not part of their daily lives or sometimes even yearly. I feel so sad and have to keep it bottled up. I just want to go home but coming back to that empty room tears my heart out all over again. Just feeling exhausted and heartbroken
thinking of everyone here and wish you all peace.

Comment by kim on July 18, 2014 at 7:25am

this morning a friend came over I have not seen in months, he asked how I was doing and I just broke down and cryed. why do they keep asking and saying in time it  will better,  NO IT WONT, it will never ever be better.

Comment by kim on July 18, 2014 at 7:22am

linda, please take small breaks to just sit and breathe . I did nothing but cry the hole time . hugs  kim  

Comment by Linda on July 18, 2014 at 6:56am

today is the day I part with some of my daughters personal belongings. please pray for me that I may be able to do so....

Comment by Michelle H on July 17, 2014 at 9:23pm

Teresa, although it's hard to pick just one thing, I guess I'd say that "civilians" don't have a clue as to how to be with those of us who have lost a child. They don't know what to say or do around us.

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