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Comment by Kristin Renee on June 13, 2013 at 11:32pm

It's been one month and six days now since my Mom has been gone. I see her reading glasses just sitting on a shelf like she'll be back to pick them up at any moment. For some reason, I don't want to get rid of them. I adopted one of her cats. I just couldn't let him go too and I know she would have wanted that. My sister and I want to have quilts made from her clothing. But I know going through them is going to be so hard. I don't want her things, I just want my Mom back. My life is falling apart.

Comment by Jeff R on June 13, 2013 at 10:56pm

Nancy,

I also have boxes of my Mom's stuff sitting in my family room.  Some of the more personal stuff, well, it's just too hard to go through right now.  Even tho' it's been 4 months now since she passed (yesterday actually).  I've gotten help in emptying out her house and it is just awfully depressing, there's no other way to say it.  I go through her stuff in spurts, when I feel up to it.  So, your feelings are quite normal.  There's just an awful sense of finality when you get to this stage...feels like you are wiping away everything about that person.  But, I am carefully selecting momentos and trinkets I want to keep from my Mom (and her sisters) so I can have some nicer memories in time.

Comment by Nancy L on June 13, 2013 at 9:16pm

In 2 weeks it will be 6 months since my mom has been gone.  It feels like the grief is really setting in more and more.  I think I had been more in shock the first several months.  I sure do miss her.  It has been very difficult dealing with siblings over her estate.  Slowly my mom and dad are fading away.  I have many of her things at my home now.  I have boxes everywhere, but I find it so difficult to go through the things.  I wanted to give somethings directly to my son, but do not have the strenght, physically or emotionally to go through the items.   I feel like I need a retreat to clear my mind.  I know we are all hurting here, it helps to know that there are others who understand. 

Comment by Kimberly Hamilton on June 12, 2013 at 2:02am

You are right Jeff. Mother was "old school". You had animals to work for you, like horses pulling plows, cats for mousing in the barn etc. When I replaced my front doors she said I had to get a full glass storm door so the cats could look outside like they were used to doing(she faked not liking them a lot).

I think that is why she would come to me via Petey. She would know that would comfort me.

Comment by Jeff R on June 11, 2013 at 11:04am

Animals just have a sixth sense about these things and are much smarter than we suspect.  About 4 weeks after my Mom passed, I brought my terrier to her house (she had not been over to see Mom in some time).  She charged into the living room looking for Mom and then turned to me as to say "where did she go?".  Mom loved the dogs and their little visits were one of the few things that made her smile.

Comment by Kimberly Hamilton on June 11, 2013 at 3:14am

Hi All,

We are glad you are here also. It helps to know others feel the same as you and that it does get better.

What I m going to say you all may find weird, but I think comfort comes in all different forms.

I have 5 cats and 2 rabbits in my home(no I am not crazy but sometimes I wonder). My Mother died late in the evening and I went to see her after. Once I returned home and tried to sleep I was not alone. My only boy kitty Petey was right with me. Everynight for 4 months this cat who never slept with me before, did so no matter if any other cat was there or what he had to go through to get there. He let me snuggle him and give him kisses(which he hates) and anything I wanted to do. My husband can't do any of that without him crying.

What reminded me is this. I was making a cross stitch hummingbird picture for Mom. I finished it today. It has been nice and very upsetting at the same time. As I sit here who is here---Petey. Sometimes I wonder if it is my Mother coming to comfort me in a way she knows will help me through him. Or just is little fuzzy heart knowing I need someone to help me through and he loves me enough to help.

All I know is you look for comfort where you can find it, even in large(he is a 25 pound cat), fuzzy packages. I can cry all over him and he does not care, and that is a great help to me.

One other thing. I just found out my niece is pregnant. Her other children used to come and visit my Mother when my brother(their Grandpa) was sitting for them. They used to call her "Banana Grandma" because she always bananas in the house and they made a game of sneaking in and stealing a banana. I can't help thinking how this child will never know "Banana Grandma".

Comment by Helder Silva on June 10, 2013 at 4:13pm

Overwhelming feels of grief will often hit without warning and when you least expect it. After having what I thought was a very good day I was consumed with feelings of grief and loss last night. I wanted to talk to my mom and share with her how my day went and listen to her stories of when she was growing up. There was so much wisdom in her stories and they almost always had a point that was relevant to my situation.

My mom also symbolized sanctuary for me, a place that I knew I could let my guard down and relax and just be me. Never any judging and loving me no matter what. On January 26th of this year I lost my sanctuary and nothing has been the same since.

Since my mom has passed I have also turned to spirituality and prayer. I have yet to hear my mom's voice as some have said they have, but I have not forgotten how her lovely voice sounds.

This group is amazing.

Comment by Emily on June 10, 2013 at 4:02pm

Glad you are here Karen, I imagine it must be hard with the three kids at home, don't be too hard on yourself. Grief is difficult for everyone.

Comment by Karen on June 10, 2013 at 3:59pm

Hello everyone. I just joined this group, thanks for the add. My mom died April 19th of this year and I am trying to figure out how to cope so I was looking on-line for support. It's just me and my 3 boys at home so I am trying to keep things together at work and when I get home and not doing a good job at either. I want my boys to see some of the grieving process but not so much that they worry and get scared for me. That's not good for them either. So I continue to try to cope and feel as if I will have an emotional breakdown at any time. I just hope it happens at a time whey my boys are not home but I know I can't schedule it. Anyway, I'm glad to be here.

Comment by Martha on June 10, 2013 at 3:10pm

I read a book that really helped. "Journey of Souls" by Dr. Michael Newton after my loved one passed on. And, "Practicing the Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle is very helpful along with all his other material.

Watching "Super Soul Sunday" on OWN. If you do not have the chanel you could watch on her website.

 

A friend of mine who lost her grandmother whom she loved as a mother told me to talk to my mother (I tried to do it only in my head, as some people might not understand it, and think I am nutty). Yesterday, I asked her to have a dove come to the window. Well, I was sitting looking out the very window this morning, and there it was, the dove just sitting there totally at peace.

My goal is to go deeper into the spiritual dimension which is our true reality. That is were our loved ones are, and where we are going.

I just ordered a couple of other books, and will let you know how they are.

Hope you find this helpful.

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