Hi all.  My mother passed away on December 28th, 2015 to uterine cancer that she battled for almost three years.  It's a huge blow to myself and my family, and it's been extremely tough coping with her leaving us.  I was very close to my mom, and I know everyone says it but she was the best mom anyone could ever ask for.  She always was there when I needed advice or someone to talk to, and never shunned me away for any reason.  

I haven't really slept much since she passed, and it's almost 4AM while I type this since I just can't sleep.  Thru out the day I'm ok, but then I'll think of her and be depressed for an hour or so..  And that cycle just keep continuing.  When she was admitted to hospice myself, brother, and sister all put our jobs on hold to be with her 24/7.  My brother and I would be by her side 5pm to 7am, and my dad and sister would be with her 7am to the evening so this way she wasn't alone.  They had her on 17mg/ml an hour morphine drip with 5mg shots every 2-3 hours along, and she was still in pain.  

What bothers me the most is that my mother died a painful slow horrible death and suffered a year before she died, which really eats me up inside.  She just didn't deserve it.  She was in hospice for 10 days, and we made a decision to put her into an induced coma the day before Christmas Eve.  I don't think she knew who any of us were at that point.  On the 28th my sister and brother went to go sleep, and my dad had gone out to pay some bills.  It was just me by her side, and I looked up from playing on my phone and saw her breathing slowed down by quite a bit.  I held her hand and told her I loved her, and that I was right next to her.  Her breathing got even slower so I called for the nurse who told me that the time was close.  The nurse left the room, and not more then a minute later I saw my mom take her last breath.  I'll always remember that scene.  She totally stopped breathing and I just stared at her in shock.  Went to go call the nurse again, and the doctor came also.  They checked for my moms pulse and checked her heart with a stethoscope..  I asked if she was still alive and the doctor said "No, I'm very sorry".  I just broke down after that.  Next I called my brother, sister, and dad crying and told them to come back to the hospital asap.  

I just can't believe she's gone.  In the end, cancer robbed her of her dignity and life.  Things will just never be the same without her again.  She was 68, and I'll always remember her forever.