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Comment by Sheila B. on July 7, 2013 at 10:01pm

My mother just passed a month ago. It was a sudden heart attack and weeks after she finally had the surgery to remove a large tumor. We were terrified for so long it would be cancer because it runs it my family. One of my aunts died in her early thirties from a brain tumor and my other aunt is a breast cancer survivor. My uncle has also survived cancer. It was a miracle when my mother, being the oldest found out it was not cancerous. Our relief didn't last long because then she died anyway weeks later in the middle of the night. She knew she had high blood pressure. Her doctors said it was fine and ignored her swollen legs and ankles and went ahead with the surgery. She was so worried she wouldn't survive it but she did. The tumor had gotten so large it by her heart and she felt like it was pressing on it. She was not one that liked going to doctors but knew the pain was too much. The last few weeks she was exhausted and couldn't get out of bed. It was hard for us to have faith in the doctors. It is just so shocking and devastating. I am crushed. My 17 year old daughter was with her and more than anything I am sad for her but she is being incredibly strong. She is being stronger than me and it makes me feel worse. I feel so scared, alone and get angry and completely overwhelmed out of the blue. 

Comment by Natalie on July 7, 2013 at 1:39pm

Ann, you have us. We are all united by our pain.

Crystal, I'm so sorry.   My mom's death, too, was unexpected. I completely understand that horrible feeling of not being close to anyone else in the family and feeling alone and lost. We are here for you.

May God bless us all to keep going on.

Comment by Danny on July 6, 2013 at 8:32am

Hang in there Dana.  One day at a time for now. 

Comment by Dana on July 6, 2013 at 8:06am

My mom was in her 80's when she passed a few months ago.  We were so bonded from the time I was a child.  I lived with her most of my life.  The house is so empty and my heart is broken.  I just can't imagine my life without her.  Everyone loved her as she was so genuine and people would tell me how lucky I was to have that special mom and relationship as not everyone does.  Now I look around and see that (even though I always knew).  Even on her deathbed she would tell me she was worried about me when she died.  I told her I'd be fine to comfort her but the truth is the pain is unbearable.

Comment by michael sandoval on July 5, 2013 at 12:55am

Dear Crystal,

My deepest condolences. 

I don't know how we go on.

God Bless

Comment by Crystal Goddard on July 4, 2013 at 11:39pm

My name is Crystal and I am 31. My mother just passed away at age 52 (almost 1 year after my Aunt Laura died of cancer). My mom's death was tragic and completely unexpected. She had been 14 year sober, or so we thought, from a drug and alcohol addiction. The night my mom died, her sister was there and said my mom was sleeping and moaning and gurgling and that she tried to wake her but couldn't so she thought she was just really tired so she left her alone and went to bed. The next morning when my Aunt KC went in to check on my mom, she was dead. I got the call from my aunt on that Memorial day morning around 9AM, while my husband and I were loading our children in the car at my in-laws house (5 hours away from where my mom was). I remember answering the call, thinking it was my mom since the call came from her phone, and hearing my aunt on the other end say "Crystal, your mom died last night". next thing I know I just hit the ground and started yelling out in the worst kind of pain I have ever felt. I cried so hard and so much I started to pass out. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I just saw my mom 5 days before that and talked to her on the phone 3 days before that. Everything was fine! she was normal happy and totally fine! Well come to find out, the medical examiner found two patches called fentanyl on her back. These patches are apparently one of the STRONGEST pain medications ever made. 100 times more potent than morphine! usually a person isn't supposed to use more than 1 in a 72 hour period. She used 2 at the same time... 4 weeks later the toxicology report concluded she died from overdose of fentanyl. My mom was my best friend and always coming over to see my kids. I am not close to anyone else in my family so I feel like I have lost my heart. How does one go on living without their heart?

Comment by Ann on July 3, 2013 at 8:54pm

I have no one now.  I am alone on Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, my Birthday, year after year, alone.

Comment by Ann on July 3, 2013 at 8:48pm

My mom and I sat on her balcony every July 4th for 25 years to watch the fireworks.  I haven't been able to watch them since she died in 2011.  I can hear them outside my window but I just can't go out there without her.

Comment by Danny on July 3, 2013 at 6:06pm

Thanks Sandra, Maddy and Jeff for the input.  Since I am in between jobs it is harder for me so I am reading a lot on how to manage and at the same time trying to look for a part time position.

Comment by Jeff R on July 3, 2013 at 3:48pm

Work can be a good distraction.  I also went back to work relatively quickly...literally within a week...Naturally, you are a bit of a zombie initially, but it does help take your focus off your pain, even if it's for a brief period. Others feel you need to take more time off to mourn; I get that, but I knew Mom wouldn't want me sitting around with a box of tissues looking at old pics.   Work is/was a helpful way to get back into a more normal groove.

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