Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hilary Christene on October 31, 2015 at 12:23pm

I'm counting, too. 70 days now. When D was here, we had each other as a team to face what life brings.

With D gone, I'm enduring a life sentence.

I do so humbly thank the Divine for the time I did have with him.

My heart's been made tender by this grieving, and I want to be very kind to everyone who crosses my path while I am still here, though I hope the time is very, very short. 70 days is already too long without his physical presence.

The dishes are not ever all the way done and there is laundry all over the floor. So. Be. It.

Permalink Reply by Mel Royer on October 31, 2015 at 12:48pm

Indeed! Nancy and I were a team...not just best friends but confidantes, planners and confidence enforcers. We were all things to each other, all the time. Now that she isn't here I literally don't know what to do.  It's like I can't eat, dress, move...do all kinds of mundane things I used to do because she isn't here! No connection...No reason...No interest in much of anything at all. I rarely eat anymore. Maybe once a day...I can't stomach food with absolutely no appetite. Yes.I'm counting the days...until the day I won't have to count anymore. I'm reminded of the GeorgeJones country Classic  "He stopped loving her  today". Of course, that happened when he died.I hope to continue loving my Nancy by her side in whatever realm of existence God has for all of us.  

Permalink Reply by Fran on October 31, 2015 at 4:36pm

I have tried to explain to friends and family that motivation is definitely lacking in my life. I force myself to do some things and am sooooo proud when I actually get something accomplished. We used to do everything together; work and play...now, I generally just don't care.

Permalink Reply by nicole irving on October 31, 2015 at 8:27pm

People are always quite quick to give advice on this, i was constantly hearing, Mike would want you to be happy, i of all people know this he was one of the most fun loving people i have ever known, but how do i be happy, all i can ask for is to function and continue as best i can with life until that blessful day comes when i can leave it all, but i know that cant happen too soon as i still have my 10yr old son here to raise, i do love my children dearly but i am totally lost and so exhausted in keeping going through this cruel world. Its been a bit over 5 months for me, I have massive mood swings , one minute i do ok and try my best to head in the direction that Mike and i were trying to travel, others days i feel as thou i am having a nervous breakdown. I am not particuarly social. ( the reason i dont leave many comments on this site). half the time cant be bothered talking to anyone, only at work or if someone calls, i have had heaps of invites to catch up, but cant be bothered. im hoping in all my heart that this torture can end for all of us sooner, rather than later. love to all xx

Permalink Reply by Jeni on November 1, 2015 at 6:25am

Mel there are no words to describe the intense loss...and like you my partner of 2.5 years died in my arms at home after the hospital made a terrible mistake and sent him home after I had saved his life that morning by carrying out CPR.The pain is indescribable and I know my life has changed forever. Every second of every day I miss Col....no one can make the pain go away except Col...so I know what you feeling and each day brings it's own challenges. I send u strength and may u find in time a sense of peace and a way to see a glimmer of light that shines warmth on such a painful and sad time in out lives ....Jeni

Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 1, 2015 at 4:19pm

I'm right there with you all. There is no point to anything for me, anymore. I can't do the things my husband and I used to do together, because without him they only cause pain.  Like you, Mel, my financial situation is very bad, which doesn't help -- on top of the anguish of my husband not being with me, I have to worry about losing my apt. and paying bills and paying for food.  I do not want to live, not without my husband, but secondarily because I will never be financially secure or even ok. If I live to be old, I will either be homeless or reliant upon the kindness of my sister and her husband.  I am DONE with this farce of a life.

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 7, 2015 at 3:06pm

I have zero motivation as well. Everyone here seems to have lost a spouse, so that's different in terms of life partners but I lost my sister and it's awful for my motivation because she affected my day to day so much. In order for me to want to cook, clean, continue hobbies, enjoy tv and movies my mind has to be clear and unburdened. I can't concentrate on anything. I only do laundry as that's the most essential thing, even dishes are just piling up.

Everything I see or watch makes me want to share with her so it's hard to enjoy much. I can tell my mom but she won't get the joke or might not care as much about what I'm sharing. Just not the same at all. EVERYTHING I look at online I want to pop over and show her, but I can't. It's a tortuous restlessness that feels like I'm in a straight jacket. Can't move. No freedom. So can't relax enough to be motivated to do anything.

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 7, 2015 at 6:48pm

Yep! Me too on showing stuff to people only your person would get. I too feel that loneliness and emptyness. It hurts so much because that then takes energy to curb what you say and how you say it to people because they will look at you crazy. That is very draining to me. It makes me anxious because I have to hold things in.

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 8, 2015 at 8:52am

Yes, no answer is the sad truth. I think we could find that again on a smaller scale with someone we may meet but it will take time to get that comfortable (and chance I suppose) but in reality we know never again will we have that and they are irreplaceable. That's why I feel like I will never overcome this and never again find the motivation to want to continue life as it were.

My sister was my compliment in this life, no one knew me like she did and vice versa. We'd FaceTime each other and continue to do whatever we were doing as we talked, sometimes we'd stop talking and just be doing whatever for long periods in silence but it was still like being in the same room. I met this man and it was a romantic interest and he'd call me and if I was in the middle of something (on the computer, working with papers) and he heard ANY SLIGHT background noise he'd latch on to it and get all uptight and want me to call later when I had time to talk. I couldn't make a sound or he'd be all "what's that? You must be busy. Call me later" i didn't find it that big of deal to talk and do something else at the same time.

It just made me even more comfy talking to my sis. Everything makes me miss her. It's why I can't think or want to do anything really productive.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 15, 2015 at 2:01pm

For me, the pain and loss are every bit as intense as they were on the day he died; in some ways it's worse, because at least then the shock and the Xanex cushioned me at least the tiniest bit.  I literally cannot believe that my husband is dead, or that this world/existence is real.  I am in hell.