It is that time of the year again

I am lost, and tired. Have not been sleeping well for days now, and became sick. Yesterday night. when I was wide awake and could not fall back to sleep, it hit me. It is that time of the year again. My brain tried to forget, but my body did not. My dad's birthday is in 5 days, and it will be 5 years since my mom has, I can't even say that word, I don't want to say it, then it will be real. All I can do is ride it out, wait for it to pass, and try to distract myself as much as I can. But it is hard, I am so alone without them. Every fiber in my being misses them, longs for them, and I can feel it, like life is draining from me to join them. It is so hard when people don't understand, and you have to act happy and normal so they don't feel awkward, or you don't see that "look" in their eyes. Laugh, and others will laugh with you, cry, and you cry alone.

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Comment by dream moon JO B on January 14, 2016 at 11:46am

thnx rana

shes got demsena wish is not grt  shes gt statt of it 

bt thm krazy sily days i wud luv 2 hav thm bak i wud i thng we all wud hav thm silly days agane we wud 

Comment by Rana Isaaq on January 13, 2016 at 9:26pm

Thanks JO B, I also wish I can relive some of those crazy beautiful days. All we have now are memories, that is what keeps me going. I just close my eyes, and relive each and every moment. I hope your mom feels better soon, cherish every moment you have with her.

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 13, 2016 at 9:09am

so sorry rana 

my dads bday wz 26th dec so xmas is 

now  mums not well its bean sisne 2012 sisne my dad died thn so mush loss on top its bean loss sinse 2013 thn 2014 2015 

i wish i cud hav thm silly krazy days again days wen evry wz hear but i no thy hav gon wen i dream of thm silly days 

Comment by Rana Isaaq on January 12, 2016 at 11:38pm

Thank you so much for your kind words Felicia, it is one of the things that encouraged me to join, so I don't feel alone in my grieve,  hugging you back.

Comment by Felicia on January 12, 2016 at 10:13pm

It is a horrible thing, Rana, when you lose your parents. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom six years ago this coming April, and my Dad two years ago this April. (They died exactly four years apart)  I know what you mean about having to act happy. That's so hard to do when your grieving. And people don't understand what your going through unless they had a close relationship with their parents and have lost them. At least on here, your not totally alone when you cry. Sending you a big hug!  Looking forward to when this promise comes true---Isaiah 25:8--"God will swallow up death FOREVER, and the Sovereign Lord will wipe the tears from all faces..."

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