Oh Lisa, Memorial Day hit me hard, too. On Monday I woke up with super swollen eyes and a sinus headache from bawling my head off.

Lisa, I can promise you that with time, it honestly will get easier. My mom is the first close family member I've lost, and we just never (my bros and I) never envisioned that our mom would precede our dad in death. He also never thought she would, either. My sister-in-law (one of my brother's wives) lost her mom in a similar way 3 years ago. She's been an amazing support person for ALL of us, especially for my dad. She's like a sister to me. So it will get easier as time passes. Again, I can only day this now after having gone through it. Like you, I was very, very close to my mom. Ugh, now crying. Here is something a friend told me when my mom was dying: it has to do with the circle of life, but he said that without a doubt, the worst suffering any person can go through is losing a child. My parents had three kids, and I'm the oldest. Though they nearly lost my youngest brother when he had a motorcycle accident, they never had to suffer through the death of one of their kids. For that, I am thankful. So in essence, losing my mom sucked. I suffered greatly. But knowing my parents never had to undergo the greatest suffering of all time did help me to accept her dying and death a bit easier. So when she was literally dying, my brothers and Dad were throwing out bargains with God left and right. My only "bargain" was this: "If you can take my mom so that she doesn't have to suffer for long, I will take on any suffering you give me. Take hers away and give it to me. That's all I ask". She passed within the half hour. I was incredibly strong and helpful for my brothers and my dad and my kids and their cousins. I never imagined myself in that role, Lisa. I always thought I'd be such a crying, anxious mess that I wouldn't be able to leave my room, let alone attend her funeral. I was stronger than I had any idea I was. I'm positive that I inherited THAT from my mom. I stayed and took care of my Dad for over a month after Mom died, and I helped him through his grief. The day after her funeral was their 50th wedding anniversary. My own family (except for my youngest son) had gone back home after the funeral, but that day with my dad was filled with both sorrow and joy. A
Late that afternoon, my brother and sister-in-law and my nieces brought dinner out for all of us. Though we were grieving, my dad most especially, it helped him to have some of his grandkids there.

I added you as a friend, but if you want to email me directly, here's my email: julesorman@gmail.com. Anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or you just need someone to listen, hit me up. You're in Wisconsin, right? I'm in St Paul. I hope this weekend is an easier one for you. I'm definitely still grieving, no doubt. Your loss is much more recent than mine; I imagine you are, too. It will be easier with time, Lisa.

Julie