When I lost my job on Friday afternoon I felt really low for a lot of reasons, but the worst of it was that I was worried that I would have to break a promise to my 7 year old daughter. Literally the day before I had brought her to her first ever Jazz class. It was a free trial class to determine if she would enjoy taking lessons and what class to put her in. She was amazing she really put an effort in and it was the firs time, probably ever, that I had seen her participate…

well, 

Lost my job today.  Don't really know what else to say. Maybe 6 months was too early to go back. Maybe I wasn't ready. I got to many disciplinary points for a person on new hire probation. I  worked there for 2 months and 10 days, the shortest job I have ever had. I am depressed about losing my job, I feel like I was doing well, like I was a good employee.. but maybe I am not a good anything. 

I was allowed 8 points.. I got 5 for missing a shift because my…

Here I am, another sleepless night.  I never sleep long anymore, just cat naps here and there. There is just so much going on in my head, and my dreams have all turned t nightmares,  they are not always bad nightmares, but even my sweeter dreams are torture because in my sweetest dreams I am with my beautiful girl.  The dreams always end, and I wake up with out her. I don't know what to do. I feel so ungrateful, so dissatisfied, so .. ripped off.  They are unfamiliar feelings…

Yesterday was the 10th.  I had been so busy for the last few days that I didn't really notice the date until right before I went to bed.  I felt a little guilty for that in so many ways, but on the other hand the distraction allowed for a brief break from grieving.  My sister came down from up North with her daughter and we spent the day at the water park with my other sister and her son, and Isabella.  Jared didn't want to go so I let him stay home.

As I fell asleep last…