Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pam Brooks on January 5, 2011 at 9:36am

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I understand completely, although I lost my only child at age 24.  The pain, yes, is unbearable at times.  There is a hole which can never be filled because they are gone.  Tears will be a part of your life now just like me.  We miss them so much yet we can't do anything about it.  I do try keep a journal and it helps some.  Please hang in there - you sound like a compassionate person, and I think it's healthy to speak with her children and it shows you truly care.  I take it a moment at a time.  That's all I can do.  If you ever need to talk,  I'm here and will listen.  We now have a common bond even though we wish we didn't.  God bless you Ken.

Permalink Reply by Ken Cirillo on January 6, 2011 at 8:43pm

Thank you, Pam.  It's strange, I have several friends with whom I can talk about anything EXCEPT this bereavement.  I know that they care, but they tense up and get scared.  That silences me immediately.  Inflicting pain upon others is about the last thing I want to do.  I'll try the jounal.  Maybe writing what I'm feeling will allow me to see issues instead of this swirling vortex of anguish. 

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Beucler on January 6, 2011 at 10:22pm

Hi Ken,

 

John was killed by a driver <not drunk> on 12/26 2009 so my "anniversary" just passed as well. 

His daughters do not talk to me anymore which leaves just as large a hole as John's absence.  We did as

you, sat together and watched our favorite TV shows.  He liked the oldies station and that is what was

always on in the car.  I am just a little young to remember those tunes as well as he did.

I do notice that friends do not know what to say so we side step the issue.  My siblings have been terrific

and I'm strong enough to go on alone.  I will miss him always.  We were together for 26 years.

God Bless you Ken and you know why you wrote to us.  You needed a forum where people do not tense

up and get scared.  We have all dealt with the same emotions you are going through on many different levels

and for varying periods of time.  I suppose we will all get to where we need to be but in time....our "own*

time no one else's.

Permalink Reply by Jordan on January 7, 2011 at 12:29pm

Ken,

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Im very new to this site, this is my first post actually. Yours is the first post I read. Im going to pray for you and also have my mom pray for you. For some sort of healing. To lose someone close to you, (I just lost my best friend, my brother) is something that you never get over. I also play over 100 scenarios of how something I could have done or said, or someone else said (or done) could have made everything different. Everyday, every minuite. I also keep a notebook of "Letters To Lyle," just a conversation I would be having with him right now.  Time Heals All Wounds... Yeah time doesnt really seem to be doing anything right now, even moving...  So you have every right to hurt I just want you to know that you're not alone.