Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Julia Nichols on May 31, 2016 at 3:09pm

I know your pain. I just found out my daughter was murdered. She had been missing for 3-1/2 years. I always held out hope. Now I am fresh again in my grief. I don't think they will solve her murder either. Not that it matters right now, she is still gone either way. I hope they've solved your daughter's murder and that the perpetrator is being punished. I hope this pain eases for you and me.

Permalink Reply by Connie Pharr on January 26, 2010 at 9:03am

This is only my 2nd day on this website. I wish I could take each and every one of you by the hand. My son died in 2004. Many of you are so new to the pain of losing your child. My heart aches for you all. My heart still aches for my son. I mourn the loss of my baby, my little boy, the young man so full of possibility, the man who struggled so with his addiction. I mourn the grandchildren I will never have. I never knew before how far reaching the ripples are and that they never end. I am stronger now, time does help. But some days I am sucker punched and knocked to my knees and maybe always will be. I hope not. I hope to someday only smile at his memory, without the ever present grief attached. Some days I am able to do just that. Most days I still feel the pain and want so desperately to hear his voice. It brings tears to my eyes to reveal this but sometimes I can't remember what he looked like without looking at his pictures. Maybe this is partly due to healing. I am healing, slowly and with some backsliding but I am healing. We will all slowly heal. Some faster than others. It's okay. We will be okay. Never the same, we've all lost our belief that nothing that terrible would ever happen to us.It has, it does, it will. But I firmly believe we are able to honor their memories by reaching out to each other. To just know that we are not alone. To lift each of us up in prayer. To wish that each of us will have a good day today. May God bless you all today...Connie

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 26, 2010 at 12:42pm

Connie - have you got, or have you thought about opening, a website in memory of your son??
I found it was a perfect way to share memories and photos and music and it is a haven for me when I'm having one of 'those' days.
I know what you mean about wanting to hear their voice - I only have one short video of Meshael and I have to play it over and over some days just to hear her.
If you would like - please go and have a look at one of Meshael's sites, and even if you don't want to do one yourself, please get to know Meshael and her story.

www.legobeaver.com/meshael/meshael1.html

Gail x

Permalink Reply by Michelle Hornbrook on January 26, 2010 at 11:10pm

Hi, I have just joined the site and have been reading through some of the postings. I am glad that I don't feel like a mom that didn't care because I sit and can't recall memories of my son, Nick without help from others. I have been blaming it on my surgery and my seizures but as I have read that is common in the grief cycle. I lost my baby brother to leukemia on May 3, 2009 then on the 23rd I lost my baby in major car crash. He was 16 years old and out with his friends and they were all taking turns driving a "race" car on the back roads here. My son was driving and took the care to fast around a corner and went off the road and hit a tree. The car started to catch on fire. The girls were able to get out of the care but my baby was jammed between the steering wheel and the seat so they were unable to get him out before the car was fully engulfed by the fire.

My sister called me that night wondering if I knew where he was. I told her that he was out with some friends and she told me to try and call him but I never did get an answer on his line. After not being able to reach him I called my husband and he came home.With in minutes of him coming home the state police arrived to tell me that he had been in an accident and didn't survive the accident. The next few days I was unable to function thankfully my family members gather and helped me to prepare everything for the ceremony.

After the funeral we still suffered the confusion of everyone being around and making sure that I was ok and hadn't been having any major seizures. I found my biggest problem was once everyone went about their every day business that I had a hard time believing that it all happened. I was feeling as though it was something that I was imagining and was expecting him to show up at anytime. I am still at the point that I can't believe that we have had all of this happen at once. I also feel as though I haven't really dealt with my feelings and grief. I don't know if it is because my mind is blocking it out or if I just haven't accepted everything yet.

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on January 27, 2010 at 8:56am

i lost my daughter Fawna June 30 th 09' to a drowning she was 15 and i know what you mean. I still rufuse to except living the frest of my life with out her. Apocolyps has already taken place for me. It is part of the grieving process denial. Your brain shuts down when its not ready or able to face reality. I wish you the best and your son is very adorable.

