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Comment by Crystal K on August 13, 2018 at 3:51am

The indifference is hard. I hate it when people ask me how Zim doing or how lifw is... I just want to scream at them “how do you think it is!” My boss constantly asks me and everytime I just respond with a “fine” or “its good.” The other day I was talking about how stressed I was and he ssid, what does a 26 year old stress about- he thought my life was all perfect. I know he means well but seriously! I lost my mom, do you think my life is ok?? I dont tell him this ofcourse because I dont want them pitying me...  I found out I have really bad panic attacks whenever Im sick... I think its the experience of my mom dying so suddenly.. I was sick last week nothing serious just bad fever and chills, probably the flu and I checked myself into the ER because I found myself panicking really thinking to myself that I may die... it was the scariest thing ever... I couldnt breathe and my heartrate was  crazy... There is a new challenge everday... 

Comment by Theresa on August 12, 2018 at 7:04pm

I walk over to my moms picture every single night and say mom I love you I hope you know that.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 12, 2018 at 6:55pm

I wish that I could have handled the loss of my mother better than I have but I do believe that what I am experiencing is a testament to how much I loved my mom. To have gotten through this without scars would have been awkward as well. I would have wondered if my relationship with my mom was as great as I thought. I knew how much I loved my mom when she was alive, and Lord knows, do I ever know it now that she is gone.

Comment by BLUEBELL on August 12, 2018 at 11:34am

I understand how you feel Virginia when you say nothing makes sense anymore. It is like a puzzle that once fit together. But now pieces are either missing or have changed shape.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 12, 2018 at 12:08am

You wouldn't have posted if nothing mattered. Don't give up.

Comment by Virginia G on August 11, 2018 at 11:47pm

Nothing matters, nothing makes sense anymore.  Lost, trapped, alone, scared

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 11, 2018 at 11:44pm

Daylight, to be honest it's not that hard. When I first lost mom I was hurt deeply by many of my "friends" even families indifference, but I got over that pretty quickly. I am just indifferent to them in return, and I am not faking it. Indifference breeds indifference. Friendship is a two way street. When people are indifferent over something that hurts you so badly, your friendship with them was never as strong as you may have thought. There are some people that I used to think of as friends. Now I think of them as acquaintances. Some folks just can't see past their shell. They have their own little world, and until this happens to them, they cannot know. It may have even happened to a lot of them and it may have hurt them greatly, but you learn that you were always an arm's length away from them. You just didn't know it.

Comment by Virginia G on August 11, 2018 at 11:43pm

How do I get to her?  I need to get to her.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 11, 2018 at 10:14pm

Bluebell, I think she's okay. She's just getting old. She has diabetes and she can't see. All of this just reminds me of her mortality. I saw her sister die last year. There is something so sad about all of this. I have her today but I am holding on to a piece of the past. The last remnant of a past that I love dearly.

Comment by Daylight on August 11, 2018 at 9:51pm

Hi everyone! Sorry for not posting anymore. I haven't been brave enough to do it. I think is denial hitting back. However, I've been reading your comments every day. You seem like the only people on earth that can understand me. I understand your feelings as well. So sorry to think about the inevitable loss of our beloved pets. My is nine years old, hope are can make it a few years more. I feeling so alone at the moment. Nobody seems to understand my pain. I was wondering how you cope with people's indifference... my regards to you all.

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