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Comment by Monica on March 31, 2016 at 4:02pm

Welcome Lisa. I am truly sorry you also have lost your loving Mother and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It really does, feel like an out of body experience i know. I too, feel as though i search for her in every part of nature, people and places. I thought it was because i feel so lost, alone and broken without her. In the first weeks of my Mothers passing suddenly, i realized she was with me quite a few times...i would smell her briefly, dream and other small signs she was trying to comfort me. It worked in consoling me. I felt she was letting me know she would never leave my side, as i believe Mothers never leave their children, but it also made think of heaven..knowing she is there, yet it seems so so far away. I still have those memories that creep up and send me into the darkness..things i want to tell her, but realize oh my gosh,,shes gone...the worst thing for me to remember! !The deepest sadness i will ever know...its inside of me, hurting every single day. Ive listened to some of her voicemails ive saved, and they offer me both relief to hear her sweet voice, and tears of denial & yearning. The shock is always straight through my heart. Its a wonder how we as human beings, even have the capability of enduring such grief. I am sorry for all of our suffering, and i will continue my prayers.

Comment by Lisa Green on March 31, 2016 at 1:43pm

Hello all. This is my first post on this website. I am really glad I found this site. I have read many posts and find many similarities in how we all feel and grieve. I lost my Mom just about a month ago on Feb. 24, 2016. She has always been my best friend, my rock and my strongest supporter. I could count on her for anything and everything. I cannot remember a single day since teenage years that we ever fought about anything. We truly were best friends. It is really hard to believe that she is really gone. I wonder a lot about where Heaven is. I know she is there but where exactly is Heaven. I find myself looking in cars that I pass on the highway to see if the driver might look like my Mom. I talk to her everyday and tell her I love her. Some days I think I am doing ok and then a thought or a memory creeps in my head and I start to cry again. I miss her so much. Its the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Trying hard to figure out how to live without her in my world. 

Comment by Wendy Kwasniewski on March 31, 2016 at 1:21pm

Margie, I lost my Mom October 16,2015. I know how you feel. Right now, seeing certain websites or games we used to play together is really hard and I can no longer play them. In some respects, I hurt more now then I did in Nov. and Dec. I just want you to know your not alone. May God bless you and may he ease all our pain.

Comment by Monica on March 30, 2016 at 8:24pm

My deepest sympathies for your loss Margie. I too am at a fresh loss of my beloved Mother Nov 3,2015. It is still hard for me too, going through her belongings. Sometimes i need to, then other times i just cant, or fall to tears before i can even bear the reality. I dont stop crying either...everyday, in every way, i still search for her. Lost. Hang in there! I pray for your strength.

Comment by Margie S. on March 30, 2016 at 8:00pm

Just want to make a correction on the year of the death of my adorable mom. By mistake I wrote October 8, 2016 instead of October 8, 2015.  I love you mom.  I miss you so much.  Still crying.  

Comment by Margie S. on March 26, 2016 at 11:30pm

I lost my mom on October 8, 2016.  It was until this past week during Spring break that I went to my brother's house to go through all her belongings.  It was really hard for me to see her dresses, skirts, favorite glass, plate, etc.  There was some dirty cloth in a bag.  I took it home to wash and told myself, "I need to wash her clothes.  She needs this clean.  When I finish, I will give her everything back." Well, everything has been washed and just hung in my closet. It is really sad.   When I went through everything, I took her favorite purses, her favorite pair of shoes and other things. I am crying right now while writing. I feel so empty without my mom.  I miss her so much.   Wish she were here with me right now.

Comment by Monica on March 26, 2016 at 8:23am

Yes Theresa, i too have thought about my Mothers sadness when she lost her Father, then Mother. How she would still cry & say how much she missed them. I guess i wish now, that i couldve consoled her better. I still have my Father. Even he, the last one alive in his family, has always said how much he misses his mother. Now i better understand how the longing for the maternal bond never really ends. Losing our Mother is such a primal wound.

Comment by Monica on March 26, 2016 at 8:10am

I am so sorry for your loss Rebecca.I know what you mean about the emotions just draining your energy. Its hard to function as we once seemed to. I know, that i am not the same person i was the day before my Mother died. One of my biggest struggles has been trying to handle all these new fears " my new self" has dumped on me. It was the scariest feeling when i would drive, in a daze, a haze, a physical sickness sometimes overcoming me that often affects my rational personality. As though i search for her in everything i see, everywhere i go, everything i do. The lost child. Me. - Yes, there are the big KICKS,,,like holidays, birthdays..ouch!! But also, those moments i tell myself "oh ive got to call Mom and tell her, or ask her....THAT kick! !! The sore reminder of her sudden death. The aching continues, and the shock and numbness take on a physical longing that seems endless. I dont even know how ive gotten this far. One day at a time, is my only guess, and i can assure you, all of these "one days at a time", (however they happened w/out her) have been the worst my life has ever seen. Keep talking about your feelings!! Its something we have to do. Im just glad i found a place to do that. No matter who is listening,,,for me,,,nobody could possibly understand the magnitude of my grief except those who have truly gone through what we have. Bless you all!!!

Comment by Theresa on March 26, 2016 at 6:50am

I am catholic and I went to confession the other day and the priest told me it will take seven years to get over the loss of my mom, and he did say the Lord is right beside me everyday.  I believe that and I know my mom and dad are too.

We have all been through different things in life, but in my opinion this is the worst that I have ever had to deal with, an unexpected and sudden loss compared to when my dad passed, he had lung cancer for asbestos exposure, I knew what the end result would be for him, so I felt more prepared, in a way for what was to come so I prayed he would not suffer too much and my prayers were answered.

I cry everyday and I remember my mom when we used to go to the cemetery to her mothers grave who has been deceased for 40 years, my mom would still cry......

Comment by Rebecca on March 25, 2016 at 11:00pm

Life is so hard... I lost my mom on January 8th and I'm still torn up, reeling in shock and wanting to curl up in a ball and cry all day. I find it so hard to pretend that I'm happy at work and around the people I know, I feel this deep sorrow and horrible depth of sadness that takes my breath away daily. I miss her so much and it has just torn apart my dad and I - we are the only ones left and sort of alone in all of this and just sad... Easter is kind of a kick in the face, a punch in my gut and it pains me so much and hurts so much and no one seems to care in my outside life. I feel dead, like actually dead sometimes and I don't want to think too much about my mom bc it depresses me and I can't get out of bed. I feel awful for all of us and I wish I could grant us all peace and love.

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