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Comment by MSB on February 26, 2012 at 11:08pm

Today was a step back for me. Just a sad lonely Sunday even though i did not spend the whole day alone. I guess it is also 11 weeks tonight since my mom left my house and I brought her to the ER.

 

Comment by mercy on February 23, 2012 at 10:42pm

Elaine, I hear you, and its too late for our moms. Every time I hear a story about these advances; I change channels. I'm just sick with grief and will never be ok until I see mom again.

Comment by mercy on February 23, 2012 at 7:27pm

Cancer is the devil in disguise. Chemo made my mom so miserable, I wished I would have taken her place and pain many times over. She was always so sweet and thoughful of everyone else, even to her last day on earth. My heart will forever be broken.Our sweet moms didn't deserve this horrible death. Sometimes my anger at this disease surpasses my grief!

Comment by MSB on February 23, 2012 at 10:35am

Like I said, I had some good days this past week. I feel the depression coming back. Missing my mom terrible. Not that i stopped, it was just a little better. But, now, on these nice days, i am starting to think of all of the places we liked to go together. I guess life will always be hard without my mom.

Comment by Sue Waxman on February 23, 2012 at 8:45am

Elaine,

I watched my mom suffer horribly! I will never forget it.

Comment by Sue Waxman on February 23, 2012 at 8:44am

Hello,

I am reading your postings and you all sound like I feel. The days just keep passing and I just feel so alone most of the time. I get home from work, have a few glasses of wine and go to bed. I am starting to get depressed again. I'm on an antidepressent. But sometimes even that can't stop the saddness. The loneliness, the emptiness is just unbearable at times. I miss my mom so much.

Comment by MSB on February 22, 2012 at 3:49pm

I am so glad to hear that Mercy. You and your child deserve to live your life. Your mother would want this for you. I have to admit, I also was thinking of how I did not want to live anymore. It is so painful to be in a world without my mother. Then there are days that I feel it is worth a tyr. I think I do want to live and I am just scared.

Comment by mercy on February 22, 2012 at 12:49pm

Thanks you Marlene. I'm sorry about the job loss, it just makes it that much harder for you. Yes, my baby was a great comfort following my moms death, she was 18 months at that time and would sit by me for hours, patting my back, telling me am sorry, hugging me,  just being there for me. Lately she's been telling me, momma you're my best friend, its so very touching and when I think I don't want to be here anymore, I remember how much she needs me. That keeps me going. I know for a long time I was trying to figure out how I can end my life and hers, now I cannot imagine doing that to her, or my family.

Comment by MSB on February 21, 2012 at 8:55pm

I have had some decent days this week. I almost feel guilty about it, although, i know my mother would want me to be happy again. I had feelings many days that i did not want to go on living without my mother in this world. Valentine's Day was devastating. I have also been receiving some wonderful support from a few great friends. At times, it is scary that i want to try to rebuild my life. i also lost my job in June. I also know the depression comes in waves. Good days, will be followed by bad days. Mercy, Hang in there for your daughter, now, you mean to her what your mother meant to you.

Comment by mercy on February 21, 2012 at 7:06pm

Thats very kind of you Sue. Its always nice to come here and vent and evern nicer when I receive such encouragement from people who really care and understand. My purpose now is my daughter. I'll try everyday and be strong for her, she has seen me sad for so long.

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