Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by anna l. on September 14, 2012 at 11:46am

Kevin I am so sorry for your losses.  I say losses because you not only lost your mom, but your dad in a way as well.  As for your sisters dealing with it better than you, everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently.  It could be that they are still in the numb phase, or their anger is keeping them up.  You are just in a different stage of this horrible journey no one asks to take.  In time you will move into a different place than you are today in processing what has happened.  Give yourself permission to move through the phases at your own speed but take good care of yourself as you do.  Remember how much your mom loved you and the care she would be showing you if she could.  Honor her by being good to yourself now. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kevin on September 14, 2012 at 3:46pm

Thank you for your kind words and advice.  I will try for my Mom. My sister is actually visiting me this week and it has been great! Thanks again

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Becky H on September 14, 2012 at 2:46pm

I am sorry for your loss(es). You will get to that happy place again, someday. It takes alot of time, alot of healing. You will never forget of course, and it will probably haunt you for a long time. Honestly, your sisters are probably either going thru a different stage of pain (anger, numbness, denial) then again they may just not show it around you. I lost my father recently, and I cry only when I'm alone. I do not show my pain to anyone else around me, its easier to try to be strong around others. Don't let what happened predict your future tho. Don't let it ruin your life. Your mom would not want that. Pick yourself up each day and just take it one day at a time. It won't be easy but you can't give up. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kevin on September 14, 2012 at 3:47pm

Thank you Becky.  Your reply was nice and useful.  I appreciate the guidance.  Bless you.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Grier on September 24, 2012 at 10:33pm

I can't imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. I hope that things will improve for you and your sisters. 

I know that one thing that always has helped me when I am going through a difficult time, is to focus a little bit of each day on an activity that brings me joy. For me, it is laughing, so I will turn on my Netflix Instant Queue and pick funny things and laugh for a little bit, even if I don't feel like it. It always helps lift the pain for a little bit, just to help me stay sane. Another thing that helps me is waking up before the sun rises and just hearing the birds start to chirp and the leaves in the trees and feel the air, it makes me feel alive and like there is a chance for things to be new again. 

I hope that helps a little. I'm rooting for you. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kevin on September 25, 2012 at 12:08pm

Thanks Grier. I appreciate it.  It is funny thay you mentioned Netflix. My wife got that for us.  I do watch it every once it awhile.  My Mom always got up early and listened to the birds.  My sisters and I love when we hear a bird singing--it reminds of our Mom.  Thanks for the support.  I need to do stuff. But, I feel like I weigh 1000 pounds somedays and just can't move.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Melissa Drake on September 27, 2012 at 12:08am

Oh Kevin sweetheart I can't begin to help you understand something like this. There isn't anything wrong with you for being unable to figure out how to feel, or act, or be. You and your family have been through absolute HELL! I miss my mom because she was taken away from me by pancreatic cancer. You, on the other hand are dealing with something far more messed up than that. I just needed to figure out stuff that is confusing. You my sweet friend have to make sense of the senseless. I haven't read everything so I am sorry if I repeat, but I encourage you to seek help thru local resources. It's easier than you think. No one would think less of you if you had to ask for help. Please sk someone to help you where you are. Ask for help. Everyone on this board has your back.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Amie on April 8, 2013 at 2:53pm

Kevin, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can relate to all the confusing emotions you are struggling with. The last year has been such a roller coaster. It has finally begun to calm now after 15 months. The ache in my heart seems to creep up on me and I am over-whelmed by pain and sorrow numerous times a week. I now try to focus on on how my mom (her death) has made a better person, a better mother. I never would have guessed I would take that position. Her death has taught me how fragile life truely is. I sincerely tell the people I love how much they mean to me and I don't rush it. I enjoy every moment with them, because everytime they leave me I think, "Is this the last time I will see them, hug them, kiss them."

Try not to compare yourself to anyone else. We all grieve in our own way. I'm sure for many I appeared to be holding everything together so well, but on the inide I was consumed by everything. I felt a sence of duty to mom and I thought that was what had to be done. I forgot that a duty to myself, to allow myself to mourn the loss.

I regret so much now and the anger; well, no one seems to understand the anger that I carry with me. I'm sure you have felt that anger from the immeasurable betrayal.

Saying merely that my heart goes out to you and your sisters is not sufficient. I read a LOT of domestic violence crime watches, I read them and I feel an immediate attachment, a kinship to the children who are left behind heart-broken, confused, and questioning all that they once knew to be true. I will tuck you into my heart and pray that we all find the healing we need to just get through the days.

• ▶ Reply