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Comment by Laura Salefski on December 15, 2011 at 10:30pm

I wrapped a few gifts tonight and cried because I couldn't put the from Grandma & Papa. It the seemingly silly, little things that set me off. I am trying to figure out a way financially to go "home" for Christmas. Then I loudly and clearly hear Jon's words, "My present is our trip to Canada". I know each and every one of us has asked this question, but I would really like an answer. Why us, why Jon. Doesn't God realize how much I need him. I am some what a people watcher. Everyone appears to be happy. Everyone else seems to have someone. Why was my someone taken away? It warms my heart and deeply saddens me when my 5 year old grand daughter talks about her papa. I only hope she carries those memories always. My 12 year old grand daughter had to set the train up around the Christmas tree the other night "just like papa did". I bet I cried for an hour because of a stupid toy train. Just when I think I am doing better it hits me all over again.

Comment by Barbara Sutton on December 14, 2011 at 7:31pm

Dear Barbra, My husband got sick 1 year ago this week. This week also marked the birth of our very first grandchild. We thought Jim had the flu so we isolated him for almost 2 weeks because of the fever he had, little did we know at this time he only had 4 months left of life....Christmas was totally ruined last year as well by some "outsiders" that chose to come bearing name calling etc. Little did I know at this time it would be our last Christmas together as a family as well. I will never get this time of year back that we celebrated for so many years. December is also the month that he proposed to me. I know I will get through it, if for nothing else but my grandson and daughter. I have to. It is hard. I dread my next 2 weeks off because I don't know if I will cry, and if I don't will I feel guilty? So many mixed emotions for this year. It just sucks as you stated, and I agree. Huggs and prayers for you and all of us related to this blog, and know that we all share this grief makes it so that we are not alone.

Comment by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on December 14, 2011 at 4:39pm

This is the time of year my brother got sick, 2yrs ago. I feel like i've come so far in my grief and than..........it all comes flooding back. Its hard to read some of these posts because the pain is so real and so raw.I feel and pray for you all. This just sucks.

Comment by Melissa Broome on December 6, 2011 at 10:37pm

Welcome Michele! Laura, I'm so very sorry you hurt yourself. I fear getting sick or needing surgery my mom was always there for me during these times. In fact I twisted my ankle a few days ago and have been thinking mom would be here to help me..Makes me sad. I hope your wrist heals quickly

Melissa

Comment by Laura Salefski on December 6, 2011 at 8:40pm

Michelle, I know just how you feel.  This fall has been one first after another for me starting in Sept with Jon's birthday, then our annivrsary, within three days of each other.  Then came mt birthday, Thanksgiving, then on Dec 3rd the first anniversary of Jon's death.  On Dec 4th I fell and broke my hand and had to have surgery.  Jon was not with me, in fact other than the friend who dropped me off and picked me up I was all alone at the hospital.  The nurses thought I was crying because of the pain, or fright.  hHowever I was crying because I needed Jon to be with me.  Some days I feel like I can't make it without him, then he shows up in my dreams to encourage me to go on.  I know you, and all of us will make it.  Just keep writing and this group will see you through. 

Comment by Betsy Arnold on December 6, 2011 at 8:38pm

Mike and Michele,

Please accept my condolences. I lost my 43 year old husband 2 years ago. Mike, the holidays make me sad without Dale (my husband). Michele, I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel "outside." Happy belated birthday, although I do know how hard it is without your husband. I've had two birthdays without him and this will be my third Christmas. I still break loose with emotions, and completely understand.

                     Love and condolences to both of you,

                                   Betsy

Comment by michael sandoval on December 6, 2011 at 8:27pm

Dear Michele,

please accept my condolences.  I know how you feel.

Love, 

Mike

Comment by Michele on December 6, 2011 at 8:24pm

Just reading these posts make me feel welcome to the first group of people who truly know how I am feeling.  I lost my husband in August.  I have four children still at home.  I am so lonely.  I have friends who listen and try to comfort me but I still feel "Outside".  Yesterday was my birthday and I did not think that it would be a big deal...Sunday evening all hell broke loose with my emotions.  It was the first time that my kids were around for the storm.  We made it through! 
    I am so thankful for a place to write!

Comment by michael sandoval on December 6, 2011 at 5:15pm

The holidays make me sad without Denise

Comment by mercy on December 6, 2011 at 1:47pm

Cynthia, I always miss you when you don’t post. Its so nice to read from you again. I totally understand the depression you are dealing with. I’m in that place myself and the meds are not helping me either. I think this weather has something to do with our moods? I know I’m sad about having to spend the holidays without mom but this kind of deep darkness is nothing like I’ve experienced in a while. The words you say Don would have used are not cold, it sounds like something mom would say to me too. Mom was a very matter of fact person and hated to see anyone having a pity party. I know she meant well and her words always resonate with me to this day. I also remember some words you wrote to me when I was in a very bad place and these keep me going. Thanks for sharing your insight and always know that I care about you and think about you a lot.
God Bless.

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