Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mariella Kennedy on January 23, 2016 at 4:21am

Thanks for yiur reply dear Alice, I am very happy to read yiur reply indeed. It has been 33 days , but to me 35 because I never got to talk to him after that. We never talked about death, because we feared a whole lot! I was always told he could die soon , but he always came back from troubles and to me he was unbreakable! I saw the control he had over his illness many times and it made me feel safe, by his side, plus I was the most optimistic person alive! We both were!
Now I'm destroyed!
But like you I have received (I hope) a few signs of him as a spirit, although I am Catholic I have to believe that James is "alive" still because is my James! He can't be dead! And I'm guessing you know what I mean though.
I miss everything about him!
Sometimes I feel ok, and I feel so bad for feeling ok... James always made a point of how bad it was when someone was over their partner's death and in a way I feel he was letting me know that... I hate that thing too!
I have a fried. Who communicated with him 10 days ago I got a couple of messages from him, I wish I could do it.
I'm hoping too for a meet with him ASAP and just feel his love again for eternity... Wouldn't it be great?!?!, Mariella

Permalink Reply by Lauri on January 25, 2016 at 1:42pm

I lost my husband 3 months ago now. He was only 43 years old and we had been married for 24 years. He was my everything, my soulmate, we did everything together, including work. I have been trying to carry on, but it is more difficult than I could have ever imagined!!! What I've found so far, is I don't think I will ever "get over" the loss of my husband. You just have to learn to endure it. I keep myself busy, going for long walks really helps to clear my head! I have my husband's brother that has been my rock, I don't know what I would have done without him! I also have other great friends and family who take me out to eat, etc. I wish I had the magical answer, but I don't. We also were never able to have kids. I hope the best for you!

Permalink Reply by Mariella Kennedy on January 25, 2016 at 8:25pm

Dear Lauri, I understand you. There is nothing that fills the hole in our lives that our husbands left. There is no conversation interesting enough, there is not a person that makes me feel not even close as he did with his simple , beautiful ways.
I do things , but I do them always with a tear in my eyes, everything I do I do for him , even now I'm talking to him, I'm communicating all what I see and think to my sunny boy.
Things are boring without him, it was all about him! I said long ago that my purpose in life was being his wife , his carer, I said to in front of him... He knew he was my centre of life.
I have to keep putting thought in my head, that he is ok, that he enjoys his new stage, but I keep missing him and feeling jealous of other souls who are with him now...
Thank you for your reply, I hope things get better in a way or another,
Mariella

Permalink Reply by Mariella Kennedy on January 25, 2016 at 8:31pm

Dear Monica,
My husband passed away just 3 days after yours. It has been 36 days since he left this world and like you we were soulmates, meant for eachother in every aspect. We could spend long periods sitting by eachother nit saying a word and we would be so comfortable! He was funny, sweet, simple, home body , the best friend I had ever had. I loved LOVED looking after him, it gave me purpose, he made my life so beautiful and happy.
We had to spend months at a time (thre times) in hospital and I would be there with him. I slept by his side in three chair for 3 1/2 months in 2014, and that was hard, he was sick , but I was with him, I had him!
He was finally doing SO WELL now!! And he didn't get to enjoy it!
I can't wait to be with him again in the next level
Anyway, I love him more than ever now!
Sending hugs your way
Mariella

Permalink Reply by Robin Quinn on January 31, 2016 at 7:25pm

I lost my husband of 29 years, 11 days ago.  He was my everything so I know exactly how you feel. He was diagnosed with cancer on 12/17 and passed away on Jan. 20.  I am so lost, I don't know what to do, he was only 53.

Permalink Reply by Francine Goodman on January 31, 2016 at 7:47pm

My Heart is aching as I read the different entries, our storiies are different, yet the heartbreaking seems the same. I lost my husband suddenly in June of 2014. I am no better now than I was then.How could I expect to be ok, we have been together since our teens.  I think of him so many times a day, I think there must be something wrong with me.

How can we not question, why did this happen to me? I don't know about all of you, but I now question everything I ever believed in all my life, and I am very uncomfortable with that.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by morgan on January 31, 2016 at 9:51pm

Francine,

With you 100%.

Lost my husband January 21st 2013.  Three long years ago.  In the most important way I am no better than I was then but I do better at taking showers and daily tasks that don't involve being interactive with other people.  

There is nothing wrong with you (or me or any of us).  It is the result of what the death of our loved one has done to our psyche.  And yes, questioning the why's of the death of our beloved is the daily battle we wage in our heads.  Every day, day in, day out, 24/7, 365. I wish differently but that is the bottom line.  And with no answers we just push the mountain in the room around.  The mountain never disappears, it barely wears away a few pebbles and we just keep pushing it around.  

Wish there was another way to make the universe different.

Permalink Reply by Marie Salas on February 2, 2016 at 11:43pm

My heart goes out to you. Eleven days is just so fresh and raw, like a new wound. I lost my husband Sal 8 yrs ago to a brain lesion. It was just one year from his diagnosis to his death. I missed him so much then and I still miss him and think of him everyday. I talk to him mostly when I am driving this way people will not think I am crazy. I can tell you that the pain and lump that you feel in you heart will go away. The tears will subside but never truly go away. Your love for him will remain solid and you will continue to miss him forever. There is some type of survival mechanism that kicks in your brain that enables you to cope and wake up every day to a new one. I for one feel that my husband is not far from me. I feel he is close by and continues to watch over me and love me. I pray for him to guide me in life. Every so often I have a big cry and let it all out. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my lover and my rock. I dream of him often and I know that someday we will be reunited in our next life. Our bonds were too strong for this not to happen. You will see your time will come when you will smile again and have fun. Life does go on. Somehow as the years go by you have the right combination of grief and normalcy. You will always grieve your husband because he was the love of your life, but laughter and happiness will return as part of your emotion. There will come times you will feel sorry for yourself. This is normal. I still vary my emotions and at times feel sorry for myself too and question why did this have to happen. It will get better in time.