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Comment by Casey on February 16, 2020 at 9:46am

it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?

Comment by Theresa on February 16, 2020 at 5:53am

Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to myself how am I going to handle this time in my life without my mom.  I am a nervous wreck, but I am trying to lean on my faith in God, always.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 16, 2020 at 12:34am

Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that I am going to have to experience and live through. There is going to be pain in life. Losing my mom, one of her dogs, and knowing that the day is coming for this little bundle of fur is sickening intense pain. I still love God. I still pray every day, but I realize that this is something that have to experience. That is one of the hard things about grief. When we lose the person we love the most we hope for help. It didn't come from my family and friends, so I leaned on God. I don't have to tell anyone that it can be frightening and disheartening to pray and not find relief, but we keep praying and hoping. We keep taking baby steps. Not another day is promised to us. It will be over some day, but I am always looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. Always hoping that I will be happy again. It's when we stop hoping and trying that it becomes too late. Keep going. Keep taking baby steps.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 16, 2020 at 12:25am

I'm having a lot of trouble getting Krissy to eat. She has diabetes and she has a very limited diet as it is. She can only eat prescription dog food. I switched to the wet version and she was eating up, and now it's the same as before. My vet is monitoring her weight and when she loses a certain amount he wants to put her down. Eating is everything, and I can't give insulin or her thyroid medicine if she will not eat. I have literally begged her to eat. She won't open her mouth. It's heart breaking.

Comment by Theresa on February 15, 2020 at 1:44pm

Brett yes as horrible as it is for us both our dogs have aged almost 5 years since our moms died I’m having a really hard time with it I’m thinking that I might need counseling my boy is going to be 13 he still gets around but I know he’s on borrowed time

Comment by Brenda on February 15, 2020 at 1:08pm

Welcome Kimberly, I am glad you found us!  So many have and continue to be on the same journey as yourself.  Reach out at anytime.  I am fairly new myself and this place has become a light for me. I feel understood, accepted, and heard, which provides me hope everyday, especially my darkest and saddest.  Your picture of your mom, she is beautiful!! Blessings.

Comment by Brenda on February 15, 2020 at 1:00pm

I completely get it Brett, I do worry that I will go into depression.  I don't enjoy going out anywhere any more.  Really I just go to work, church, cemetery to visit with mom.  I have two girlfriends I occasionally go and take a walk with, text most others who are still around in my life, but most have distanced themselves because they ask me how I am and I truthfully answer, not good most moments, my life has forever changed and I didn't ask for it, so I am sad and mad!  My faith is strong, but I question things.  Trying to sleep is the hardest time, just because for 10 months I woke up for every noise to check on mom, I slept in a bed next to her holding her hand.  Continuously my broken heart breaks into smaller pieces daily.  I am sorry to hear about yours and Theresa's dogs, I can't imagine the worry and sadness you are both feeling for your dogs.  Thank you for expressing and sharing yourself, it helps me!  

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 15, 2020 at 12:44pm

Brenda, so much of what you said is so familiar with me. I haven't been able to take a nap since my mom died four years ago. Once, while my mom was still alive and on Hospice, I laid down for a second. I fell asleep and I was having a sweet dream about my mom. She was healthy and we were having lunch in our sun room. Suddenly I woke up in a panic. My mom was calling for me. I felt so guilty about falling asleep. Whenever I try to take a nap now I will almost immediately have a bad dream that my mom is calling for me and I can't get to her.

I woke up last night drenched in sweat. I couldn't go back to sleep. I don't know what I was dreaming about, but I can guess.

I don't want to give my heart to anyone either. I have my mom's dog and I love her with all my heart. She is the same age as Theresa's dog. I thought I was going to lose her last week. The vet hospital pulled her through. It can't go on forever though. She has so many health issues. I'm going to lose her one day. I have already lost her sister. Mom had two dogs. Losing her tore my heart out. I won't get another dog. I can't go through this again. My dog is all that I have left of my mom.

I gave up a long time ago on having friends that understand. They were good for about a month, but now they think I should just get over it. I would if I could but I can't. Outside of this site, I just keep this stuff to myself.

There is nothing in the world wrong with getting professional help. Our grief is so strong that it can turn into full blown depression. I have a grief counselor. She is a doctor and prescribes me medicine for sleep. When mom was sick I was sleeping with one eye open because mom frequently needed me at night. Now that she is gone I can't turn that off. I went days without sleeping before I sought help. I am a Nutritionist and I could not fix this problem with diet and supplements.

We're not crazy. We just have broken hearts. 

Comment by Theresa on February 15, 2020 at 12:26pm

Brenda. I know exactly how you feel.  This is how time changed things for me, as time went the thoughts seem to have become more acceptable but missing her still remains. And I cry.  Probably to much   

Comment by Brenda on February 15, 2020 at 11:48am

Theresa, I agree with you, I don't want to rely on a Dr or medication.  I want to face the grief head on, I am jist suffering so much with emotions coming at me in all directions, I am struggling to deal and how to deal, my faith is strong, I am just all over the place emotionally.  People in my life don't understand, they have their mom's to go too, I don't, it's painful on so many levels. Thank you for your words of hope and understanding.

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