Does the pain subside, EVER?

I am in a deep sadness with this grief. I'll admit I've been so depressed before my mom's passing, due to Bipolar. I was so depressed that I was hospitalized for it 3 times. Boy, I thought that that depression was deep. I had never really experienced grief at that time. I was 14. I am now 23. The pain in insermountable! I have never been this deeply saddned. I had seperation anxiety from my mother when I was little. I would cry when she went out. I would be scared thinking she would never return. When this became a reality nearly 10 months ago it was so shocking. It did not fully set in until a few days from now. It hurts so bad that it feels like my heart has to work harder to beat. My mother was the light of my life. I loved her so much that the love spilled over into every part of my being. My mother taught me well on life and how to deal with it. What do I do without my light?

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Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 25, 2012 at 4:39pm

Thank you, Lara. Same goes for you. :)

Comment by Lara on September 25, 2012 at 12:52pm

Thank you, Kathryn.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

Hugs.

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 24, 2012 at 8:02pm

Lara, that's awful! So sorry.

Comment by Lara on September 24, 2012 at 5:32pm

Oh, my, Kathryn, you remind me so much of myself. Just, I'm 25, not 23.
My mum passed away nearly 7 weeks ago - I've always been depressed, and anxious, and I would never leave her side. She left me completely alone, 'cause my dad died when I was 6.

I have always lived for her, to make her proud, and I struggled so much for her to accept me and my personality...

And now, everything is gone.
I have no family left, no job, and nothing else... I'm just lost.

And I miss her so.

I haven't cried much in the beginning, but now... boy, I'm crying so much.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 8:54pm

I'm so glad that you understand, even though it's unfortuate! Most people don't understand what I mean, about struggling to breathe! It sucks butt!:/ I bet she was a wonderful person!:)

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 8:44pm
my heart not heary
Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 8:43pm
I know!! UGH. It's like my heary works extra hard to beat with this pain in it. My mother was an advocate for mental illness with the formally called Child and Adolscent Foundation. Now called the Balanced mind foundation. She, too had Bipolar. She was such a wonderful person.
Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 8:16pm

I feel like I'm reading about my life, I too have Bipolar and have been hospitalized several times. You're right, I thought that depression was bad..now that I look back on it, my life was pretty great compared to now! I feel like I'm sufficating 24/7..it's like a struggle to breathe! I will be 23 in three weeks, and I dread my first birthday without her!:/ I don't know what to tell you about going on without her, somehow I always find an ounce of strength to get me through the day..it's so hard without her! I hope and pray that it gets a little easier with time, for all of us!

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My mom died 4 months ago

My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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