Will I ever feel anything like I used to before my brother died??

I lost my brother 4 years ago.We were extremely close since the day I was born till he died.As much as I know I'm doing better then I was,I don't feel the same at all anymore.Everything feels and looks different.I have more good times now since some years have passed,but I have lost a part of me and I'm still struggling to live with the 'new' me.I hear it does change us and we will never be the same again,but I don't know if this is what it means.I'm still the same person in most ways yet I'm not at all like the 'me' I was before he passed.Its very odd and I get soo tired.As much as I realize we all are going to go someday,It still doesn't and I don't believe ever will feel right and I'll never be the same again.I do work everyday at improving on loving my family and trying not to let him have died in vain.As much as it hurts he left,at the same time,he is the only one keeping me going because I know he would be soo hurt if he ever knew his death would cause me to go downhill. I know I'm not alone in feeling some of these feelings but it really does feel like it most so much of the time.

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Permalink Reply by michail lalas on June 15, 2013 at 1:33am

Hi, 

Just to share the pain. Almost 15 months after my brother passed to the other side. We were also closed since I am twin. Once, 3-4 years ago, he called me and the first five questions from both of us were just the same. We closed the phone laughing.

Another time, he was driving for a business trip and I called to tell  him to be carefull because it was raining. He told me that he had just already slipped of the road crashing his car...we were laughing again.. 

Now,  I am going for one week holidays in a Greek Island (called Ios). I selected a hotel that is called dimitris rooms. Dimitris (means Jim) is the name of my brother.

I would not like to exist a chance of my brother "watching" my life. I think that in that case the emotions would be extremely painfull for him (not right now but life has up and down). Still, sometimes I feel him next to me and I always expect to see him (not in my dreams).

Thank you 

 

Permalink Reply by JEN DECLUE on November 23, 2014 at 2:37am

I totally agree with you. It's not something you can put into words.. 

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