How to see you when I have to cover my eyes with black

How to touch you when I have to learn to catch the air

How to hear you when the silence sould make my ears to pain

How my soul would come close to yours when it is closed in my body

Sometimes is like you are alive through my mind and my eyes and sometimes is like I am dead through your loss

It is like to ask you to make a big step having one leg.

more than seven months tonight. It is Friday. The worst day of the week for me. Every Friday I feel that I did not spend during the previous days enough time for my brother because of the day to day thoughts (mostly  thoughts about my job).  Every Friday I find myself crying for the loss and begging for a one second touch.

Once Jim called me and both made the first five questions just the same and simoultanesly. We closed the phone laughing getting no answers...

walking to the church for his funeral, a car stoped and the driver asked me if I knew where was a football stadium called 'paradise'. I did not know that a so called stadium existed in my town. I  have not asked till now if there is such a stadium  (Finally I saw this stadium some months later)

I and my brother were at the hospital. An old man (about 80) at the opposite bed was asking himself what he had done and now he is suffering.. we both wondered how, despite his age, he had not learned during his whole life that things do not go this way...

One thing that makes me feel better is that my brother did not live these moments I pass through.

He had a lot of <hospital> experiences during his life. However he managed to grown two children, to be a very well paid accountant and most of all to live his life with dignity. His wife is also a very remarkable person.

I know that I will feel half from now on.  I have lost my parents (my dad before 24 years) and my mother (before almost two years) both by cancer. I can accept this way of life and I understand that it is not how long we live here on earth but what we are doing. However the loss of my brother is different. Jim I miss you

first crhistmas without you

Ten months after.

At the beginning there is the feeling that he will visit you. Later, you know he is around.

More than 14 months. We slept together last night?? Maybe

This summer I choose for spending my holidays a small hotel called "Dimitris rooms" near the sea in Maganari Ios. Dimitris is the name of my brother.

There is a little gulf there and there was only a small boat. Its name was "two brothers"...  

The date before yesterday was our birthday. JIM I MISS YOU.

There are a lot reasons to call for his soul. First, to give me the assurance of life after death (definitily selfish orientated). Second to live my life with less  pain (definitly selfish also).  BUT AT THE END THE MAIN FEELING IS THAT I MISS MY BROTHER IN THIS LIFE.

25 months. I feel deeply in depression.

 50 months. I miss him. I expect him

4 and half years. Saturday tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder how I am moving on without him