"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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Profile Information
- About Me:
- i am a single divorced woman with no children living in ontario in my little war time bungalow in a small town north of the gta or greater toronto area as is now called.
i have helped care for my 72 yr old widowed retired mom long distanced mom whom lives in a city west of toronto. i flew downhome to nfld in 2009 for 3 months to help care for mom when she was diagnosed with non hodgekins lymphoma 9 months after her 5th husband of only 18 months died of terminal bladder cancer only 5 wks after he was diagnosed.
i also helped care for my retired widowed 96 yr old nanny, whom sadly just passed away jan 28th, 2013 in her compassionate care nursing home in stouffville ontario which is southeast of where i live in central east ontario. i have an older sister and a younger brother from the same mother but different father's and different upbringings. today understandably we are disconnected as siblings before and after mom aged and nanny aged as they both required individual care taht i provided for both mom's cancer care and free in-home volunteer grief support services for my mom when her 5th husband suddenly died of cancer 17 mnths after they were married. mom's first husband, my dad, died 10 yrs ago 7 wks after a car slammed into his car in a winter storm. although my biological father abandoned our teenaged mom after only being married for 5 months in mom's parents home.....he never paid child support for me or my younger brother that my father had 8 yrs after i was born to an teenaged girl also from nfld where we were all born but unlike my parents and grandparents my older sister and i were born in nfld but raised in ontario by our nanny.
although i accept nanny's death and i was never afraid of her talking about death since i was a little girln i took grief support in my community for a yr 20 yrs ago to pre-grieve nanny's death since she raised me until i was 6 yrs old with my older sis, whom is 3 yrs older than me. our widowed retired mom whose cancer luckily went into remission 2 yrs ago after one yr of chemo is only 72 yrs old. my older sis is 56, i am 53 and our younger brother is 45. i also have a younger brother from the same father but a different teenaged mom whom was born and raised in nfld although he was not raised by his underaged mom or our father after my dad kidnapped my younger brother and returned him to nfld from east york (ontario which is east end of toronto) i also have alot of step brothers and sisters from my mom's 5 marriages. mom's first 3 husbands and her 5th husband have all died. only her common law 4th husband is still alive in nfld.
- About my Loss:
- i recognize that i have had a lot of losses in my lifetime which is a reality as we babyboomers or middle aged adults experience as we get older in north america.
my father, mom's first husband of 5 and her 2nd and 3rd husband all died within 2 yrs of one another while 5 other close family members died in that same 25 mnth period.
the reality is as we age more people are going to die in our lives which the cycle of life and is to be expected. i have also read and bought a copy of the book motherless daughters; the legacy of loss by hope edelman. i also have the workbook for motherless daughters although it was not written by hope edelman it is endorsed by her.
it's considered a supplemental resource for women grieving the loss of their mom and the loss of a father in my and many other women's case either thru the physical death of a mom and dad and subsequently stepfathers and now mom's mom (yrs ago mom's beloved dad died at 53 and dad's elderly parents died in the late 1980's.
my nanny whom just died 6 months ago in a compassionate care nursing home near toronto which is 90 miles south of me..........raised me for the first 6 yrs until mom took me to toronto to eventually live with her and her 2nd husband whom is the father of our younger brother. while i miss nanny i did get the chance to videotape nanny at xmas time in her nursing home when i bought a small flipcam on sale at walmart specifically so that i would have a "visit" with nanny and a pleasant visual copy of our conversation because we were always close as my older sis is to nanny.
we consider nanny our mom. although i've forgiven my mom after many yrs of blaming her and misunderstanding and yrs of estrangements after many heated arguements since my mom has never been there for me morally or financially and although mom is in many good ways like nanny like having a high intellect, an exemplary business life and strong work ethic and a kind generous side whom loves her grandchildren; my younger brothers 11 yr old daughter and his 5 yr old son.
our mom is raised me and my younger brother very differentky thru a lot of dangerous chaotic brief marriages that she jumped throughout her teens to her late 60's. she is now 72. i forgive my mom for being human and making mistakes and errors in judgement which we all have made in life. like my t-shirt says: p'obody's n'erfect! (or nobody's perfect! LOL!)
and nanny used to tell us; LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE`
so i embrace an attitude of forgiveness and understanding rather than a harsh unforgiving attitude of blame. there is a saying that i also embrace: DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO GET ALONG.
dissention has existed in our long distance family for the last 30 yrs that since we are geographical and emotional distanced like many families have become over yrs involving sibling rivalries and misunderstandings between our mom and her younger sister and between my older sister and brother.
nanny also taught us hymn although she was tone deaf nanny used to say: i know all the words but i can`t carry a tune!!!
but to me nanny had the most beautiful voice and i can hear and see her anytime i want which i watch our videotaped visit in her compassionate care nursing home which the nurse kindly videotaped for me this last xmas 21 days before nanny died.
i attended grief support in our local hospital only twice this past winter when nanny died on jan 28th. but grief support ended due to lack of attendance.
i accept nanny`s death that she talked about and prepared herself and us for as i was growing up and i never minded her talking about making a living will 40 yrs ago long before elderly woman or any adult was encouraged to get life insurance, a living will and a prepaid funeral.
nanny`s death is a huge loss but it is not the hardest part to accept .....the biggest loss is no family supports and not having the maternal bond with my mom the way that i had with nanny, mom`s mom and no family near me.
Sandy crane's Blog
family discord before and after grandma's death
we haven't really been a "family" 36 years!!!!
in the early 80's we all started to move away in the small town that our grandmother raised us in. we had an extended family. grandma was a retired educated widow by the time she raised us. mom was a n educated working young divorcee not receiving any child support for my…
ContinuePosted on August 16, 2013 at 12:50am — 1 Comment
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