Benny Shipton
  • Female
  • United Kingdom
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About Me:
I am 21 year old female missing my dad.
About my Loss:
My dad died of a heart attack on March 15th 2009, i was in my room when i heard a crash against my bedroom door. I walked out to see my dad lying on the floor dying. It was just me and my younger sister in the house at the time and the ambulance took so long to come. I heard his last breath and knew that he was gone, even on the way to the hospital when my sister was asking if he would be ok, i couldn't answer her. I feel so guilty that i wasn't able to save him. He was only 50 years old.

Benny Shipton's Blog

One year on

This weekend will be one year since my dad died, i haven't been on here in a while. I've been getting really down alot recently, and also angry. I can feel myself taking my anger out on my mum, and i know i shouldn't. I want to stop myself but i can't, and after i'm done i hate myself for it.

I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. Most of it i can't even remember.

I don't want to do anything, i don't have the motivation to get up and go find a job.

I don't…

Continue

Posted on March 11, 2010 at 9:07pm

Times going too fast

When my dad died 7 months ago i didn't really allow myself to grieve properly and i just got back to work and going out with my friends, and drinking alot. now i look back and can't believe how much time has passed. I feel like i want to stop everything so that i don't get any further away from when it happened. I want to be able to break down and take some time to deal with this but i feel like i should have done it 7 months ago, and now the world around has moved on and it's like im not… Continue

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 7:31pm — 2 Comments

annoying things people say..

i know there is one of these in the i miss my son or daughter forum but i wanted to write a few that have really p****d me off



The worst is the people who say it will be hard but you will get over it eventually

- no, you dont "get over it" you learn to live with it a little. i dont even want to get over it.



Some people have said "at least he didn't have to grow old"

- What? Because that's a bad thing?



the past tense.

- it annoys me how easily… Continue

Posted on September 14, 2009 at 11:08am — 7 Comments

Alone?

Am i alone? I certainly feel it. Along with an extreme amount of guilt for not being able to help my dad when he was dying, anger at my sister for hiding downstairs while it was happening. Regret that my older brother and sister hadn't seen him for a month. Confusion that i had a normal conversation with him, said i love you and goodnight, and half an hour later he was gone.
All of these feelings that i have had before in other circumstances, yet personifed by a thousand.
I need help.

Posted on August 31, 2009 at 4:19pm — 4 Comments

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At 11:52am on September 3, 2009, Lou LaGrand, Ph.D. said…
Benny:
As a counselor, let me suggest your sister stayed downstairs out of fear. My brother helped my father more than anyone, but when he was told that morning that Dad was going to die, he could not be there. He went to work as he could not face death. Fear of death is a terrible thing to have to deal with for many people.
 
 
 

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