we haven't really been a "family" 36 years!!!!

in the early 80's we all started to move away in the small town that our grandmother raised us in. we had an extended family. grandma was a  retired  educated widow by the time she raised us. mom was a n educated working young divorcee not receiving any child support for my older sis and me. so she gave grandma money to raise us eventhough she didn't get any child support for my sis and  i.  grandma had her 3 younger adult kids as well in the small town we all moved to. grandma's 3 adult kids, mom's younger 3 sibs were always around.mom's younger sister was married and expecting her first child  when we moved to  that small town. mom's 2 younger brothers were single and they were the closest thing we had to a father growing up!we've only gotten together 3 times in the last 36 years!  the last time we were all together on mom's side of the family was 36 yrs ago on new year's day in 1977!!!! if you can believe that!  my aunt and her hubby and thier 2 teenaged daughters invited all of us to have xmas dinner in thier big rec room. we had traditional turkey and all the trimmings, ham and irish food. there was grandma at the head of the table, mom and her hubby, mom's 3 younger married sibs incl the aunt whom invited us to a xmas family reunion at her house.. there were 20 of us altogether in  our aunt's house and we seemed like a real family but it's just the way tway we ended up asan family that is estranged  from one another!  there's been so much sibling rivalry among mom nad her sister, my older sis and younger brother and me, my uncles and some of my cousins don't get along either,. there's  an old saying i try to embrace nowadays:  do you want to be right or do you want to get along? apparently my mom and her sis want to be right because they have fought since jesus was a baby!  which is an old saying that means they haven't gotten along forever! then in 2007 most of our long distance family came together briefly to go to mom's younger brother's funeral. he died of after a battle with throat cancer! thenm a few months ago most of us got together for grandma's winter funeral. a bad storm prevented us from going to grandma's funeral. her dealth is not the hardest thing to accept. i miss her but her actual death is not the largest thing to accept. what;s hard to accept is that my long distance family is not willing to come together as a unit!all we seem to share nowadays like most long distance families is a biological connection and a few facial similarities. i don't expect us to be the brady bunch but we all got together for grandma's funeral . it's sad to think  that they've chosen not to embrace grandma's attitude of love, compassion, forgivenesss, understanding, kpatience, and perseverance, etc.  they want to be right all the time at all costs. sometimes i feel so disillusioned and sad that we only have a past; we don't have a future!  i think the scariest F word in the dictionary is not the swearword that rhymes with luck..........i think the scariest word that starts with teh letter  F in the dictionary  is the word family . i have never seen a more emotionally charged word that brings out so many different emotions that each of us have from time to time! the reality is: some families can put aside thier differences when someone ages, or when someone gets ill or dies....what' the old saying: we only get together at weddings and funerals! it's turning out to be more than a saying for us. it seems to be our legacy of loss! grandma wouldn't want things this way but i guess there's no turning back

has anyone else experienced a similar disconnectedness with thier long distance family?