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Comment by Connie K on June 10, 2015 at 3:45pm

So sweet!

Comment by Dolly on June 10, 2015 at 3:21pm

Look what we saw at the mountain house last week... about 15 feet from our side door... the baby was still not weaned but from time to time would nurse from his mama.. she watched us VERY closely as we tried to get their picture from inside the house through the glass window of the inner door and the screen in the outer door... so its not a great quality picture, but the subject is priceless I think... I have NEVER seen a baby deer this small so close to the house and have only seen one other in all the years we have had this place, and that one was in the road on the way over the mountain.. AND both showed themselves after Brandon died.. as did many other creatures that had not let us see them before... as if Brandon sent them... or God sent them.. to comfort us or bring us a glimmer of joy again...

Comment by Connie K on June 10, 2015 at 10:45am

Teresa you are so right. What our children have taught us, is that life is precious and fleeting. Altho it is so hard to give when we are so broken, I believe the giving and receiving of love is the only thing that will get us through this. I am sorry your mother is not able to give that to you right now. Most of my family never mention my son.

Ammy, thank you for your encouragement. Even if you don't have a hobby, going away for a couple of days to read and relax would be good for you.  Those 2 grandchildren of yours are your greatest creation and because you are there for them it is probably harder to have time to let your true feelings out and take some time for yourself. I will be thinking of you and your family this Sunday. I know how hard those days are.

Hugs to everyone today. It is amazing to me how time passes like this

Comment by Teresa D. on June 10, 2015 at 6:38am

Connie I know you will finish writing that song.

Life before we lost our children is not coming back.  We make changes and create new things.  Holidays and everything else in time will begin to take a new shape.  We will always mourn our children and everything else in life we lost when we lost them. 

I want to share this with people.  in 2008 I lost my father very quickly to cancer.  He was diagnosed in May and we buried him in August.

My parents were married for 51 years when he passed.  My mother totally shut down that day.  To this day she is still shut down.  I lost my Michael in 2012 and to date my mother has not been able to offer me any comfort because she is so lost in her own grief.

She has emotionally shut down on us.  I have never needed her more in my life than now, but I came to accept she is not capable.

Why do I share this because I want people to realize no matter how hard this is on us we can't forget about those who are still alive and still in our lives. 

Look I know this hurts.  I am still crying everyday.  But I also know I can't allow myself to shut down like my mother. I need that hug from her just like my daughter needs that hug from me.

Comment by Sharon on June 9, 2015 at 9:25pm

I feel like I'm always on the edge of losing it too. How can anyone survive this awful nightmare? I want my old life and self back...

Comment by Rj on June 9, 2015 at 7:20pm

Seems like a lifetime ago since i heard the word "mom"...knowing i will never hear it again drives me to the edge of insanity most days.

Comment by Rj on June 9, 2015 at 7:11pm

I have had a couple of people tell me i need to be careful about drinking with the medication i am on, they say oh it will make you more depressed. There is nothing that i do that can possibly depress me more than i am. I stood out in my back yard the other night during a bad lightening storm holding a metal umbrella...seriously i can not feel worse

Comment by Rj on June 9, 2015 at 6:49pm

It will take me 5 minutes to pack connie! I have aleays wanted to do something like that. Proud of you...we are all suffering to some degree but at least we are trying. As for me, i have just been so irritable, cant stand myself. I Hate being mean thats why i am just staying away from people as much as i can. I did attend a group session last night. It was helpful, i like the groups better than one on one. I may purchase a punching bag and hang it in my basement and go at it!

Comment by Ammy on June 9, 2015 at 12:10pm

Thank you Connie and Laurie.  I appreciate your responses.  So far today I'm doing okay and taking it with gratitude.  It's still minute by minute this week.
Connie I don't have any hobbies and I don't do much except keep up with the house and my 2 youngest grandchildren.  I believe I'm older than most on here except for one other mom and I've been here pretty long.  I am happy that you decided to do the retreat and I have confidence that you will complete that song.  I wish you the best.
Laurie, thanks for the link.  I will check it out, but I think I have read some of her articles.  I wish you kinder, gentler days.
Thanks again and I do wish everyone those kinder, gentler days.  They do help keep us going.  {{{Hugs}}} 

Comment by Connie K on June 8, 2015 at 5:54pm

Thanks for the link Laurie. I have still not found a local counselor who has lost a child. I really feel that would be the only on who could help.

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