Melodie Gill
  • Female
  • Greenwood, IN
  • United States
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About Me:
I am nearly 50 years old, recently lost the love of my life and finding it difficult to define myself without Thomas. I am a medical provider and feel good about my work which brings me some solace and a feeling of contribution. However there is emptiness inside of me that makes the rest of my life seem bleak and narrow.
About my Loss:
Thomas was diagnosed with lung cancer May 1st and was relieved of his suffering Christmas Day, 2014-8 months, 3 weeks and 2 days after the news. It's still shocking he does not answer his cell phone nor return messages. He does not pull in the driveway at 6:15 nor does he ask me to "pop the kettle on" for his morning tea. I am grieving for my mate, my best friend and the love of my life. It makes the future feel empty when the memories are so spectacular.

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Melodie Gill's Blog

Am I expecting too much from our friends?

I have heard it so often..."Your friends will disappear, you will no longer fit in with the other couples."  Thomas swore this would not happen to me.  He convinced me this would not happen.  But now that I've hit the 6 month mark, it has happened.  I've felt some of our closest friends easing away from me, but then I would see them and felt it must have been my imagination. No, it was real.  I believe the time has come that they must feel it more comfortable without us.  Time for them to…

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Posted on July 11, 2015 at 3:57pm — 3 Comments

Communications

Am I the only one who feels my loved one sends me messages, hears his voice in my head and very occasionally feels the sensation of his touch?  For instance, I now drive Thomas' car and cars were Thomas' business.  He ran a European Auto Service Center 2 miles from our home.  Our car has been in the shop for 3 weeks and I was ever so happy to pick it up last week.  On my short drive home, an annoying, loud plastic sounding squeak began.  It was so loud over the radio playing, that I turned…

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Posted on July 7, 2015 at 8:49pm — 3 Comments

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At 3:57am on July 10, 2015, nicole irving said…

hi melodie thankyou for your beautiful message, i am sorry for your loss but makes me smile to think that i am not the only one who's loved one makes it quite obvious that they are still around. I was wondering if everyone would put me in a straight jacket! i hope you have a wonderful time with thomas' niece, family is very important. mikes family are in new zealand and have been as supportive as they can be for being so far away. his elderly mum even wrote me a letter telling me that mike would want me to strong and to let me know that i am still part of their family. keep in touch

 
 
 

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"its so hard xmas coz our loved 1s no longer with us so sorry  on your loss "
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Hitting me

My daughter did MAID last Tuesday and I've been holding up okay.But just now the Christmas convoy (trucks all lit up that do an organized drive through our small town) went by and suddenly I just started crying, thinking how my girl won't be around to have these small moments. And not that she would have - she wasn't a huge Christmas or celebration person. So I don't know why I'm sitting here crying about it.Oh this is going to hurt a lot :-(See More
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