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Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on May 26, 2012 at 2:17pm

Hi justkate,

I am sorry you are in the dumps, my dog just threw up today too!  Maybe they are feeling our sadness.  We have to be strong for them!  Some people are callous about grief or is that strength of character, I don't know.  Life never seems to turn out the way we want but we have to ride it, roll with it and try to make it interesting.  xo

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Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on May 26, 2012 at 2:14pm

Hi Debra,

My husband died of liver cancer too, diagnosed 4/20/11, gone 6/6/11.  Not much time but am glad we had time to say goodbye.  In those 6 weeks, I felt we fell in love all over again; everything we ever first felt for each other grew even greater during those last weeks.  I hope you enjoy a little country humor my neighbor told me that was told to her when her husband passed;  A young man sat down at a bar next to an old man.  He said his wife was visiting his mother for the weekend and he was all alone.  He asked the old man if he had a wife and he said he was widowed and then told him, "Ya see, you're not really alone till its etched in stone."  Ain't that the truth!

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Permalink Reply by Debra Wick on May 26, 2012 at 2:45pm

I chuckled at your joke! I recently adopted one of Bob's mom's expressions "Ain't that the truth?!" so I got a kick out of that, too :-) I see on your Page that you had Hospice for him. Same here, I stayed by his side every minute that I was able. That means you saw all the weird, scary stuff that his body experienced and I'm so sorry that you, too, went through that. Given the situation, though, if I had it to do over, I wouldn't change a thing! Special hugs to you and we will get stronger in their honor.

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Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on May 25, 2012 at 10:13pm

Hi justkate - read this reply and liked it a lot.  I think it's so incredibly important to know that our late loved ones would want us to move forward, to get on with our lives and to not get stuck in the grief and the sadness.  That's something I remind myself of constantly.  Of course we're sad and of course we miss them and we will, most certainly, go through our grief and mourning - that's normal and to be expected - but we can grieve and live at the same time.  Yes, it's hard...yes, it hurts...but I well know that my husband would not want to think of me as being miserable and sad for the rest of my life.  For me, living my life as best I can and as positively as possible is the best way of honoring him and honoring all of our wonderful years together.  I want my life to be a testament to the relationship that we had and to all the wonderful years that we shared.   Wishing you all the best.  Lynne

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Permalink Reply by Robin Jone on May 25, 2012 at 10:50pm

Joanne, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I have lost many loved ones but most recently my son, Zach, on September 3rd in a tragic accident. I can't believe it will soon be 9 months. I remember when we picked up his ashes how devastating that was/is. The other day I was dusting and had to pick up Zach's ashes and his picture, it made me so incredibly angry. I have to say though, that not every day is unbearable any more. For me I have found that my grief is like a roller coaster, there are days that are okay, sometimes even days that I have been able to laugh with my family, then the next day it will hit me like it is all just happening all over again. I feel like the only way I continue to get up in the morning, is all the prayers that have been said for me and my family. One day, one minute, one second at a time is all I can do. Hugs and prayers for you. Robin

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Permalink Reply by Joanne Welch on May 26, 2012 at 1:27pm

Thanks everyone.  It helps to know that there are people out there that understand what I'm going through and who care.  I'm actually feeling a little better today.  I had a dream about my husband last night.  It was nothing special, we were just doing our usual daily stuff around the house but I got to kiss him, and somehow that made me feel better today.  

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Permalink Reply by Joanne Welch on May 26, 2012 at 4:09pm

Thanks.  It's amazing that that one little thing could make me feel better.

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Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on May 26, 2012 at 2:08pm

Aw, my husbands remains are sitting over the fireplace too; I made a shrine with some of his things.  It will be a year 6/6 and my life is still enduring torture and enjoying a few good times now and then.  I just saw that movie the Edge and he reminded me so much of Anthony Hopkins and the character, I cried through the whole thing. I have thought the exact same things you are, but I try to ride out the bad times and know that there will be good things again sometime.  Its a very unbearable thing to go through.  I am sorry we all ended up here.

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Permalink Reply by Tina W on May 27, 2012 at 7:57pm

Im sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents this year. Both were young 47 and 44 and unexpected. We burried my dad but my mom always talked about cremation so we cremated her. Im 25, the oldest of 3 so I got my mom's remains and choose how to disburse them, which was between my brother my sister and myself but after that there still was alot of remains left. I felt the same way, all I got now is ashes and a broken heart. My mom wants her ashes scattered in Maine, I am from Wisconsin so I will be traveling there when its summer. I felt the same way tho, kept telling myself I wish it was me that went and I wanted to buy a plot right next to my dad bcuz I wanted to go soon, but I have 2 kids and they have kept me going and gave me a reason for living. They say time heals but for me its getting harder with time and of course you could not imagine your self with someone else, its too soon. Just take one day at a time.

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