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Comment by Sandra Nichols on April 19, 2012 at 9:02am

thanks for replying so fast Storyas. I did lots of caretaking for mom until the end and thought I was just tired from the last several years but, my sister is also starting to sleep a lot too. It helps so much for me to hear how lots of other people are experiencing the same things. I don't feel so alone. There I go again, almost crying as I write. Thanks for replying.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on April 19, 2012 at 8:42am

Sandra, although it has been a while since my mom died (although I never really got to grieve her as I immediately became a caregiver and was so busy I couldn't think), my dad died just a few months ago.  He and I got very close while I was caring for him as we were together 24/7/365 as he required a lot of care - and I wanted to be with him too.  Well, since he died, I've been sleeping all the time too.  I thought maybe it was just me being exhausted from being a caregiver.  He had Parkinsons and toward the end every little thing had to be done for him like even changing the tv station as his hands didn't work.  I thought i was just exhausted.  bu, then I started having dreams.  First, my mom died, and I couldn't even really think about it right away cuz I had to start caring for my dad, then my aunt and uncle died, then my dog of 14 years died, then my dad died, and then a nephew-in-law got shot.  I started having dreams about my mom even though its been a few years ago.  I have dreams about my dad.  And, I realized - maybe I'm grieving or maybe it is a combination of the two:  exhaustion and grieving.  And, it was worse over the winter but is a little better with the spring but not much, and I've never had seasonal effective disorder before.  I don't know, some days if I don't take a nap in the afternoon, I can barely function.  Or, if my day won't let me get a nap in in the afternoon, I come home, sit on the couch and am asleep in two minutes, and sometimes I sleep all the way through from like 6 at night until 6 the next morning or even 8 or 10 the next morning if I don't have anything I have to get up for.  I am exhausted from caregiving, but I think it is really more grief.  I think it is probably normal to sleep a lot.

Comment by Sandra Nichols on April 19, 2012 at 8:31am

Hi all. It has been 5 months since my mom has been gone. Does anyone else feel like sleeping all of the time? I thought I was sick. I can sleep on weekends for 3 or 4 hours at a time and then go on to sleep at night and sleep for another 7 or 8 hours.  During the workweek I can hardly make it. Today I am so tired I feel like crawling to the floor and going to sleep. I would like to add that nothing makes me happy anymore - just like many of you guys. I am dreading mother's day. My sister and I visited mom's grave and planted flowers. I cried and slept for 3 hours after that.

Comment by Erica Garcia SanMiguel on April 18, 2012 at 3:45pm

Marlene i also agree with each step we take forward it is many steps backwards especially with this being the year of all the first birthdays and holidays without my mommy. I did start seeing a therapist last week because of the feelings and thoughts that I was having. I have only seen her twice and I am praying she can help me cope because I just do not want to go on with life and like a lot of you nothing makes me happy or feel alive anymore. I have been thinking about mothers day and I am trying to come up with a few plans since I myself am a mother I did not think it would be fair to my children just not to celebrate it at all and then my daughters birthday is that day. So as of now I am thinking about maybe celebrating it the weekend before or the weekend after cause on the day of I think I really just want to be left alone that day and cry if i want to does anyone else have any other ideas on what i can do?

Comment by MSB on April 18, 2012 at 3:43pm

Things just seem to get worse for me as time goes on.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on April 18, 2012 at 1:26pm

Hi.  I lost my mom a little over seven years ago, and I'm still lost without her for a lot of reasons.  First, I was closer to her than any person I've ever had in my life.  Second, right after she died, my dad got sick.  I took care of him until he died last summer.  And, then I was grieving loosing him.  Just now, I got the first season of the TV Series 7th Heaven.  I started to watch it.  The first year it came out was 1996.  I'm sitting here watching it and all I can do is cry, because I keep thinking that mom was alive when this show came out.  I don't think I've ever been able to sufficiently grieve her loss.  She was more like a soul mate than a parent.  I lost my dad last year and I love him and I miss him and I'd do anything to see him again, but even with all that pain it was nothing like the relationship I had with my mom.  We did everything together from the time I was born.  We talked on the phone every day.  We went out to eat together, we went to the grocery store, the bank, the post office, the everything together.  I realized just now that I haven't felt alive since I lost her, but I should be feeling better by now.  My body functions - I take a bath, I put on clothes, I eat - but I'm not in this body any more, and I don't think I ever will be again.

Comment by Tracey Huth on April 17, 2012 at 5:29am

Marlene you are not alone.   It is hard for me to fight the tears every single day.  Like you, I do what I have to do but it seems almost impossible every single day.  It is still so hard to believe that I am never going to see her again. 

Comment by MSB on April 16, 2012 at 9:32pm

I guess for each step forward it is many steps backwards. Today, I just wanted to cry all day. I do what i have to do, but, my heart isn't in anything that i do. How do I go on like this for the rest of my life. How can I have lived with someone for almost 47 years and all of a sudden i have to accept that i will never see her again.

 

Comment by Tracey Huth on April 16, 2012 at 7:11pm

My mom was not only a mother to me, she was my best friend and now trying to go on every day without her is very hard.  I try to push myself but the more I push, the more anxiety and depressed I get.  It's just so hard to imagine life without her.  

Comment by Linda on April 16, 2012 at 9:18am

Mothers day the closer it gets the more anxiety and depressed I get. Last mothers was the best mothers day ever ... had a suprise cookout for her. Her funeral /memorial services is may 5th, the closer it comes morr I cry. I am trying to go on without her but its very difficult. She lived with and my kids on and off for 18 years

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