Today, I took part in the chat room feature on this site. It was really nice to talk with people casually about our moms. We discussed how we were feeling today, and shared memories and ideas with each other. I think this site will definitely be a difference maker in my life.

I am so sad and depressed totally, cant hardly move.. dan birthday is coming soon. on he 18th.. Im having a getogether with close friend..plan to cry all day.. dreading the next few months.. so angry mostly at God...I know Ddan'saroundbut ..I just.. its so hard..

To the people whom have posted either blogs are message's to me, I am so grateful for your story's of your losses you put me in my place.  I found out how lucky We were to be there when Matthew passed I'm so new to your wonderful site I don't know where I am are were I'm supposed to be when I post. However I needed to read the post it set back to a place I needed to be y'all but my feet back on the ground

.Now what happen since I posted last that got me stirred up is my son fiancee,…

I joined this online community to see what other people are writing. While it does help to write something and have people respond and say encouraging things back to me, or even just reading other people's posts, I have a hard time writing anything back. I want to give people all of those same encouraging words, but I can't. I can't even get my own life together. I've gained a decent amount of weight. I have zero motivation to eat healthy or work out. And I've gotten angry. It's been 9…

I can't understand why I keep having to learn that lesson over, and over! I'm off work today. Yep that's right I started my new job at the daycare center. I must say I do enjoy the little ones so much. At first I was a bit sad because the memories of the boys became so vivid in my mind, but somehow the sadness turned into joy. Joy because I did have the time I had with both boys. While I changed a dirty diaper, and played peek a boo with a wee one I was reminded that besides their death it…

Today for the life of me I couldn't remember what we did to my son, so I called my partner, and ask him.  [Here a secret we found out when we had my son cremated, if you have a love one cremated at a Black Funeral Home the price is 795.00. after calling around 10 Funeral homes we got ahold of a black Funeral Home.  The men came right out and told us that the difference between White and Black funeral home, the other funeral homes we called that night wanted 2500.00 to 3000.00 dollars to…

My head's been aching for two weeks straight now. And it's not your typical kind of headache, either. It's brought on by emotion, which feels so strange. I'm at this point where it's like... Should I not think about what it is thats bringing me pain? Or should I find a way to address the fact that my emotions are affecting me physically, now? It's hard to be like, "DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM...", especially when that thought process actually kickstarts head pain. It's like saying don't picture…

It seems my mom is always in my dreams or the ones I remember anyway. It's better because I don't wake up crying now. It's the same kind of dreams I would have when she was alive. From what I have heard it usually takes a long time for your loved one to come to you in dreams so I try to be thankful for it. It still hurts when I wake up and she's gone but at least I have that.

It's been a very long time since I've posted anything on my page, and I can't tell you why I'm moved to write this morning.

In June of 2012, after "dabbling" with online dating services, I returned to eHarmony as I found it to be the safest and provided more compatible matches than any other.

On July 20th, 2012, I checked my "what if" matches, women who were not 100% compatible, but the differences were minor enough, "what if" you contacted them and things worked…

I have been having a pretty tough time recently, as my older posts show. So I have had to do some serious soul searching, and I did not like what I saw. I saw a child throwing a temper tantrum because things didn't go her way. I saw a mother with a very broken heart, and I saw a middle aged woman doing nothing, to help herself. Worst of all I saw a angry, sad, and lost human being. I wanted every one else to fix it, or to help fix it. I couldn't muster up the strength or courage to do…

we haven't really been a "family" 36 years!!!!

in the early 80's we all started to move away in the small town that our grandmother raised us in. we had an extended family. grandma was a  retired  educated widow by the time she raised us. mom was a n educated working young divorcee not receiving any child support for my…

Hello.

So now, after a few weeks of first started with this process of cleaning my soul of hurt, hate and denial, I have gone through some lot of thinking and investigation about my grandmother's death.

Today, I would like to share it, and put into words what I feel and my reactions to the info that I got.

First of all, fort the first time in my life, I got the balls to ask my dare cousin why did my grandmother died. As I said before, I blocked all memories form her…

Since I first became a part of the group nobody wants to belong too, I have often wondered to myself, does anybody really care? or are we all here just trying to survive? Does anyone really live? or is this just like the hamster who goes round and round, and round? Every day I do my best to have a positive attitude, and everyday I think this will be the day that I get some time off from being a grieving person. I have good days, and bad days like everyone else. Sometimes I can cope, and…

Some people feel that I'm at an age where the absence of my mother should no longer affect me, the way it use to. Granted, the way it use to affect me has changed, but the outcome is still the same. I still miss her and I find new ways to miss her the older I get.…

My husband of 20+ years was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer on May 18, 2013, he went to live in Heaven on June 7, 2013.  I have such a void, an emptiness that I' not can ever be filled.  We were planning to renew our vows in September.  It was so sudden and came out of no where.  Everyone seems to think I should be over it ... what does that even mean?  I still cry everyday and I miss him so much.  I feel cheated - God has kept me going.  I go to work, I cry - I drive home, I cry - I eat, I…

For the past 11 months, everyone is constantly asking me how I'm feeling. How am I doing, am I alright. I say yes, I'm fine. But I'm really not, who ever is? My brother died unexpectedly, there were no warning signs that we would've known that he was dying. From what he knew he had a cold, that's all he would let us know at least. When you live seven stated away from one another how else are you supposed to track their health? I always feel like there should have been something more I could…

My husband of almost 23 years died suddenly at home after staying in the hospital for 7

days. It was such a shock! I loved my husband with all my heart and we were soul mates.

I miss cooking his favorite meals, dinning out together, going to the movies, vacationing

together, going to the state fair in Perry, Georgia every year since 1998. We decided that we

would have a renewal of our wedding vows for our 20th wedding anniversary. We did that in

Ocho Rios,…

I started a Facebook Support group for people affect by Cancer. 

Cancer Support Group- Everyone Deserves To SMILE.

Anyone is welcome to join, even if you aren't affected by Cancer. It is just a group of people who want to talk form time to time about how things are with them, offer advice or info too.

I get asked that a lot.  I really don't have an answer.  Yesterday was the first anniversary of my father's passing.  That in itself is hard enough but like some demented commercial my life has been "But wait there's more".   A beloved uncle and a brother in law died quite unexpectedly in January.  But wait there's more.  My mom passed in June.   There were a few others in there.  The grandfather of my husband.  A couple more in laws of my older sister.   My family is numb from grief.   So…