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 30, 2010 at 1:07pm

Melissa - hugs to you my friend. You are still so very early in your grief and I know so well how difficult it is to carry on living without the most important part of your life.
Life changes around us and it is our choice when we want to step back into it.
We'll be here for you when you need a helping hand
Hugs Gail xx

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on January 30, 2010 at 1:01pm

Michelle - I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Nick. That shock on top of the recent loss of your brother is enough to send your mind reeling. I always tell everyone here that grief is a slow and desperately miserable journey to be on - and the best way to get through is to take each day as it comes. There is no time table and even though the stages of grief are recognised, there is no way that anyone can tell you how long each of those stages will last.
I think most of us have suffered, after a loss and where people have been surrounding us with help and love and hugs. They do have to go home eventually and we have to deal with the everyday chores and goings-on on our own. The silence is deafening! And we are left with our thoughts and memories. Sometimes our unfounded guilt. But mostly with that huge gaping hole in our hearts and our lives. I can see that you are having problems with memory and this could indeed be due to grief or maybe a side effect of your surgery. The important thing is that you DO have people around you who are helping you remember.
This is a great group of people, who all know your pain. This is a place to talk and cry and sometimes to rant and rave at the unfairness of it all. But most of all, it is a place where people understand. That, you will find, will help you to make sense of your feelings and in time, you will learn to reinvent yourself, pick up the mask we all wear everyday that smiles at the world. Acceptance is a word that I can't really take on board - I will never accept that my daughter is no longer here. Even after eight years there are days when I wake up and really believe for a few seconds that it was all a terrible dream.
My heart goes out to you in your loss and please feel comfortable to write in anytime you need to - there is always someone around to take your hand and send you a hug.
Take care Gail x

Permalink Reply by Kar on February 26, 2010 at 8:20am

Sheryl - I am so sorry about Lee - "I know it is all just soooo wrong"
I hope you do find comfort here- We do all understand !!!
As for myself - talking to others who get my words like I understand & get every word you said-
that is a comfort to me - just to feel like someone gets me.
Although like in your case- I ache to know that others are as destroyed as I am.
I am sending you the biggest ((HUG))
Sorry- I am not one of those people that have all these wonderful - uplifting things to say to you - I just hurt- Life can really suck- You deserved to have your son in your life & He deserved to live---- !!! Love to you across the miles.... !!! Karen

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on February 26, 2010 at 9:30am

Hugs Karen - I so feel for you sweetie - life really isn't fair (((HUGS)))

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on February 26, 2010 at 9:34am

Hi Sheryl - so sorry to meet you in these circumstances. Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a human being and we are in this 'closed club' where only WE understand that pain.
You are in the first stages of this awful journey and the road ahead is full of pitfalls. Together, we can make it to the next stage and the next. Sharing with other bereaved parents has been my lifeline over the last almsot 9 years but I can tell you that the pain never ever goes away. We just learn how to deal with it in time. Please feel free to rant, rave and scream here - we understand.
Bless you hun
love Gail xxx

Permalink Reply by Ken Ciolek on June 24, 2010 at 11:01am

Sheryl - I am so sorry too hear about Lee - I lost my daughter in December, very unexpected and still waiting for an answer, which I fear we will never get. Believe me I grieve any chance I get, I break down in work, on the train but for me I have to try and stay stron for my wife and son, in addition my wife is unemployed so I have to stay sane to go to work every day. My wife feels and sounds just the way you feel, I feel I should be doing more to comfort her but don't want to say the wrong things and upset her.

Permalink Reply by Ken Ciolek on July 9, 2010 at 7:41pm

Hi Sheryl,

Thanks for responding to my post, I would like to talk to you more, can you email me directly at kciolek@optonline.net. Having a hard time and just don't know what to do for my wife.

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