Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by helen on January 6, 2014 at 7:13pm

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss too. Mother's are so precious.

You know when I lived in the North, there were some Elementary Schools in the cities that didn't have a library in them. I was in college and I wanted to raise money to add one in this one school, just getting book shelves and books to put in a room they already had, but then my health started to decline. Maybe you could donate a section of her favorite book in her name at your Library or create some book program for inner city Elementary kids or even a contest using her name for memorial. I like your idea about creating a memorial for my Mom too.

By the time I was able to leave Iran, our houses were gone and the POA took all of our money (Mom & mine). So, I live in a rented place. I was thinking thought maybe I could make a website for her. She was very brave and so kind. I believe those responsible for her death will pay in the end. I just wanted her to live long enough so I could give her even a scrap back of all the things she gave to me. Every Birthday, every Holiday, she was the one who remembered me. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jean on January 7, 2014 at 11:08pm

My mother was the same way. My life seems so empty without her to talk to everyday. The anniversary dates are the worst. My husband put a bunch of things away and it has upset me very much. I was looking for a specific powder and can not find it. He claims it was not there. I guess I am overly sensitive about him moving her things without asking me where I would like to put them. So now I am sad and mad all at the same time. I think maybe I should take a road trip and go visit friends. I'll have three dogs with me.

I need a break from everything.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by helen on January 7, 2014 at 11:43pm

It might help. It helps me to redirect myself to keep busy, but I know what you mean and how you feel. My Mom and I always talked and she was the one who told me all the good things. She would say I was smart and beautiful. She used to tell everyone when I was in college. She wore a large amount of gold jewelry around her neck with rings, many of which I had given her over the years and she always said her jewelry was to pass to me. It was a special thing, like it would carry her essence somehow and it is in Iran with my husband's Mother. I am scared to have them ship it because it is so valuable, but to me its not money, its a bond between us. I feel she won't rest right until I have the jewelry and I feel a big hole inside because of it. 

I had asked my husband to picture her before she was buried and I just found out he didn't feel comfortable doing that. I thought I would at least see her body one last time, but he only took pictures of the funeral. So, I am sad and mad too. Even our husband's don't get it. Men just don't think the same way I think. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jean on January 8, 2014 at 12:01am

No they do not understand the bond. My husband was closer to my mother than his but he still does not understand the depth of my loss. I feel like part of me died the day she did. I was her caretaker for 2 1/2 months. She was very aware of everything going on right up until 2 1/2 day before she died from an infection. She had a rare blood disorder called aplastic anemia. We thought the shortness of breath was heart related. She was admitted to the hospital and it took them 11 days to figure out what she had. Then they said a hospital was no place for her to be so I brought her home and took care of her. She had to have weekly blood tests and many blood and platelet transfusions so we spent a lot of time going to a cancer center and to out patient hospital visits for the transfusions. We had to wear masks to keep from catching the flu last year and were constantly washing our hands. She went with me on errands to the grocery store and all the other routine things we needed to do. She stayed in the car while I ran in and came back out. She was very independent and one time while I had a nap snuck out and drove to the corner store to get stamps. I knew she had left because the car was not parked quite at the same angle. That was her last solo drive. I still have not found those stamps. I have a very hard time going through her things here. She has a room and a bathroom. She also has a house that I have been going through as well. It is not as hard there but I still cry when I go there. I will be going this weekend. Maybe I should go spend a couple of nights there. No internet. That's ok I have plenty to do. The dogs can come with me. sigh

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by helen on January 8, 2014 at 12:17am

I wish you the best. I really enjoyed your story. My Mom didn't drive but she was the same way. Iran was holding her and she wanted to go home to USA. She was fearless. I was pregnant and fell asleep and my husband left to do some shopping for us. He had a bad feeling and decided to turn around and go back. My Mom, in her nightgown, with Chador (the black cover that some Muslim women wear there) over it had made her way out of our house and was walking down the street determined that she was going back to USA.

Her legs were not in pants and in that culture, with that type of cover to not have pants would have caused forces to pick her up. We almost had a heart attack. lol So nice to have found you Jean. I feel a little less alone. My husband is stuck in Turkey. Mom would have helped me to co sponsor him. Mom was the only one I had for family. My husbands family spent months trying to find someone here from their family or friends to co sponsor him and I filed all the immigration things when they did.

However, I couldn't afford an attorney here with our son (he has congenital heart disease), so I filed myself. They mixed our file with someone else and kept asking the sponsor to resubmit the documents he already gave. The third time they asked instead of sending them again he backed out.

It is really hard to grieve when you are alone. My son has started having behavioral issues at 2 because he lost his Grandma and his Dad. So I have to really watch myself around him so his grief doesn't get worse. I will pray for you and the dogs to have a peaceful time. 

• ▶ Reply

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• Next ›
• Page