Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on May 28, 2015 at 6:35am

Hi Matthew I'm really sorry to hear about your sister. My little sister passed away unexpectedly in Feb....it has been a horrendous time but compared to you I feel relatively fortunate...my sister died from carbon monoxide poisoning and she probably didn't realise what was happening to her. Despite this I am barely coping, so I am blown away by what you're having to deal with. It's really good that you're trying to reach out to others who can go some way to understanding how you're feeling, and can appreciate that a couple of years going by certainly doesn't mean getting over it. If you'd like to write more about the situation you've found yourself in I'll gladly listen and respond.

Permalink Reply by Matthew Wilson on June 18, 2015 at 3:06am

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm very sorry to read about your loss as well. I don't think there us amy comparison between people's grief...it is just painful.
I'm almost afraid to start talking, you know? Afraid of the flood gates opening ( as a matter of fact that's why it's taken me so long to even respond).
Please, if you need to talk, I'm here...it might be easier after talking to someone else about what they are going through.
Again, thank you so very much for your reply. It really does mean a lot.

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on August 15, 2015 at 1:43am

Hi Matthew,
I'm really sorry, I wasn't notified that you'd responded, otherwise I would've replied sooner.
It can be really hard to start talking to people especially if you've been keeping things to yourself. I keep hearing that talking is the best way to heal so I've been pretty open about it since the start. If friends ask how I am I don't give them a nice fluffy cloud of bullsh*t; I'm very honest and tell them how awful it is! Some are helpful, some are not. I'm seeing a counsellor, have you thought about doing that? I am on my second because the first wasn't much good/wasn't right for me. This second guy is more practical. He's told me to buy a small book and write 5 positive things at the end of each day, and then focus on the most positive of the 5 as I go to sleep. This way I'm ending my day in a slightly better frame of mind than I would usually. He also has told me to buy a large jigsaw puzzle (500-1000 pieces) because it's a good way to occupy your mind, and very calming, if you start to sink into a bad place. I'm not sure if any of this will work yet as I've only just started, but anything is worth trying hey. We have to live with this somehow, might as well try and make it a little easier on ourselves.
It's been 6 months for me and I think my main issue as that I don't really believe it's happened. Still!! I keep thinking that this is just a temporarily terrible part of my life, and then my little sister will walk back in and everything will go back to normal. How much I wish that were true. It remains inconceivable to me that she's never coming back; she was the most vital part of my life. Now all I have is photos and the shrine I've made in my bedroom. I've also started writing down any little memory that pops into my head because I'm scared I'll forget all the wonderful things we shared; our jokes, her quirks, our experiences. It's not fair that this has happened to our siblings and to us. I'm always hear to listen and share! Xxx

Permalink Reply by Michele on August 15, 2015 at 5:58am

Hi matthew, I lost my sister and brother-in-law in a tragic fire in march. I had just spoke with her that night up until about 10:30 pm she was begging me and my husband to drive up and meet them the next day. The fire started 1 1/2 hrs later and they could not get out. I got the call the next morning. That call plays out in my head often. I cant tell you how many times I have thought that could have been me, we used the cabin often. It was a tiny place one door and since it was a vacation place there were bars on the windows. no escape. I can somewhat function through the days but the nights are my enemy. My mind is flooded with everything and sleep is becoming a thing of the past and when i do sleep its full of awful things. I suppose my next move will be a counselor. The feeling of constantly walking with a feeling of being punched in the chest I am hoping will get better. It just sucks sooo bad that most people appear to have just moved on and the more time passing just makes me realize how much she isnt here. I hope someway, somehow we all find some sort of peace or balance along the way