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Comment by Melissa Broome on November 18, 2011 at 2:28am

Laura,

I'm so sorry your lonely...and that you can't sleep. I can't sleep well either I don't know why. I'm not lonely..lonely for my mom..But I dunno if that should cause me not to be able to sleep. Anyways I'm normally up late So if yah want someone to talk to I'd be glad to take away some of your loneliness 

Big hugs!

Melissa

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 18, 2011 at 1:15am

Well here I lie in bed, unable to sleep. I don't know why I haven't gotten used to this yet, but every night I go to bed thinking tonight I will be able to sleep. It's been a rough month. There are to many memories associated with this month. Maybe we can delete it from the calendar.I cleaned under my bed the other day,actually took off the mattress and box spring and really cleaned. I found cigarette butts. Who would ever think stinky, nasty cigarette butts would make me cry, but they did. They were a part of Jon. Just like the clothes and shoes still in his closet. Every night when I turn on the fan in the bedroom, I wait for Jon to complain because it is too cold. He doesn't say a word. When I use the lotion he didn't like the smell of, I don't hear "that stinks" if only I could hear his voice one more time. If only I could tell him one more time just how much I love him.

Comment by mercy on November 17, 2011 at 11:16am

Bless you Laura; you were so blessed. I hope you find peace and comfort in the memories of Jon. Few people ever get to experience that kind of gift. I experienced it with someone who also went to be with the Lord a few years ago. I took so much forgranted then, I feel that if I had stayed with him, he would still be live (long story). I thank God that I had five wonderful years with him.

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 17, 2011 at 8:37am

Melissa

Like Michael, my choice for mate seemed a little unlikely in the beginning.  Even though I asn't aware of it at first, Jon was using cocaine quite heavily.  When i found out abou the drug use, I gave him an ultimatum.  It was the drugs or me.  Thankfully he chose me, and was clean ever since. 

Jon was the kind of guy who did not know a stranger.  He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  He was very spontaneous.  We took several last minute trips over the years, because we both had a three day weekend, or because he had personal days to burn.  He had an amazing sense of humor, always involving my daughter in some April fools prank against me.  One time he put red koolade in the shower head so when I took a shower "blood" would rain down on me.  Another time he threw firecrackers in the bathroom while I was in the shower scaring the pee out of me.  I usually got him back in some lame way, but i did get him.  One time, on Valentines Day, he called the local radio station to have them play me a song.  He chose Dead Flowers by The Rolling Stones.  The people at the station thought he was being a jerk, but he knew I really liked the song and it would mean something to me.  It was one of the songs we played at his funeral.

He put up with a lot also.  I LOVE teddy bears, so much that we have teddy bear towels, canisters, dishes, knick knacks, as well as many, many, stuffed ones around the house.  He would always remember to buy me some kind of bear for each occasion.  

Well now that I have myself crying at work, I better stop writing so I don't get too emotional.  

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 16, 2011 at 2:23am

Barbara thank you I will look for the book. So sorry about your husband. my mom was really ill for a yr as well but we didn't know she had cancer until Feb 2011 by then it was to late..I miss her so much

Big hugs to you

Melissa

Comment by Barbara Sutton on November 16, 2011 at 12:54am

April 2 I lost the love of my life and my best friend to colon cancer, Melissa, I started reading a book called Prayer that Works and discussing the chapters with my neighbor. We are only on the third chapter but it is amazing when I sit and read, how I am finding me in the writings. Now I am not an overly religious person so know this first, but in this last chapter the author writes, " God in his grace veils the future from us and says, "Trust me, do what you know to do in the here and now,and I will look after the future" It is also written God's clock keeps perfect time, God's time is not to be confused with people time." It is interesting that in my daily reminders of the pain I suffer with the loss of my husband, that this book has become a tool to remind me that I am human, and that the unanswered prayers, may in fact be answered, just not in the way we think they should be.

We all as I am finding out, need something to ease the pain. My husband had lost his job almost 2 years ago, and finally had gone back to work, he lost his health care as well. A year ago he started losing weight, I thought it was is diabetes, December 11 our first grandchild was born, but Jim got sicker. Running a fever, we isolated him in the spare room so that if it was a virus he would not get the baby sick, a few days before Christmas he was feeling better. Jim never had children of his own, but this grandchild was the hopes and dreams he had always wanted, so he spent as much time with the baby as he could, then would rest. Little did we know, that once he returned to work in January, reinstated his health care, that he would only live 3 months longer, by then it was too late.

I guess my point here is that because I think God is good, and feel guilty for asking him for help, when I did pray for Jim to be healed, I am not feeling as though I was abandoned by my faith, but rather think that taking Jim to heaven as fast as he did, it was a blessing he did not suffer for years, he was only 52. Our loss of those we love with each breath we take is unbearable, and in those moments of dispare, we tend to refocus on the life around us, regroup, and wait until the tears flow again. I am just looking for comfort in those times and thought I would share what has eased some of my pain, even though it does not last long. My heart goes to all of us here that share the grief of our loss. We are brothers and sisters in this way, a common ground that no one should have to share, but this site has become a source of comfort too.

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 15, 2011 at 11:26pm

Laura,

I'm so very sorry you found that awful note. I'm pretty sure he had cancer before he wrote that note..So I don't think god answered his prayers to end his misery and pain. I know it's hard to find something like that. Cancer is a horrible thing it sneaks up on you and takes away our loved ones. I truly hate it and I have never hated something so much in my life!

Hugs,

Melissa

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 15, 2011 at 11:06pm

Melissa, Today was an especially hard day. I took on cleaning out from under my bed. We have 2 boxer's, well, only one now, the older one died just before Jon did. If you know anything about Boxers, they are garbage hounds. Butch the older dig would take his stash onto The floor on Jon's side of the bed and it would get shoved under the bed. Needless to say there were a lit of papers and licked clean bowls unde our bed. While cleaning I found a note Jon had written obviously before we found out he was sick. He had just lost his job of 34 years due to plant closure. He was very depressed and thought he was letting his family down. I am a teacher so financially we were okay, just had to tighten our belts a bit. But, in this letter he had asked God to do something to end his misery and pain. Remember, we did not know he was sick at this time. Then in December of that year we find out he has Melanoma. I have been really confused and fretful all day. I spoke to my pastor and the family dr. I KNOW God answers prayers, but I do not and do not want to believe he answers this kind of prayers. Both men told me the Gid they know would not Make him have cancer because he asked for something to relieve the pain and misery of depression. I truly hope not, and I would tell others in this situation He wouldn't. But this is my life and my husband and I am struggling with it.

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 15, 2011 at 10:06pm

Michael, That is beautiful..You both are very talented. She seemed to be beautiful through and through. you were both very lucky to find each other..My heart goes out to you that your time together was cut short. I'm glad your continuing doing something you both loved to do.

Big hugs to you,

Melissa

Comment by michael sandoval on November 15, 2011 at 9:41pm

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