Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael on November 16, 2016 at 12:14pm

Katy
I am so sorry. I lost my wife of 26 years a month ago. I have similar feelings. It is beyond hard, it is nearly impossible. I wish there was a pill we could take to fix it.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on November 16, 2016 at 12:16pm

Katy,

I knew you were here in TX. when you mentioned the snakes.

It's been almost a year, two days after Christmas., since HE left me.  I think I'm crying more now as we get closer to the anniv. of HIS death.  I still have a shirt he wore, folded up.  I put it on my lap and lift it to my face to smell his scent.  I never told him he was the best thing that ever happened to me.  It's too late but we did tell each other daily that we loved each other...,.dearly. 

I'm going on and I don't know how.  For five months I sat in his chair and prayed for him to come and get me.  Each time I enter the house I yell, "I'm home."  I yell at him and scream, "How could you leave me?"  I know he would want me to go on and be happy.  I'll never be truly happy without him.  I emptied his closet and cannot empty his dresser.  I can't bear to listen to our songs and the thought of Thanksgiving and Christmas, not to mention New Year's Eve without him, is unbearable.

You will never get over him and you wouldn't want too.

All we can do is to pray for one another. 

My husband was/is the love of my life.  At least I was with him when he died.  He didn't know what happened, he had a Cardiac Arrest and was gone an hour and a half later without ever regaining consciousness.  I'm thankful for that.

Just know Katy,  you are not alone.

Kingwood, TX

Permalink Reply by Connie Cochran on November 17, 2016 at 4:28pm

I am so sorry for your loss Katy. I lost my husband of 38 years on June 19th, Father's Day. He was at work at his rig, fell asleep that night and just never woke up. They believe he had a heart attack. I just can't believe I didn't get to tell him goodbye. It is still so hard to believe he is gone. I had known him since he was 12 and I was 14. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I am trying to get on with life but it's hard. I don't really want to. People keep telling me what I need to do to feel better. I just want them to leave me alone. I really don't want to move on. I don't really want to do anything, much less move on. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the holidays. I miss him so much I don't know what to do.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on November 18, 2016 at 12:02pm

Sorry for you loss, and so much to miss--you had a good one too:)

Permalink Reply by Maxey on November 25, 2016 at 1:04pm

So sorry for your loss. I am at 13 months since my husband died, and it seems worse now than it did early on. I think I am now realizing that my life is going to be a lonely, sad one from now on.
Nothing seems to fill the void of him being gone. I have moved to a smaller house, made a few nice friends, but nothing seems to ease the sadness. I wake up every morning,and the ache and longing take over until I cry and get myself together to face the long day ahead. As you said, I miss his touch, his voice, his smile, his love, his everything.
I wait each day for some signal from him that he is okay and waiting for me, but, so far, I don't think it has come. Once, when I was seriously contemplating ending my life, something stopped me. Maybe that was him and God; I am not sure. All I hope for now is the my life ends soon since this one seems cruel. I ask myself each day why I am here, and what purpose it serves to have me live this sad, lonely life.
I do not think I did anything so bad as to deserve this kind of ongoing pain. I am beginning to welcome death, and I never thought I would ever do that. If I go to sleep tonight, and never awaken, it would be such a relief from this constant, nagging longing.
Sorry to be such a sad sack, I know many people go on after they lose their spouse and lead happy, productive lives. I just am not one of them.
I hope you find peace sometime soon.

Permalink Reply by morgan on November 25, 2016 at 11:47pm

Does it get better?

Sort of, not really, maybe, kind of, sometimes, hardly, no......... over time we just push the mountain around in the room.  

Do we really get over it?  Do we get through it? No, I think we just endure it.  Until one day........in the meantime we cry, scream, beg, plead and hope.  

What a mixed bag.  What happened to that life I remember?  I don't know.  This one is pretty damn surreal.  Tiring, exhausting and pointless. So I write and write and write hoping to get out that which is eating me alive.  Has it worked yet?  Nope.  But I keep enduring and hoping and crying and pleading.  

This is grief.  And I think the world is waking up to how devastating death is.  I sure hope so because none of us thinks anyone should have such pain inflicted on them.  I'll be glad when I don't have to feel this way but I think its going to take a whole new lifetime in another time and place for me to feel joy again.  Sure hope he is waiting for me there.

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on November 27, 2016 at 2:57pm

Morgan, that sums it up pretty well.

I cant believe we are coming up to a year since the last time I held my husband's hand, heard his whistle in the house, his snoring that drove me up the wall.  It's such a surreal life now, I just dont know what to do.

I do a lot of writing... the crying seems to hit me at the most unexpected times.  I will be going through the motions of this life when all of a sudden out of nowhere, it will hit me and I will just start crying.

I am tired, all the time, but I dont sleep well, and I am just angry at everyone and everything.  The only things I care about are my three kids. Everyone else can just leave me alone.

People say I need to get back out there.. WTF does that mean?  Date? People can be so stupid when they tell me that.  Do they really think this will be better if I just start dating again???!!! 

Really??