well, 

Lost my job today.  Don't really know what else to say. Maybe 6 months was too early to go back. Maybe I wasn't ready. I got to many disciplinary points for a person on new hire probation. I  worked there for 2 months and 10 days, the shortest job I have ever had. I am depressed about losing my job, I feel like I was doing well, like I was a good employee.. but maybe I am not a good anything. 

I was allowed 8 points.. I got 5 for missing a shift because my daughter needed to go to the ER, I called in ahead of time and brought a DR note afterwards but since I am not eligible for any family or personal sick days I had to accept 5 points.  than I got written up for clocking in early (mentioned in an earlier blog) I got 3 points for that giving me the max allowed points.   Well apparently on the 5th I was scheduled at 10:45, my latest allowed clock in would have been 10:47:50s and I clocked in at 10:48:02.. meaning 12 seconds past what was allowed. I didn't even notice :(.. and that gave me 3 more points putting me over my limit and therefore resulting in termination. :( 

I really tried my best and I was so happy to have found a job and hoped for the best.. and now that is over and here I am losing once again.. feeling like a failure and a loser.. and I am suppose to just try again.. I'm suppose to just say.. okay, lost my home, my jobs, my cars, my grand father, my sons father, my friends, and my daughter.. and now I'm losing more but its just life and I'm just suppose to keep on going on.. expecting not to lose more, expecting things to get better.. 

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I am always truly very grateful for everything that I have, but it just seems to make it harder when I lose things because I truly appreciate them. I truly feel like I deserved my job, and that I was good at it.. and that I was grateful for having it.. and even though I had to walk half a mile, ride a buss for over an hour and then walk another half mile just to get there.. and sometimes had to walk home at 11pm for 4.8 miles I was HAPPY to be working.. I was HAPPY to have a job and never complained.. and now I lost that too. 

sigh.. Im so doubly depressed tonight.