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Comment by Donna Schlatter on January 26, 2012 at 6:05am

Morning all...haven't been on here in awhile but enjoy reading the posts.  I have been attending grief counseling and while she doesn't say MUCH, the fact that she listens to me and makes me feel like I am NOT going completely crazy, is what really helps.  My father has decided to exhume my mother's body and place her in a cemetery that is closer to his home so he can visit her more often.  While I understand his reasoning, it's hard for me to visualize them removing her while she is resting and at peace.  This set me off for a bad day yesterday of CONSTANTLY having visions of her last days in the hospital, blowing me kisses, unable to breathe properly....this woman who was so vibrant and full of energy her whole life, was slowly being taken down by this awful disease.  While I know that time heals all pain, this large hole in my heart will never be replaced. 

 

Comment by K.T on January 26, 2012 at 5:54am

Big hugs Nicole. My father is still alive, but I'm afraid we don't have a good relationship and I also feel like I've lost all the unconditional love in my life, it was strange but I felt parentless when my Mum died even though my Dad is still here in this world.

I'm sure whatever your decisions were regarding your career your parents are so proud of you, and I'm sure their unconditional love hasn't gone, you will be eternally loved by them.

Comment by Nicole on January 26, 2012 at 4:35am

I also feel jealous of other people who still have their parents.  I lost both my parents within a period of 9 months.  What makes me sad is when some people just send their parents to old aged homes and never visit them.  Don't they realise they too will get old?  I had to make very important decisions affecting my career over the past month and I cried so much because I wished I could have asked my parents their advice to help me with my decisions.  Parents also give their children unconditional love, which is what I feel I have lost.

Comment by Melissa Broome on January 25, 2012 at 10:08pm

being a mother myself of 3 young children. I hope when it's my time to go. They do not hurt as much as I do for my mother. Hopefully they are older for one. I too get jealous of other people who still have their mother's. My hubby has his but he lost his father when he was 17. We also lost 3 more family members this month. when will it stop. geez give us a break already

Comment by K.T on January 25, 2012 at 2:57pm

Big hug Cindy, I think we can all relate on this one! I've never been so jealous or emotional about mother/child relationships before.

Comment by Cindi B on January 25, 2012 at 1:53pm

I feel the same way when my boyfriend talks to his Mom on the phone. She came to visit us last weekend. I feel bad that sometimes I just can't stand to look at her because she reminds me so much of my Mom. He doesn't call and talk to her enough and I get so jealous that I just want to scream at him, because if my Mom was still here I'd talk to her all the time. *Sigh* Always glad to not feel so crazy and alone in this.

Comment by K.T on January 25, 2012 at 11:24am

You're not being dramatic Mercy... a colleague was talking to her Mum on the phone the other day in front of me. When I got home I cried for hours just because I heard their loving chit chat over the phone. It made me miss my Mum so much. None of the bizarre things we do are "dramatic" it's just our way of dealing and coping. x

Comment by mercy on January 25, 2012 at 10:53am

I’ve always loved older people and they love me; in fact, when I was in graduate school, I worked with older people in special facilities. Now am in my field of study and I meet all kinds of folks. This morning, I was helping a 93 year old man on the computer. This man is healthy, walks straight, has good hearing and knows his way around the computer. I couldn’t help asking God why He took away my 71 year old mother. I used to enjoy being around older people but now it’s just depressing. I also wanted to work in healthcare but cannot stand being around sick people anymore! I’ve heard of parents who have lost kids and cannot stand being around kids who are the same age as their departed. I hope am normal and not being dramatic

 

Comment by K.T on January 25, 2012 at 8:31am

Thanks Elaine, I just can't stop crying today. I need to get ready for work and I just don't know how I'm going to make it through the day :( Just when I think I'm getting stronger I take 5 steps back and feel worse than I have done in months. My boyfriend wants me to see a doctor now because he's worried I'm going to have some kind of nervous breakdown. But I don't know how I feel about that :( I just want to feel in control of my emotions and I'm scared of losing him too with all my constant mood swings and nerves.

Comment by K.T on January 25, 2012 at 5:05am

Hi guys,

Thought I was coping a bit better last night. But woke up at 5am sat up in bed, screaming my head off (I know, I sound crazy right?) When I woke up I was completely shaking and sweaty, petrified. I can't remember if I was having nightmares, but I was (as usual) remembering awful moments in my Mum's last few months. I try and switch it off before I sleep but can't seem to clear my mind. I think the screaming was my body's way of telling me I can't cope any more :/

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