Yet Another Wave

Once again I feel a mess. I had a few really good days, and then yesterday I woke up feeling raw and sad. It's still lingering on today. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be like this. Start feeling like my old self and then  *Boom* back to feeling like I did the day it happened. I just want to lay on the couch and not move. The thought of showering seems too strenuous. What kind of life is that?

I'm just hanging on to the hope that this feeling will pass as it has in the past. It's just a wave, and every wave will swell and break. Yesterday was more of a crying and painful day and now I just feel more numb.

I'm blessed that I don't have anyone counting on me to be productive, because if I didn't they would be sorely disappointed. When my boyfriend comes home to find me on my bad days he looks scared but offers love and comfort and not accusations and pressure. I don't know what kind of shape I'd be in without him.

I just miss my Mom so much.

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Comment by Cindi B on November 11, 2011 at 2:03pm

Thanks Michael. Been feeling better the last few days.

Comment by MIchael A Ballard on November 11, 2011 at 12:36am

Cindi,

I am sorry.  I do know that the trauma has so many aftershocks, but they eventually wear thin.

The grief is the other part.  We're all here for you.

Peace to you,

MIchael

Comment by Cindi B on November 8, 2011 at 5:42pm

It does suck. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Thanks. I'm sure I'll feel better soon.

Comment by anna l. on November 8, 2011 at 4:35pm
I had a whole week of inside the wave of pain last week. I am really glad your bf knows how to offer you comfort and allow you to just be you. You already know this wave will pass but in the meantime it sure sucks doesnt it? Hope you feel more in calm waters soon.

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My mom died 4 months ago

My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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