Comment

Comment by Danny on July 31, 2013 at 12:01pm

oh by the way Cynthia you do need that even as an adult as long as you are someone's daughter or son we all need support.  So don't think you have not grown up you have but are you an adult child. 

Comment by Danny on July 31, 2013 at 11:59am

I am with you Cynthia.  The only unconditional support comes from the parent, sometimes Mom more, sometimes Dad more but it is parents.  Not partner or spouse.  The first 6 months are the key to survival.  Write more often.

Comment by Danny on July 31, 2013 at 6:32am

Yes Kris, a partner is not the best option to turn to in these situations.  Google and you will find this.  You want to be with people who have been/are going through this. 

Comment by Emily on July 31, 2013 at 1:34am

Your welcome, I know its hard.

Comment by Kristin Renee on July 31, 2013 at 1:22am

Thank you, Emily Elizabeth. This is the only outlet I've found for my emotions where I know someone might truly understand what I'm feeling.

Comment by Emily on July 31, 2013 at 1:17am

Kristen Renee I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

Comment by Kristin Renee on July 31, 2013 at 1:12am

Eliza, I can relate to your experience. My Mom passed away very unexpectedly on May 8 and while my boyfriend of 15 years loved her too, he openly admits he can't begin to understand what I'm going through. I can't say he's not supportive because without him I could not have even survived this far, but he has become a little impatient with my grief already. He too has asked what's wrong and even told me to stop crying (not in a harsh way, but impossible to heed). He listens when I talk but doesn't ask how I'm doing or talk to me about it. The circumstances are so traumatizing for me I just can't be consoled by anyone but the very person whose absence is the cause of my anguish. Maybe he knows that or he just has a hard time with emotions I don't know. I try to hide my crying from him as much as I can now because it disappoints him that he can't cheer me up. I love him - my life was all about taking care of him and my Mom - but I feel like I can never really be happy again and I can't tell him that.

Comment by Danny on July 30, 2013 at 5:15pm

Not experiencing this Eliza but I can tell you this is quite common.  A few researchers have found that spouse support is very difficult to get e.g. my sister's husband tells her to move on all the time.  Many marriages have fallen apart as well as the partner just does not understand. This has caused the grieving partner a lot of pain.  Its amazing that the only unconditional love one gets in life is from the parents not partner. My heart is with you Eliza as we live with this pain

Comment by Eliza on July 30, 2013 at 3:43pm

Just curious to hear--do you feel like your spouse/significant other/partner understands your grief and/or offers you the support you need? My mom passed away from cancer nearly 8 months ago. It's been very hard for my husband to understand. In a way, I get it because he's never been through this with his own parents, so how could he truly understand? In the beginning, he was very supportive. But that support seems to have waned. He doesn't ask me how I'm doing. The other day, he came into the living room and saw I was crying. He was alarmed and asked me what was wrong. I told him I was missing my mom. He seemed a bit mystified to learn that I am still grieving. He didn't offer me any kind of support in that moment. I was extremely hurt. Anyone else experience this?

Comment by Eliza on July 28, 2013 at 10:45pm

Cynthia, for my first few grief sessions I cried almost the whole time. If the tears come, it's okay.

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