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Comment by Dia -Ayesha on November 14, 2013 at 11:51pm

Everytime I close my eyes, everytime I'm awake , every singke moment of everyday the suffering my mum endured haunts me. I cant stop crying . Igrieve not only for my loss but I grieve for the suffering my mum endured, the pain, the hardships and diseases . So tragic . So painful. Try as I might I cant remember the happy times. I spoke to a doctor who told me my loss is very recent, very fresh . I pray to God, to nature, to the universe to bless my mum and for her soul to rest in peace. I pray for a sign that she is happy and at peace. Alas I havent received it yet. The thought of never seeing my mum again kills me. How am I supposed to live without her? She was my reason for living. Please help .

Comment by Nancy L on November 13, 2013 at 9:00pm

Dia I am so sorry to hear of the conditions your mother had to endure while sick.  I feel bad that people treated her poorly.  that is not acceptable.  There were times when my dad was treated poorly by staff in the nursing home he was in.  They didn't know that we had been good friends with the manager of the place.  So things improved.  The manager personally told me not to worry, that he was be looking out for my dad. 

Comment by Nancy L on November 13, 2013 at 8:55pm

Helder and Jeff sounds like your mom's had great sons who took care fo them.  I know they are proud. 

 

 

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on November 13, 2013 at 5:50am

Thank you Helder for sharing your story with me. I'm here in India where theres no value for human life. No respect for the sick , no decency whatsoever in our hospitals etc. my heart pains and breaks everytime I thin of my mums suffering . I weep for her, I grieve for all the pain, hardships and diseases she suffered. I was her main caregiver for 14 years during which we encountered many doctors, nurses. She was hospitalised 10 times in 14 years . We never encountered kindness or concern in the medical setting. Here doctors are very arrogant, nurses are bullies, immature and laugh at the suffering patients. I'm disgusted to see such eveil. My mum was the greatest , most wonderful person ever. She never complained, never questioned her pain and suffering. I feel lost, bereft and broken without her. When I think of the indignity she endured at the hands of these evil medical professionals i feel devastated. I just cant seem to find peace.

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on November 13, 2013 at 5:49am

Thank you Helder for sharing your story with me. I'm here in India where theres no value for human life. No respect for the sick , no decency whatsoever in our hospitals etc. my heart pains and breaks everytime I thin of my mums suffering . I weep for her, I grieve for all the pain, hardships and diseases she suffered. I was her main caregiver for 14 years during which we encountered many doctors, nurses. She was hospitalised 10 times in 14 years . We never encountered kindness or concern in the medical setting. Here doctors are very arrogant, nurses are bullies, immature and laugh at the suffering patients. I'm disgusted to see such eveil. My mum was the greatest , most wonderful person ever. She never complained, never questioned her pain and suffering. I feel lost, bereft and broken without her. When I think of the indignity she endured at the hands of these evil medical professionals i feel devastated. I just cant seem to find peace.

Comment by Jeff R on November 12, 2013 at 6:32pm

I can relate to your comments Helder.....I kept my Mom in her home for 5yrs, with in home care, which ranged from incompetence to barely adequate.  Not to mention the numerous trips to doctors, various medicines, etc.  It's a struggle no matter what you do when the person is suffering and not getting any better.  I had planned to move Mom to a private nursing home in a month or two....but, fate stepped in.  At least she got what she wanted, to die at home.  But, I feel that she never got the care she deserved, for all of the struggles in life she went thru.  She too, was a single parent, as Dad passed on when I was quite young.  Life was never easy for her.

Comment by Danny on November 12, 2013 at 2:00pm

The thing is today even with the doctors we are not sure whether they are doing the right thing or not and we don't know because we know les than them.  Sometimes they take it too lightly and maybe they could have done more etc. 

Comment by Nancy L on November 12, 2013 at 1:22pm

Boabie--so sorry you have to go through losing both of your parents so close together.  That has to be very difficult for you.  Your grief for your mom is still so new. 

We have to take it one day at a time.  We need to remember that we are not alone in our grief, that the people here do understand what we are going through. 

Helder - I understand how you feel about the medical treatment.  I felt like the medical community did not treat my mom because she was 'old'.  She had seen a couple of different doctors who basically said "it was nothing" and not to worry.  But other doctors where the total opposite and that she was sick and needed different medical treatments. 

Comment by Danny on November 12, 2013 at 6:17am

Yes Nancy L, our lives can change in 3-4 years to a level we never believed that it would go to.

Comment by Helder Silva on November 11, 2013 at 11:00pm

Dia,

I can relate to your pain. My mom and dad came to Canada as very poor immigrants. My dad worked as a bricklayer and my mom worked as an office cleaner all night. Although we were extremely poor growing up, my mom and dad worked tirelessly to make sure we were clothed and fed.

When I was 17 my dad passed away and my mom continued to work tirelessly all night and sometimes on weekends. She was often looked down upon, but she persevered and continued to contribute to society and raise us kids. This, in spite of having many health problems throughout her life.

She eventually became too ill to work and was in and out of hospitals while living with my sister. There came a point where she needed to be admitted to a long term facility. She hated being away from home and the staff were often mean to her. We tried our best addressing those issues, but things would improve only temporarily before the staff went back to their old ways.

The day mom passed away she suffered a heart attack. I suspect the staff did little to revive her, although I have no proof of that. My heart breaks everything I think of how hard she worked all her life only to be treated so poorly. I think of her in the throes of pain and no one around to care for her suffering. The pain and guilt I feel from not being able to save her is debilitating.

For her funeral viewing, it looked like the funeral home didn't do a very good job of presenting her. Her eyes weren't fully closed and all I could see was a sliver of white where her beautiful brown eyes should have been. That image of her will haunt me till the day I die....thinking of that image of her makes me cry like a child.

My mom's suffering throught her life and at her death always strikes at my heart when I least expect it.

I understand your pain, but I wish I had the medicine or answer for you that would fix everything. Just know that our moms loved us so much that it helped them through their pain.

Take care.

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