long weekends

This is the first long weekend I have had to myself since my husband passed away in February of this year.  Usually, I have ball tournaments with my daughter, or my son has a sporting event.  Since I went back to work in April, I have cut back to only three nights a week, as I work as a pediatric nurse with sick kids , some of whom are dying.  I wanted to cut down on the amount of stress in my life right now, as I also have a child graduating this year, and a daughter one year younger who are also going through a lot of grieving themselves obviously.  It has been long enough (three months) since my husband died, that life has supposedly got back to normal(not) and people no longer call.  I am a very private griever anyway, and being a nurse, we tend to like to do our healing quietly.  I do see a therapist and so does my one child- the other isn't ready.  I just wasn't quite prepared for the profound loneliness at times.  I was always so busy when my husband was alive, as he had been chronically ill for years.  Now I find I have lots I could do, but none that I want to do.  The garden had become my refuge.  I hate bugging people when I feel needy.  It just isn't part of my nature. I am hoping that connecting on this site with like minded people will help.

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Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on May 21, 2012 at 8:21pm

Donna Lea ~ I so understand what you're writing about.  The weekends can get incredibly long sometimes. This past weekend was also my late husband's birthday so it was kind of like the perfect storm for me.  I've decided that I'm going to have to make a point of having more plans for the weekends, as the week days seem to take care of themselves somehow and have a natural rhythm of their own.  Btw, my husband died not quite two months ago and life is certainly nowhere near back to any kind of normal yet...the "new normal" is in the process of being established and I know its coming but not quite here yet.  I, too, am a fairly "private griever" but I've found a few posts/blogs that have resonated greatly and prompted me to respond.  Anyway, I am very sorry for your loss and I can certainly identify with what you're going through.  Take care and I hope for better days for both of us.  I'm here if you ever want to chat.  Wishing you all the best.  L.

Permalink Reply by donna lea on May 22, 2012 at 12:18am

Hi Lynne- I am new to these types of online support and I am completely like a kindergartner trying to figure out how to get messages and respond.  Thank you so much for replying.  I am sorry you have had to go through your husband's first birthday after his death.  My husband's birthday is in July, so have a little while yet.  It really is great to hear from you and I hope to talk later.  It's late and a new day tomorrow so ta ta for now.  cheers  Donna

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