Hello.

So now, after a few weeks of first started with this process of cleaning my soul of hurt, hate and denial, I have gone through some lot of thinking and investigation about my grandmother's death.

Today, I would like to share it, and put into words what I feel and my reactions to the info that I got.

First of all, fort the first time in my life, I got the balls to ask my dare cousin why did my grandmother died. As I said before, I blocked all memories form her…

Since I first became a part of the group nobody wants to belong too, I have often wondered to myself, does anybody really care? or are we all here just trying to survive? Does anyone really live? or is this just like the hamster who goes round and round, and round? Every day I do my best to have a positive attitude, and everyday I think this will be the day that I get some time off from being a grieving person. I have good days, and bad days like everyone else. Sometimes I can cope, and…

Some people feel that I'm at an age where the absence of my mother should no longer affect me, the way it use to. Granted, the way it use to affect me has changed, but the outcome is still the same. I still miss her and I find new ways to miss her the older I get.…

My husband of 20+ years was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer on May 18, 2013, he went to live in Heaven on June 7, 2013.  I have such a void, an emptiness that I' not can ever be filled.  We were planning to renew our vows in September.  It was so sudden and came out of no where.  Everyone seems to think I should be over it ... what does that even mean?  I still cry everyday and I miss him so much.  I feel cheated - God has kept me going.  I go to work, I cry - I drive home, I cry - I eat, I…

For the past 11 months, everyone is constantly asking me how I'm feeling. How am I doing, am I alright. I say yes, I'm fine. But I'm really not, who ever is? My brother died unexpectedly, there were no warning signs that we would've known that he was dying. From what he knew he had a cold, that's all he would let us know at least. When you live seven stated away from one another how else are you supposed to track their health? I always feel like there should have been something more I could…

My husband of almost 23 years died suddenly at home after staying in the hospital for 7

days. It was such a shock! I loved my husband with all my heart and we were soul mates.

I miss cooking his favorite meals, dinning out together, going to the movies, vacationing

together, going to the state fair in Perry, Georgia every year since 1998. We decided that we

would have a renewal of our wedding vows for our 20th wedding anniversary. We did that in

Ocho Rios,…

I started a Facebook Support group for people affect by Cancer. 

Cancer Support Group- Everyone Deserves To SMILE.

Anyone is welcome to join, even if you aren't affected by Cancer. It is just a group of people who want to talk form time to time about how things are with them, offer advice or info too.

I get asked that a lot.  I really don't have an answer.  Yesterday was the first anniversary of my father's passing.  That in itself is hard enough but like some demented commercial my life has been "But wait there's more".   A beloved uncle and a brother in law died quite unexpectedly in January.  But wait there's more.  My mom passed in June.   There were a few others in there.  The grandfather of my husband.  A couple more in laws of my older sister.   My family is numb from grief.   So…

Death is a monster,

Death is pain,

Death is frustration,

Death is horror. 

I believe that the main reason why I cannot move on from my grandmothers death is because I do not understand what is death. To me, this event is so complex and surreal that I cannot cognitively understand it...

To me, things must have a logic in order to believe in it, and death is one of those ideas that I cannot find the logic on, neither the explanation- of why it…

I just don't know what's wrong with me today. Actually all week. Can't seem to focus, stay on task or stay awake. My eyes don't want to stay open, and my mind don't want to shut off. This is were the confusion and frustration seep in. I live every day coping and using my skills. I just wish for a day off. Just one day off from being me. My life wears me out. I watch all the Catholics go to church every Saturday night, and Sunday morning. I cant remember what it's like being part of it all. I…

a post said to have family help they did not read the post my family could care less. to they don't contact me I have to contact them? it makes me feel what the heck i'm ihere for. at1stmy other son would call me now he barely speaks to me.i email or call andl eave messages and I hear no anser or i'm having a bad week just email and then he does not reply to them. I just don't know how much more of this ican take. I just want to leave and  not let anyone know where I am they would not care…

So because I have decided to speak up and I am tired of keeping this pain inside, I have decided to write until I feel no pain.

Yesterday, after I finished writing my first blog, I realized that I should have done this long ago. However, I think that the reason why I didn't do it before was because I was scared of facing the true.

But now is different. Is like someone- or something deep in my heart is yelling me that I must to move on-

You know, I went to many therapist…

I feelng so bad right now my life feels like it did when my parents died a yr and 10 days apart and my birthday in the middle of that. Hate August. And now my oldest son has died 3/14/2013 I feel that i'm all alone. its like when my parents died my sister took everthing and we have not had a family dinner since then much less talk to each other. I have to call them if I need help. then after my separation in 1999 my ex told my sons a bunch of lies before he told me he wanted a divorce. it…

dont u just get so anoyd at our pc wen thy feze crash on hear or wen we on chat or dong a blog or so on

A few years back I lost the love of my life, my grandmother.

When I knew that she was sick and that she was going to die, I decided not to think about it, and ignore everything about her situation. The word "denial" became my name's synonym.

My grandmother and I were so close that I cannot even described it... She basically raised me, and my whole life was around her wellbeing.  She always said that me and my cousin were her favorite grandchildren, and we developed a special…

help me please

im 17. i lost my twin brother 4 years ago. i loved him so much.

i feel like somebody pulled the ground out from underneath my feet.

i know theres so much to smile for, and i try to be the best person i can be, to stay positive and work hard and help others. 

but im sick to my stomach with this pain. sometimes i hold my breath so i dont feel as bad even if just for a moment. i feel like i could weep into oblivion, like if i started crying i might…

When I was a little girl,

I thought I could climb the tallest mountain

And grasp the whole world.

As I got older and learned more,

I realized that some doors would close,

But that didn’t mean I’d be forever banned to soar.

Somewhere in the middle of then and now,

I lost myself to personal strife,

And almost took my final bow.

Luckily I regained faith and relearned what it meant to live,

Because I had almost lost sight of…

Today is such a hard day. I am going along and BAM I can't believe he is gone. His girlfriend came by yesterday and showed me a video she had made about 4 days before he died. It was a funny video called "My boyfriend does my make-up".  It shows him so happy with her and his funny lovable self. It was both wonderful to see and of course a heartbreaking reminder of the beautiful person who is no longer here to laugh with. He was such a beautiful boy and how I miss holding those hands.  I love…