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Comment by Connie K on February 14, 2015 at 10:30am

Happy Birthday in heaven Michael! hugs Teresa and everyone

Comment by Connie K on February 14, 2015 at 10:29am

Okay thanks Sandy - here's the post. PM me if you'd like to talk about my specific experiences.

In response to Jill talking about seeking faith in something  -

Jill - faith is very personal and has to be a personal journey. All I can say is that since I have lost my Daniel, I want to be where he is, I want to understand that he's okay, that he is experiencing amazing things that we simply are not meant to know yet. So the only way I could get through some days, even though I am not a religious person, would be to find a place where I FELT spirit is. Most churches were locked during the weekdays because I would randomly go to a few (I didn't have one) just to be in a sacred space. Locked doors. Feeling so alone and empty and not knowing what to do with myself or where to go to get away from this crushing reality, I went to a place I had visited with my son one mother's day. We had hiked the beautiful grounds of the Ananda Ashrama where there are 100 acres of consecrated sacred land. A sanctuary for all people of all religions really. That is exactly what it is. It is the Temple of Universal Consciousness. Finally there I am able to be quiet and feel that there is definitely more than this physical plane of existence. I have always had psychic experiences so because of my own experiences I KNOW that spirits exist. I know because I have seen them, communicated with them. That has not always accepted by 'religious" doctrine. In fact raised as a southern Baptist, they would say fear based, crazy things to me and I felt I never fit into traditional doctrine. I didn't choose these experiences. They started when i was 3 years old for peet's sake. So I have been searching ...

The point is we all know that there is a something inside us all. A small voice. A conscience or God or whatever you want to call it that guides us if we listen. But it is more than mere thought. It is a knowing , a feeling of connection with something divine, of being part of that divine presence. And indeed the amazing electrical connections in the universe are a fact. Just think about this, human beings can only see, hear, experience 1% of the electromagnetic field. Does that mean the other 99% doesn't exist? No, we just can't see it. Think about the POSSIBILITY that your child is not dead, that their true essence, their true being, their spirit is very much alive. I believe we are not here to be punished, but to learn. And the wisdom (and pain) I have gained from losing my son is immense. I want to go back so badly and change the things I did that were unkind or selfish. Hoping that I could change things. But I will try hard not to be that way again with anyone. I still feel like he is with me and I can still make him proud.

So I PRACTICE. I have learned to meditate daily. To deliberately create peace in my home. To invoke spirit. To acknowledge the divine father, mother, and/or mother nature that we all come from. It doesn't have to be faith in any "God" that someone has taught you about. It's just to find that divine space in yourself. That's where you'll find your faith. If in nothing else but in the most incredible, incomparable love that you experienced with your child. Just start with that. Because that love that we have been so blessed to have is what I believe will bring us together one day. I simply could not go on if i didn't believe this to be true. That doesn't mean I don't have doubts and don't cry all day like all of us here.  I do. I am devastated and will always be. I will never be the same and have not found the "joy and bliss" some speak of when they talk about their faith. But I have to return to that hope and to the faith that there will be another chapter to come where I will be with my precious boy again.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 14, 2015 at 10:13am

No Connie, you didn't say too much, I feel we are all able to say anything and everything on here, but I found what you were saying so extremely interesting...I want to believe it so much. hugs to you today x0

Comment by Connie K on February 14, 2015 at 10:11am

Sandy I was really  expressing a lot yesterday and thought I had said too much maybe. I will send you the post

Comment by Jesse's Mom on February 14, 2015 at 10:08am

Happy Heavenly Birthday Michael...

 

Thanks Sandy for your comments...this experience really sorts out the people in our lives...

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 14, 2015 at 9:58am

Happy Valentines Day my friends...

Connie you posted something yesterday that I skimmed through about having "experiences" and believing our kids are around us in a different form.  I was real busy at work and I want to read it again and I can't find it.  If you have it can you repost it, I wanted to read it more clearly today. I'm curious as to what you have seen your whole life.  I struggle with where my Randy is, the not knowing is very hard.  I do believe in heaven but I dont' even know what I want to say. ugg so very hard.  This time last year he was in rehab and I took him a card and candy.  I miss him so and I know we all feel the same whole in our entire being and our hearts.  Love to everybody...

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 14, 2015 at 9:50am

Hey Laurie...I don't blame you for not going.  I'm sorry about your friend.  Some people can't cope and don't know what to say.  One of my best friends has really let me down also.  Just ignores the whole situation like everything should just be ok and we just go on.  What a joke, right? It is a very lonely place we are. Sending you love and hugs.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 14, 2015 at 9:48am

Thinking of you Theresa...Happy Birthday Michael, sending lots of hugs your way x0

Comment by Jesse's Mom on February 14, 2015 at 9:09am

Someone asked about how you sit through weddings when you know your child won't have any...

I have a friend (used to be a BFF but since my son died she has shunned me)...well she sent me a invitation to her firstborn son's wedding...at first my husband thought we should go, I had my doubts...now today as my husband and I talked, he too realizes that it just won't work to attend. Not that she has been any where close to support me...just as first and when she saw how intense the grief was she booked...

...she has a very nice life, very easy...and yet she takes anti-anxiety medication and a anti-depressant (I am not sure what for)...I think if she lost her firstborn she would go crazy...not that I wish this fate on anyone...but I think there are some who just are too uncomfortable with a bereaved mom...what is really strange to me is how much she attends church (she is a songleader and her husband has been a deacon for years), she encouraged her son to go into the ministry and yet she cannot handle death, or be of assistance to me, her supposed BFF. I do not think she realizes that those in the ministry are supposed to be able to assist others in transition, the grieving, and death rites it should not be just a social club where those who have the perfect life can parade around. So  I do not think we are going to be attending after all...I don't have the energy to cope with how my son isn't here, this is my second child death and my infant son is laid to rest not far from where she lives...

....but the feeling of isolation is there...my son did so much with us...It is 28 months out, and even though the raw pain and surrealness has faded, it has been replaced with hard, cold reality...the missing...the outrage of the injustice of it all...

...we are still in the trial....it will go on until June...I am so fatigued...everyone has left basically...we sit alone...

Comment by Teresa D. on February 14, 2015 at 7:44am

Happy Birthday Michael. I love you.

 

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