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Comment by Laura Salefski on December 20, 2011 at 12:15am

It has been one year and 16 days since Jon's death. It feels like forever since I held him or spike to him, yet it hurts like it has just happened. I still feel like I am in limbo. Just like I did that morning when he died. I can't believe he has actually been taken from me. There are still many times when I reach for the phone on my way home from school to see if he needs anything. My phone will ring and my first thought is that Jon is calling to see when I will be home. It's strange how our mind still expects the "normal" everyday things to continue.

I know at this time of year we are all missing our loved ones who are no longer with us, and I continue to pray for each and everyone of us. May God wrap one and all in His loving embrace and make this season just a little bit easier. Amen

Comment by Laura Salefski on December 19, 2011 at 10:17pm

Thanks Melissa, as you well know, we all need hugs.

Comment by Melissa Broome on December 19, 2011 at 12:17am

Laura. Hugs!

Comment by Laura Salefski on December 19, 2011 at 12:02am

The calendar keeps reminding me that Christmas is drawing nearer. I however want to be like a bear and sleep through it. I am raising a 12 year old grand daughter so that is not realistic. Last weekend we put up our tree. Because I hbroke my wrist, we didn't go out and cut our own tree this year, we bought one at a local tree place that has pre cut trees. My grand daughter was with her dad for the weekend, so for the first time in about 10 years I picked out the tree. Big mistake! M had a big meltdown. Papa was not here, we could not cut down a tree like we always did, AND.....I did let let her pick the tree. It was her job,Papa always let her pick our tree. So after deciding it was the ugliest tree she had ever seen, she went to bed. I then cried. I messed up our tradition, Jon is not here, and Christmas will never be the same. Monday was a little better. I got the lights on the tree one handed, then the two of us put the decorations on it. When we were done M disappeared in her room for quite some time. When she finally came out she had one of her old train sets with her. She quietly sat down on the floor and put the track together around the tree. She told me we had to keep one of Papa's traditions going this year. Guess what? I started sobbing. Jon always put one of her trains around the tree. I really miss him. He could infuriate me and make me laugh all in the same instant. At times I wanted to wring his neck. He never could figure out what the hamper was for and I would get so mad at him. What I would give to find his dirty clothes laying on the floor beside the hamper.

Comment by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on December 18, 2011 at 6:13pm

Thanks Barbara- It is such a tough time of year. I would give anything to get that phone call from my brother. He never missed a holiday or a moment to let us know that he loved us. Honestly I could not imagine if it was my husband that I was writing about. The one thing I did learn is that I make no apologies for who I am and what I'm feeling. If you have to cry than thats what you have to do and no one is going to take that from me. So no guilt, even if it means you can laugh at something your grandchildren did. Laugh with all you got. Thats the biggest gift you can give Jim.

Comment by Laura Salefski on December 18, 2011 at 1:30pm

Betsy, I would really like that. Thank you

Comment by Betsy Arnold on December 18, 2011 at 12:54pm

Laura,

  I can try to do that. I've got a CD of the song (I have many CDs of my music, actually). II've never posted anything to youtube, but I'll see what I can do. Hopefully can accomplish that. If not, what I can do is send you CDs of my music and that song, plus many others I wrote about losing a loved one will be on them.

Comment by Laura Salefski on December 18, 2011 at 11:40am

Betsy, can you sing the sing and post it to YouTube? Then we could actually hear you sing the song.
Just a thought.

Comment by Melissa Broome on December 18, 2011 at 1:14am

Betsy, I would love to see the song you wrote :)

Comment by Betsy Arnold on December 16, 2011 at 12:32am

Laura,

I completely understand that feeling of watching everyone else be happy with their "someone" when mine was taken away and I also ask, why us, why Dale? For me it's been two years and today I took a huge step and life has changed forever yet again, just like waking up the morning after he died knowing that same feeling...life had changed forever. I need him here. I needed him today. I am stepping out of the music therapy student role as of tomorrow and today began my new life as a future music therapist intern...this was something he wanted so badly for me. I've spent my life as a full time caregiver, or full time college student, full time wife and patient advocate/caregiver to him...and January 2012 I am one step closer to becoming a full time board certified professional music therapist. July or August will hopefully see me Board Certified and looking at a full time job as a music therapist. A dream come true...yet I'm so scared, too...I so wish he were here to tell me it will be okay. On Monday night I'm singing a song I wrote at our church called "Merry Christmas from Heaven" for what we call a "Blue Christmas" service for those who lost loved ones. It's part of what I do to help others, too, but it will be hard. I've never sung this song in public before and now that's happening, too...all without him. I miss my husband!

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