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Comment by Vasanthi S on July 21, 2014 at 11:11am

Gale,

It is not an easy process and takes a long time to feel we can give away the last of what ties us to our beloved children. It is a tearing , an abrupt end to what we perceive as the last links to our children. I think that if we dont want to part with anything it is fine cos it feels like we are denying that they ever lived. This is so heartbreaking and so painful that whatever we decide and whenever we decide to make changes it is all valid. There are no rules. Nothing says that we will not 'move on'. Life will force us to continue on this journey whether we want to or not. I wish our realities were different, I wish we never had such a death blow meted out to any of us here. But the fact that we do may also mean that we are chosen to understand life better. xoxoxoxox to all my friends here.

Comment by Ammy on July 21, 2014 at 10:48am

Have not been posting, but I think of you all every day and I try to keep up with the posts.  There are no words that haven't already been said on here and no feelings that haven't been expressed.  I find every day the same and every day a little different.

Teresa, I have read what your aunt said to you a couple of times and each time I read it I get the chills.  So sad for her loss, but what a compassionate heart.

Now I want to ask if anyone has heard from Merry.  I keep in touch with her every once in awhile, but she has not responded lately and I know she was very depressed the last few times she posted.  

Merry if you are reading the posts I beg you to let us know you are here.

We can't always stay in our little cocoon.  We need to keep an eye on others.  Some of you that have been here a few years know  what I'm talking about.

May blessings of peace come to all of us. 

Comment by Connie K on July 21, 2014 at 10:39am

Thank you Linda. I am praying for you in your effort to keep your grandchildren. I hope it all works out for the best for everyone. hugs

Comment by Teresa D. on July 21, 2014 at 5:50am

Gale it is a hard process.  You want to hold onto everything.  I had no cloice but to clean out Michael's apartment now I have a cabinet full of random things that I will probably never part with. 

Michael loved his jersey's.  He had many and they were all in my closet weighing down the bar.  I didn't want to pack them away but I couldn't handle seeing them.  One day I pulled them out, laid them on  the bed and just laid in them and cried.  My daughter came up with the idea of having them turned into quilts.  I couldn't watch her take them or cut them but when she gave me the quilt I loved it.  

I think we all have to do it when were ready and part with what we can.  Somethings no matter how silly I'm just not giving up.

Comment by Connie K on July 20, 2014 at 8:28pm

Thank you Vasanthi for your understamding

Comment by Linda on July 20, 2014 at 4:18pm

I could only do baby steps giving away some of her lovely things. as it turned out her cousin was and is as delicate and gracious as my Boog (the nickname I gave to her cause during my pregnancy I loved to dance). Tiff her cousin would ask me repeatedly if I'm ok. As I cried and laughed at the same seeming time I thanked her for being so thoughtful as to help me thru this.  The only reason I was able to part with Desiree's things was the knowledge that Tiff would love and cherish the items as my precious baby would have.  As the day has passed I cry and cry but I know that Desiree' is now wearing the most beautiful of wonderful things only God can provide. This is my comfort. This is my peace....Hug's Gale and kisses from someone who knows the impossible pain from a recent loss, Desiree' has only gone home 3 months ago. She was my only child. My every breath. My every reason for living....

Comment by Gale Brunault on July 20, 2014 at 4:07pm

Linda, it has only been a month and a half since I lost my only child Michael.  I am not ready at all to give his things away.  I was wondering if you or anyone else could tell me when you felt like it was time to do so.  Thanks so much - so heartbroken.......

Comment by kim on July 20, 2014 at 10:28am

Teresa, thank you and  when your aunt said that to you it made me feel good for a moment,  as for your cousin I think I would have fainted. I know we need to ignore some things but from my sister it hurts bad.  there are times when I just want to slap peoples face, all you have to do is look at me, swollen eyes always trying to hold back  my tears when I go out.and most of all wanting to die everyday.   to much pain for one person to handle.   thank you Teresa  hugs  kim  

Comment by Teresa D. on July 20, 2014 at 9:39am

No, those are the things people have said to me while trying to comfort me.  Just like when it was said to you "time will heal" The point is we have to ignore some of the things people say because while they mean well they don't know these things are hurtful and do not help our grieving.   

Went to my Aunt's 80th surprise party last night.  She lost her son over 30 years ago.  She said to me, "I'm watching you and your doing good.  I know everybody expects you to be okay but we know your forever different, but your doing good". That meant so much to me.

Then about 30 minutes later one of my cousins came up to me and asked, "Where's Michael?"  My face said it all and she quickly apologized.  I know she didn't mean to upset me, she just simply forgot. 

Comment by kim on July 19, 2014 at 10:26am

terea, am I the kim you are talking to? because I do not have a daughter and my sons name is shawn. just asking ok  thank you   hugs  kim

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