I'm just 2 weeks away from turning 25. I never looked this far into my future, to be honest. I only looked as far as 24 and had that whole year planned. Lots of things came to be as planned, except all the unexpected deaths in the family. But along with my Uncle's passing soon after my 24th birthday, my grandmother passing in May and I can only think of July. It is not a big month for my family in the least. It is my birthday month, but not looking this far forward I feel as if I have trapped myself. If my parents had stayed married this July 4th would've been their 30th anniversary. And back in May would have been my Uncle and Aunt's 25th. So these past few months have been hard on me emotionally.

I have been looking into my future plans and I know where I want to be, but all the lines are blurred and I don't feel comfortable with that. I like having a set plan, or no plan. At least knowing what I'll be doing is good enough. I have no college under my belt, I don't own a car or a house. I don't have kids and I have a crap job that can't even pay the rent. I moved for love, and I just wish I had a better job, or at least better PAY. I actually enjoy my job very much, I just wish I was getting more money for what I do.

And lately the stress has been getting to me. I have only been a patient in a hospital only 2 times, including my birth. And last week I made my 3rd unplanned visit. I was having chest pains. And after lots of investigation they chalked it up to severe heartburn. But even though I have pain killers and Zantac, the pain presses through still. I worry that it's stress. And with not having any of the things I thought I would have by now, it's not helping reduce the stress.

Needless to say, I'm just overwhelmed, stressed and broke. I'm trying to take time off to relax and get some perspective whenever I can. But I think since the stress is really truly getting to me, I will be signing up for FAFSA after my birthday, and look into night classes or something. I need to talk to people about local Community colleges, cause I can't stand where my life is right now. I am blessed with a happy home and family. But the rest is simply crap. I need to fix this and soon I will feel better, I hope.