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Comment by Theresa on July 28, 2017 at 7:09am

So today here is a rainy cloudy day for some reason those days hit me the hardest I don't know why I just feel like crying I miss my mom I keep saying to myself nothings going to change it is what it is but it hurts and I just want the sadness to ease up I know will never forget my mom but sometimes I feel like I don't have anybody that really wants to hear me talk about how I miss her with all my heart

Comment by Panda on July 26, 2017 at 4:02pm

This really really hurts :'(

Comment by Panda on July 26, 2017 at 4:02pm

This really really hurts :'l

Comment by rhonda jean on July 26, 2017 at 7:50am

To Panda:
What a terrible set of circumstances for you, I feel your pain and regret just by reading your words. Here is the thing about family : they aren't always what they are cracked up to be! If your family abused and lied to you then perhaps it may be time to cut some ties and try to move past that. Did you get to speak to your mom while she was terminal? Did she have any insight as to why they shut her out of your life? So many unanswered questions for a soul who is still so young - I am terribly sorry for you. BUT (and this is huge) you have to live your life now for yourself. Take some time and reflect - and write down if you want - the things you are holding against the family you still have. Some people confront their tormentors, some aren't ok with that, especially if there wa s physical abuse. I prefer to write it all down, really think it through from every angle what 'good' these people bring to my life, what 'bad' they are creating for me past and present. When the bad far outweighs the good, I burn that paper and cut that person out of my life. They are what shrinks call toxic, and there's no worse thing for a grieving person to have to deal with. They bring drama and unnecessary pain just because they can. Only God knows why I assume, but they sprinkle hurt like it's confetti. They are called toxic for a reason, they will kill your spirit and suck the life out of your soul if you allow it. If they are truly hurting you then walk away. Start anew and get on with the life you deserve. I have had to do this with my father many years ago, and will soon do it with the rest of my mothers family, when my nana passes. For now I tolerate them, because she needs me there and I want to be there for my mothers mother, as she would have been had she lived. My grandmother has ovarian cancer, has beat it twice with chemo and surgeries, and right now her numbers are climbing again. I'm determined that my aunts and uncles won't keep me from doing right by her, but once she passes those toxic people are also gone for me...and they are my only 'family' left. I must say mentally for me they are already gone, and it was a difficult decision since they are my moms sisters and brothers, but that will only make it easier when my nana goes, because in my mind they're already in the rear view mirror. No one has the right to make you feel 'less than' or not good enough. Kick em to the curb! I have created my own family now, have a wonderful husband and three beautiful grown daughters and even a brand new grandson! Life takes many many turns and you are just at the beginning. Don't let them take this precious time from you or allow them to take up room in your head. Fully grieve the loss of your mom in your own time and don't allow anyone to tell you to get over it or similar BS. Just get your ducks in a row, especially if you are still living with them, and make a plan to move on. Obviously your mother had to do the same at some point, so learn from her now, and separate yourself from people who only want to hurt you, no matter who they are. This is your only life and you deserve to live in happiness and peace...and you will! I wish the very best for you and please reach out if you ever need a friendly ear. Your posts really touched my heart and I want you to know there is light at the end of this grief. My mom died two years ago and I'm only just starting to learn the lessons her life and death taught me. It takes time, and never goes completely I imagine, but it does get better if you take care of yourself and keep moving forward.

Comment by Panda on July 26, 2017 at 12:55am

I need my mom :'( I'm so scared to even sleep cuz I have nightmares from my past and I really need my mama here with me :'(

Comment by Panda on July 25, 2017 at 8:02pm

I feel so lost without my mom :'( it hurts so bad

Comment by Theresa on July 25, 2017 at 5:03pm

Bluebell, you will get through it, it will be hard, but think of all the good memories of your mom

Comment by BLUEBELL on July 25, 2017 at 4:22pm

The thought that it is 6 months to Christmas is tearing me apart today. It will be the first one without my Mom. 

Bluebell

Comment by Panda on July 24, 2017 at 7:36pm

Thank you everybody :/

Comment by Panda on July 24, 2017 at 7:36pm

Thanks bluebell :/

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