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Comment by Maddy on June 5, 2013 at 7:04pm

Eliza, my experience is very similar to Amanda's. I am almost 8 months pregnant, expecting my first child and my mother passed away just 3 months ago. It has been the hardest experience of my life. I often feel like I have been cast adrift with no one to guide me through the very scary new experience. My only comfort is that I had a wonderful mother who I can use as an example when being a mother myself. May I echo Amanda's sentiment: if you want children, then you should have them. You can tell them all about your mom someday and you can love them the way she loved you.

Comment by Amanda on June 5, 2013 at 2:12pm

Eliza, my mom passed away in April. I have a 2-year-old son, and I am expecting another boy in early July. The thought of raising these boys without knowing my mom just baffles me. If you have children, you will be sad that they don't know your mom, of course, but you'll have so much joy too. I found a greater connection to my mom after I had children, and I feel it now even though she's gone. Your life, and your husband's, goes on. If the two of you want children, then have them and cherish them the way your mom cherished you.

Comment by Helder Silva on June 4, 2013 at 11:35pm

Eliza, I can relate to PTSD as I recently was in a very toxic work environment where bullying was condoned and I had to endure a year of it before I had to leave due to PTSD.

God bless.

Helder

Comment by Helder Silva on June 4, 2013 at 11:31pm

Kristin, you had mentioned that one of the hardest things was to lose someone that can only love like a mom can: the purest unconditional love there is without judgment. I can relate to that and I've been struggling to put that feeling into words and you were able to put it very eloquently.

As a son, I also miss the female perspective on life that my mom would provide. That balance grounded me and allowed me to see life from different angles and contemplate ideas I hadn't even considered. There is nothing like the most altruistic advice and guidance a mom can provide and not having that any longer is like having a part of you severed.

My only solace is that one day I will see her again.

My condolences and hugs to all.

Helder

Comment by Eliza on June 4, 2013 at 10:22pm

Jeff, that's how I feel, too. It's like something you can't ever truly resolve. The pain is lessening, but I still miss her, I still want her here.

Comment by Eliza on June 4, 2013 at 10:15pm

Kristin, I know how you feel. I still feel that way--on some days, it feels like it's been no time at all, and on others, it seems like forever. Sometimes I listen to the voicemails she's left on my phone. I'll never erase them. Other days I just talk to her out loud. 

Comment by Eliza on June 4, 2013 at 10:13pm

I'm glad that my experience could help some of you. I still have my "down days", but I let them happen--my counselor pointed out that grief will come out in one way or another. I always feel cleansed after crying. Someone on here mentioned feeling jealousy and anger; I, too, experienced those emotions (I still do sometimes), particularly in the early stages of my grief. I could not go out to the store and see a mother/daughter unit without feeling like 1.) I would burst into tears, 2.) achingly lonely, and 3.) bitter and angry. I still feel sad when I see moms and daughters. For me, lately I struggle with the idea of having a child without my mom being there for me. My husband and I are almost ready to start a family, and I am not sure how I feel about going through this without mom. I want a child, but I also feel sad to know that she'll miss out on meeting her grandchild. Anyone else experience this?

Comment by Jeff R on June 4, 2013 at 5:52pm

glad to hear you are doing better Eliza.  I agree, you never "get over it", the pain just subsides a bit. But, the emptiness is always going to be there, IMHO. It's 4 months for me and the days are a bit better now, but there's that feeling of loss that won't go away.

Comment by Kristin Renee on June 4, 2013 at 4:36pm

Thank you for sharing that, Eliza. Saturday marks one month since my Mom died. I can't believe it's been that long since I spoke to her and that time keeps moving me further away. Everything seems so meaningless without her. 

"You learn how to move through your grief and live in a way that honors them." 

All I can do now is hope to honor her, like you said. 

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on June 4, 2013 at 3:16pm

Thank you for that comment Eliza! I think the reason why I still feel so bad, is because I have Bipolar and PTSD and my emotions are all over the place. Everyone that I have talked to, says that it does get better so I'll just have to wait until that time comes for me!

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