Mom, I never realized how much I counted on you to be happy. Ever since I was born, we were apart just a few times. I don't know another life apart from the one we shared.

 I'm not suicidal, or in deep depression, you don't have to worry. But these days the only barely meaningful thing I've done is going to work. Guess it helps me because otherwise I'd have to be all day at home. Seems like I live because I breathe and I eat and I sleep, that's what life means these days.

 Mom, one can't understand death until the ones you love die. I remember being around people who had lost their parents last year, and I felt compassion for them, but couldn't get it.

 I know I'm being somewhat self-centered. You are somewhere else, and probably doing well. It's just that right now it's possible that my life is over. I can't imagine where will I be in a years time.

 I watch your pictures at home. Look at your clothes in the drawer. I wear your little gold chain and sometimes your perfume. The things I use to cook in the kitchen, you used them daily. I lay in your bed and cry. That's all there's left now? I remember the good things we went through but even they strike me as bittersweet.

 Mom, I do have my godparents, you know that. But I can't really talk to them, for example when I approach my godfather for a hug or just to tell him something about you, he cries. As for my aunts, I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye to them. And I know it's hard for them since they couldn't make it to your funeral, they didn't get to see you one last time.

 Mom, do you believe in me? Do you think I can make it? I'm planning to get a referral to a therapist, but not sure if that will help me. I have so many issues, mom! And now there's not you to make it better. I wish you were still here, I was lucky to have you as my mom, you were such a beautiful person, you made life and its problems so much lighter.

 I told the Lord that I leave my life on His hands, because I felt I was going to fall to never get up again. And I'm a bit back on my feet again. But they say God  helps those who help themselves. I don't want my life to be just breathing, and being the shell of a person. Mom, you were one of those people who had to do something for herself and be independent. I wish I was more like you. Te quiero.